Would you date or marry someone with kids?

Wise of you to consider that Bookie. I know a lot of people who go into a relationship with that 'I can change him/her over time' attitude and that's just a really bad idea IMO. I do know that people's attitudes about children can change over time, but some people just really do know what they want and they stick to it. I think if someone tells you they don't want children, you should assume that's what they mean, especially since that tends to be one of the life decisions that people put a lot of thought into.

I think it's admirable that you are keeping an open mind, I think you have a much better chance of finding someone special when you don't restrict yourself.

I would like to point out, and this isn't aimed at you specifically Yaj, that I think a lot of times men view a single mother as someone who is looking for a father for her children, and that's not always accurate. Maybe a lot of single mothers are doing precisely that, but not me. My children have never had the benefit of a father figure, and therefore that's not something they are looking to replace. They are also in their teens and so at this point someone trying to fill that role would likely not work. I find it odd that one of the first things a man often brings up is the 'I'd be a good father to your kids' idea, and I'm not sure why that's so prevalent, or maybe it's just me? At any rate, that's not a big selling point with me. It's not like my kids would be hateful, rude or unpleasant to any man I choose to spend time with, they would be very accepting of him, they just wouldn't view him as their father, nor do I think they should. Again maybe that's just my distorted view on the subject.

 

i have and would date a guy with kids, can hardly stipulate he must be without kids since i have a child of my own

for me thou i would have to be sure everythings amicable with his ex. one guy i dated his ex abandoned thier kids, we lost touch so i moved on but he presumed we were still dating, hes now rather bitter about that and another was a none starter as his ex read his facebook, found out about me and stopped him seeing his child. i broke it off and his family are still angry at me now but i could not be the reason his daughter lost her daddy and his ex still isnt over him as she lets herself into his room ( shared house ) when hes out and answers his phone
i prefer life to be as drama free as possible

 

Lol no espy its not a distorted view. I just mentioned that because its one of the things I consider dating a women with children. I know not everyone is looking for a father for there kids. Its just depends on the situation and some other factors.

 

At this point in my life and at my age, no.
I think things will change and my perspective on this will change as I get older, but at the moment I have absolutely no interest in having children of my own or looking after anyone elses. I'm not saying that if I met someone who was perfect for me in every other way that a child would be a deal breaker (if he was a good father, that wouldn't be off putting) but it would make me reconsider.
I'm just not ready to have children in my life.

 

Thanks. Yes, I completely understand his reasoning for not wanting to have more kids (he has a 14 year old son), and I respect his decision enough to know that this is all on me.

Decisions, decisions....

You'd think that would be the case, but sadly, I work with a woman that when she got divorced, she did the whole dating thing and she would not date a guy who had a kid (even though her daughter was like 4 years old at the time) because she wanted all of the guy's attention on them and not his own child.

I had to stop speaking to her on a regular basis after that, because I couldn't fathom how someone could think that way. She's no longer trying to find a man. She's gotten into something else that takes up all of her time: Tae Kwon Do.

Yes, I have dealt with enough baby momma drama for me to realize that I don't want to deal with that anymore.

As drama-free as possible is the way to go for me, too! :smt023

 

I personally have kids myself so I would have no issues dating someone with kids as long as there's no drama from the kids mom and they don't want anymore. The thought of going back to baby days makes me cringe...

 

awwww i would lurrrrrve to have more babies, another 3 would be great. just need to be as sure as i can be that the relationship is strong and serious first ( been married so i know best laid plans go array and all that )

 

Someone else's baby is good and they can be pretty cute! But I'm not a big baby/kid fan (except for my own of course because they're pretty awesome)unless i really know the kids, and the parents actually disipline/taught their child/children manners so they aren't running wild and being disrespectful to adults or other children. Nothing annoys me more.

 

Isn't dating someone with kids kind of like intruding on someone elses family?

 

How do you figure?

 

Eh?
If someone is divorced and moved on, why would that be intruding? Do they not have a right to have a fullfilled romantic love? Men and women?

 

wow what a beautiful face

 

so single parents should just go and shrivel up somewhere or be content with one night stand senarios insted of finding happiness?

 

i can see where you are coming from andrae and i guess in a way it is maybe from the fathers pov, but as the mother i would say no. we ceased being a family unit the moment we signed the divorce papers. my childrens father will always be in my life and theirs, and i will always treat him with the respect and love that he is due...but that shouldn't stop someone from coming into my life and becoming a stepfather to my children, and vice versa...we are both entitled to move on with our lives and make them fulfilled

 

My man, as I said, you always amuse me.

They stop being a family once the asshole moves out and the divorce papers are signed.

Now, If I could clone myself numerous times, then there are some of you ladies that...

 

I understand what you're thinking here Andrae, but no I don't believe that's the case. I suppose if both parents are still very active in the children's life, then perhaps it might seem that way to some. But as Tarshi and Smooth pointed out, you cease to be a true family after a divorce. For me personally, the instant my Ex left I no longer considered him part of my family.

Children also typically divide their time between both parents, so it's not as if the person you date is intruding upon either parent's time. As I said before, were I to ever be involved with another man, I wouldn't consider him a replacement for my children's father, nor would they. It is however entirely possible he would be considered part of the family. Family means different things to different people, personally if I care enough for someone to introduce them to my children, they'd be welcome in my family. Basically I think people have enough love to go around, with plenty to spare, so I don't think anyone is intruding or getting the short end of the stick should they choose to become involved with someone with children. But if it makes you uncomfortable, don't do it.

 

Then they'd complain that they weren't getting the original.

Believe me there's no winning with females

 

LOL, where is that spoon....

 

You got a point there. Also, too many clones could never be a good thing...

 

Mmm hmm... something tells me you're doing alright.

Besides who says any one person has to win? I'm perfectly content with a draw, or a win-win type situation. I don't do one-sided sugar, and I don't have a need to compete with my man.