Would you date or marry someone with kids?

I think it´s something else, if a woman dates a man with kids, because mostly the kids live with their mom. In that case the contacts to his children is limited.

A man, who dates a woman with kids is much more involved.

But for me, I don´t care, if he has children. It´s normal in my age that you have a past, marriage, relationship or children. Personally I have more a problem with people, who don´t like children- they seem to me very selfish, egocentric. At least my experience..

 

That has more to do with your kids being older too babe. A lot of small kids these days are completely without manners. Go to any local supermarket and the all tantrums are rampant these days because parents are no longer allowed to discipline their kids

 

Or maybe they're just too young for children.

 

Why isn't it ok to dislike children? What's wrong with being a little selfish? The idea of kids are absolutely sweet and I would love to have some if the reality of it wasn't so overwhelmingly draining. Children are dream killing parasites. Sorry parents I know sound like an asshole but I'm 1000 percent sure they're not for me right now. Not until my 40s and willing to give up on everything I want for myself.

 

I think it's perfectly okay.
I don't want children until I'm settled and have done everything that I want to do as an adult and as an individual. When I see a baby, I don't 'aww' and 'coo' over it, I just hope that it doesn't scream and doesn't get too near me. I think new borns look like old men and I have no desire to baby talk with toddlers. I am simply not ready for kids and won't be for a while, but that doesn't make me a bad or selfish person, it just makes me honest.

 

You're my best buddy of the day homie.

 

Exactly. I got too much shit I need to finish for myself. And not something that can just be put on wait. I got school to finish. I gotta transfer. Get my career started. I'll admit, at this point in my life, it's all about me. You wanna roll with me, understand that my goals are coming first. I got no time to slow down, especially for a kid that isn't mine. Maybe I'll changed later, but I'll save that shit for another decade. I ain't gettin' derailed by a person my age, and a kid sure as hell isn't gonna do the same.

Hell, I got a friend with two jobs, and a girlfriend. He barely has time to do anything else. If they had a kid, or if he was dealing with somebody else's kid, he'd be exhausted way more than he already is.

 

Exactly! There just isn't enough time in a day for raising children when you have goals. Do you homie.

 

I'm pretty sure that Christine was referencing people around her age Russia. I know her well enough to know that she wouldn't think that of a young person such as yourself or BA. It's somewhat expected that younger people don't want children until later in life, and frankly I applaud people who know themselves well enough to acknowledge that and stick to it.

They do take a lot of time, energy and money. As I've said before I would recommend that you do what you want in life, and then have kids, or have them young and accept that your life will be put on hold until they are grown. Pursuing your dreams with small children is difficult.

I don't think you're an asshole Andrae, but I do object to the terminology. If you're a good parent, children will place limitations on your lifestyle, that's a fact that I doubt anyone would dispute. Unless of course you are wealthy enough to have a Nanny, but then allowing the Nanny to raise your children isn't good parenting IMO. It's good that you know they aren't for you at this stage of your life, stick with that. One thing I have noted though is that some men who make it into their 40s without having children, tend to find they aren't as set on having them. It seems to become a take it or leave it type of thing. I know several who at that point decided that they really weren't willing to radically change their lifestyles to accommodate children, even though they'd finally reached the point where financially it was feasible.

 

Depends on the guy and on the child/children. I'm with Andrae; I'd find it very hard to take care of a baby or a toddler and have some baby mama nipping at me for every little thing I do with her little angel. I'd rather date a man with an 8 year old and a 10 year old. I don't want to take the place of anyone's mother, nor do I want a man to use me as a free nanny like my brother does with his new woman. Then again, I might meet a guy with an 18 month old and tell you all how terrific everyone is in a month. It just depends.

 

If you plan to reproduce one day and be biologicaly significant.......


If you meet a decent/comparable woman then have baby with her right away. Dont waste time. You can still acheive your goals while being married and being a father. You have to put a little more effort and hard work, but achieving your goals are not going to be difficult.
One thing I noticed in major metropolitan area like Chi, LA, Sandiego, Miami, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, etc... ppl waste time dating, getting to know someone, chasing careers, enjoying being free, and trying to achieve higher education.
But on the flip side, this is what I've noticed in small towns of Illinois, Wisconsin and Iowa, folks getting married and having children at young age of 18 & 19. And these young couples are not losers. They go to college and some even to grad school. At the end of the day, they are successful career wise and family wise.
I have seen some of these couples who are around 36 and 37 years old and already have a grand kid and also very accomplished in their career and finances. So by the time these men or women are around 52 years old, their grand kid is already going to college. Man oh man.

Most are:
a nurse + lawyer couples
Accountant + MBA couples
A doctor + a doctor couples
A doctor + sales manager couple
All kinds of couples

Most of these folks, in fact everyone of these folks are white + religious.

I asked one nurse about this phenomena. She is a 39 yo grandma and has a daughter who is married and a sophomore in college. Her exact words:
"GZ, think about it, by the time a woman is 30, 90 % of her eggs are gone, by the time she hits 33 her chance of down syndrome significantly increases, and by the time she hits 40, 97 of her eggs are depleted, so why should our community wait to reproduce"

It is like a movement in these towns, lol.

I am jealous these folks are blessed in every aspect of their lives.

 

Unchosen, you just charm the hell out of me. If you're not busy this weekend, let's make a baby.

 

Fine by me! Meet me at Smoky Mountains National Park, LoL

 

Don't tempt me.

 

There is something that can be said for this...

You can have a self-defeatist attitude and go in thinking that your dreams are gone because you have a child or children, or you can "rethink your inks" and find a different way to achieve your dreams with kids.

Single parents go to college...single parents have great careers. If single parents don't let the fact that they're parents get in their way, then a married couple with kids can most definitely find a way.

It's all in your priorities.

I agree with Espy. Many people in their 40s are very set in their ways (many, NOT ALL) and having a child that late in life would end up being more of a hindrance than anything. You can always just be Seinfeld and "rip it (the band-aid) off" and have kids and see where your life takes you.

But if you know kids aren't for you, then bringing them into the world will only hurt those kids.

I'm just sayin'....

 

Good for them not for me. I love being young and having kids won't allow that

 

I agree. If you dont want to have a kid, that is your choice and I respect that. One of my college professor was 64 years old, he is great lookin' for his age, single, never been married and no kids. Does not plan to either. But he enjoys his life by traveling, dating all sorts of women and learning many cultures.

What I was saying- if you are planning to have kids one day, then have them early, assuming there is family support. Major city folks are not taught this concept. We are taught to go to school, be serious about careers and have no kids at young age. Most young parents in major cities are single moms, and most do not have aspirations. Because of that ppl who want to have children at young age in big city are looked down upon.
I will give you another example of small town, I have seen a successful surgeon who is 45, his wife is an ER nurse, and they have a daughter who is married and in law school (the daughter already has 2 kids).

These folks are building generational knoweldge and wealth. This how they keep their family powerful.

My 2 cents.

 

If that is your choice I respect that, do you. I'm just sharing an experience bruh.

 

Not really. I never want to have children, personally.

 

Word.