Brothers: I have a couple of questions for you

As far as daily life is concerned I think all women can be a pain in the ass but great to come home to. One thing I have noticed with ww I have dated is they tend to have rose color glasses on and when I talk to them about some fowl shit they always give me the "You're being too sensative speech" but those instances are few and far between. I think the biggest problem facing IR couples today is dealing with someone once the novelty wears off. I know for most they probably don't there is a novelty there but stereotypes do influence us a bit. For example I can mentally deal with a bw who has an attitude with me a bit easier than a ww because I have socialized to believe that's what happens. I may not be articulating this too well but understanding the struggle is the least of our worries

 

What kinda chicks were you been dealing with? SMH....

They need to get a clue....

For me personally, I don't see any of my relationships as a novelty that'll wear off in regards to it being IR, I think that'll happen naturally in any relationship period. Maybe cause I don't find a fascination in a man being Black, but I like him cause I'm attracted to him personally and he happens to be Black. I don't get influenced by stereotypes. I liked BM before I knew of the "myth" or whatever bullshit people spew.

Well, of course we're all going to understand or be comfortable with people who we have some common bond with. Be it, racially, culturally or ethnically. That's a given, but that doesn't negate the fact that just cause you have that shared background, doesn't mean you won't or will understand the individual past their race, culture or ethnic background. Okay, I'm going off kilter here...lol

 

No I hear you sweetheart. Compassion knows no race.

 

I've never been on some Kumbaya shit, but I like to look at things logically, realistically and from whatever perspective and/or experience I derive from or about something.

 

That's some hot and fluffy shit. Much respect IB

 

LOL!

 

No I don't love her any less and I don't think she is necessarily missing something but I think someone mentioned on here that WW can only sympathize and not empathize. I do look at that understanding as an asset, how could it not be? I'm a man, and I can never truly understand how it feels to be judged first on how I look. A woman can explain it to me all day how it feels to be judged on how she looks 24/7, and I might truly sympathize for her but at the end of the day I don't know how it feels to walk in a woman's shoes.

Inner Beauty I know there are things that you wish men in general understood, wouldn't it be an asset to you for a man to truly empathize with your struggle? I don't really think WW in general brings anything special or different to the table that a black, spanish, or Asian couldn't. I think women are pretty equal across the board with the exception of whites not being able to TRULY empathize with what its like to be apart of the minority group that is most looked down on in America. But with that said the "struggle" is not nearly as bad as it was years ago. Oh and I don't agree with those that believe black men have it harder than black women, I think its pretty equally split.

 

Thank you for replying. I agree with a lot of what you said. It's nice to hear bruthas perspective regarding this issue, cause there are some men who won't cross the racial line for this reason alone.

Yeah, I don't think a man can empathize, but he can definitely sympathize. Sometimes, just cause I'm a woman, I don't think other women can always understand me, cause I'm just that - ME! Everyone has their different experiences, background and struggles. I think for me, I'm into someone where I can feel we have more in common than someone pointing our differences. I think it's good to recognize and even celebrate them, but if a dude is making me feel like I could never understand him, then he doesn't need to be with me. I'm not going to act like everything is all hunky dory in the world, cause it's not, but in my own relationship, I don't want to feel like an outsider.

 

Damn IB gotta say it again. Respect

 

Thank you Andrae. I appreciate that....

 

Yeah I agree with what you said also. I'm not saying all women will naturally understand each other because they are women, but I think most women have a better understanding than a man ever could. I don't think I ever really heard a black dude say he wouldn't cross the "racial" line because of the lack of understanding. Not to generalize, but I find alot of WW attractive but most of them I could not date because they are ignorant of the challenges and struggles that face minorities especially blacks in this country. I'm not trying to single out just WW but I think the general white population is like that. But I guess that is an entirely different conversation.

 

Check my first few posts....

That's where I got the idea from.

There might be some BM who'll fuck a WW, but I mean to actually date her, no.

In regards to the men/women thing. I think for me and my experience, since I have mostly male friends, yet I had a lot of female friends in the past, that I've felt it was fairly equal as far as understanding. Now if we were to talk about feminine biology or things of that nature, no a man couldn't understand PMS/cramps or being hormonal etc.

At the end of the day, you have to be with who makes you happy and who you feel comfortable around.

 

can black men and white women connect on every level.....

for example : lets say a black man goes thru a racial situation like being called a ni$$$ or like that guy who killed those people at the brewer plant (by the way he was dating a ww and as a matter of fact he dated one before that woman) and he needs understanding can she connect with him on that level ?

also are there other hurdles that I cant think of right now in the dynamics of IR can BM and ww need to connect on that make it a blissful relationship. we are discussing hurdles that are unique to IR and not everyday intrarelationships.

 

Yes!!!-end thread.

 

why ? explain why they can and how ?

 

Is the skin color something you connect with?
No.
So then, why wouldnt you be able to?
Its more a person to person case basis.

 

in a relationship there is alot of common things you would have to build off of. so if he comes to you with that tuff issue ( which is kudos for you because he is trusting u and is looking to you for answers) how would you be able to handle that because of the following:

1) one he has to come from a mans perspective
2) a black persons experience

thus how would you be able to relate or can you ? how would you help him heal thru that situation ? How would you help him negotiate thru the issues because it could be work related ? We need to have that discussion so another shooting would not happen. The guy was seriously upset. The woman by his side (not her fault) could not accomplish the goal of mitigating the problem from escalating to that point .

 

The follow up question to your question is then: do you think you can connect with every black woman out there, just because your black and she is black?
Of course not - that is not enough to connect on all levels.


There are cultural differences within each group, and just because the color match up doesnt mean you can connect and vice versa.

Dedending on what your upbringing and experiences that forms you as a person etc - you will have a frame of reference -
that frame of reference can acctually match up with someone from a completely different culture because of stuff that that person has experience that made that person arrive at the same frame of reference as you have.

So yes, its very possible, but not as long as you dont think its possible.

There are vaster culural differences within all "color" groups than there is between black and white in the US.

I think even the thining pattern in thinking your question perpetuates that gap we should be moving away from.
This is individual limits, within ourselves, not as a group.

 

not necessarily , we should one day not have to have these convos, but we do.

The one thing I wish the girl did for that guy who shot those people was to get him some mental therapy. I dont think she knew to get him that because it took her by surprise.

BM especially BM dont like to seek psycholgical therapy because it is a shot a their manhood so they believe. hell asking for help at anything , for us culturely, is a shot at our manhood (possibly even for WM as it has been said.). BM has the belief they have to heavily endure and not share. so they usually pain more than average.

so the question again as a WW how do think you would engage that ?
As a WW if you went thru something how would you want us to help you ?
we were kind of eluding this in another thread because someone experience racist act toward their IR. So I brought up this thread.

 

Yes and No.

Someone said it before:

There will be times where Your WW(in America)will never understand your life because she doesn't know how it feels to live in a place where majority of the people look different from you. She now begins to understand the shit you may go through by being in a relationship with you.