Divorce in Long Marriages

Former Vice President Al Gore and his wife Tipper decided to go their separate ways after"forty years" of marriage. CNN had a segment on this morning of this thread's name in which I only caught a little bit of. It did mention that people over time naturally want a different experience in life be it a mate or life style. I'm going to sit down with the wife tonight over dinner and talk about this subject and get her take. It's kind of un-nerving to think my wife at some point in our lives may want to walk away from our marriage or for me to find someone else other than her. I cannot imagine that this will someday possibly be the case. Whatever happen till death separate us apart.

 

lippy was surprised at this announcement...perhaps a growing trend...40 years is a long time to spend with just one person especially in this current society...i love it when i meet women that tell me their story of being married for 50+ years...it was just such a different time...some so wise in their observations of today...personally i think it is all about options

looking at the gore union...al and tipper both have many years ahead of them and if they aren't in love anymore why not lead individual lives...i'm sure they will split with both of them being financially stable...

 

yea and hopefully split to remain friends. i am totally not a fan of divorce but being from a "broken" home myself, i find it much more pleasurable when people are not fighting and can still be cool. if a couple can get past the disappointment(s) and letdown(s), they [sometimes] can find that they still make solid friends. which hopefully had something to do with their union in the first place.

or maybe i am just being waaaayy too optimistic right now. hahaha :smt019

 

I think almost everyone experiences growth over time, in a marriage sometimes you grow closer and sometimes you grow apart. I think at times people settle for someone that isn't exactly what they'd hoped for, there are traits that act as a small rift between them, but they think it's small enough to be overlooked or accepted. In time if you grow in different directions, or one grows and the other remains stagnant, that rift becomes an unsurpassable chasm.

There are also people who change substantially after marriage, and you discover too late who they really are, and that had you truly known them prior to marriage you would never have married them.

In either case, if someone is unhappy I think it's appropriate that they end it and move on. There is no point to being miserable in your life if it's something you can change. I don't think they should be criticized for that decision either, as you never know what you're choice would be unless you are in that person's exact circumstances. It's very easy to say you'd do better, or you would have stuck it out longer when you don't have any real idea of what their life is like. I don't think it's anyone's place to judge someone else for anything they've done, unless they did it to you and you have all the facts of the situation.

 

From a personal perspective, I couldnt agree with you more.

 

Unfortunately for me, my ex would slit my throat at any chance she can get. Best outcome from my bad choices were the two amazing girls that we have. Its not an ideal situation but when i felt it was over my parents, who have been married for over 40years gave me their full bless. Today we make the best of our circumstances. If its to be positive, my kids get to see the best of Europe and Africa.

 

i'm actually optimistic about this split...they don't seem like the type of people that want end up on television with some big scandal...i would venture to say that this split is a household topic in their group of acquaintances...abviously it also made blacktiger think as well so this may be a power couple that many people looked to set a standard

 

BT2-buck-oh-5 (a.k.a. BlackTiger2005),

Not only do I not view the dissolution of the Gore's marriage as newsworthy, I also don't understand how it could affect you so deeply. While it may not have started that way, their marriage became very public and had long since lost its legitimacy.

I'm confident your marriage is based on love, compatibility and commitment just as most likely the Gores initially. I suspect those are the only qualities your and their marriage have/had in common. It's certainly understandable that people looked at their union as solid and as being a beacon for the legitimacy of permanent unions. Their marriage was easy to romanticize because generally speaking they're viewed as good people no matter your political affiliation. But they're human.

Al Gore had been using his supposedly solid marriage for political and personal gain for quite a while. For a number of years towards its end, their marriage was a tool for manipulation. Nothing more.

 

i like that viewpoint. cool post, lippy. :smt109

 

yeah i'm from a "broken" home as well and my parents still can't be in the same room together without a scene being made & me being extremely uncomfortable. the same goes for my ex-husband and his family. because of this my ex and i work at our relationship. we attend school functions together as a family for the kids, up until last year we swapped hosting christmas lunch at either of our houses and sat down as a family and are generally as good as friends as we could ever be. in the end it's a choice of our childrens wellbeing being far more important than trying to be bitter towards each other.

 

Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. Whilst I'm not from a broken home, my daughter now is, and the last thing I ever want her to get is emotional scarring from her parents not being able to get along.

So, even though I have every right to hate my ex, I have let bygones be bygones and have forgiven him. It's not worth putting your kids' happiness and well-being in danger by carrying hatred and/or a grudge against your ex. It only harms the little people caught in the middle.

And now I realize that we're much better off as "friends". We get along great.

 

i would love to rep you for this, but it would appear that i must 'spread' i.e. whore out my love first...!!! you're tops in my books, books...!!!

 

And I tried to rep you, too, for your post. :smt042

But thank you. It's the thought that counts. ;-)

 

I envy you both for being able to maintain a pleasant relationship with your Exes. I think it's great that your children have the benefit of a good relationship with both their parents, and that you're setting a good example for them and showing them that being a family doesn't require your parents to live in the same house.