Would you date or marry someone with kids?

Holy crap ESPY! I need a drink
:smt033

 

Isn't the practice of having a child in wed lock considered old fashioned?

 

Gotcha my bad. I misunderstood, carry on ladies.

 

Yes but not everyone who is single with children had theirs out of wedlock. That's presumptuous at best, and if that's where the OP was going with the question that needs to be clarified. For example; I have two children, they have the same father, and my wedding preceded my first pregnancy. So again, I fail to see how someone not wanting to date me would be old-fashioned. If the OP used the term old-fashioned to indicate not wanting to be involved with someone who has been divorced, then that should also be clarified. The way the question is worded is ambiguous at best, and simply incorrect usage of the word "old-fashioned" at worst.

And I'm not being catty or PC, I merely sought to better understand what the OP is going for here.

 

of course i would date and marry someone with kids...i have kids myself, and to be honest the older i get the more unlikely it will be that i will come across a man who hasn't been in a relationship prior to me and has had children because of that.

 

I'm not trying to start anything with you, but this sentence struck a chord in me.

I didn't think I could handle it either. Being the youngest and not ever really babysitting, I was never around babies. I was scared to death of them. LOL.

Then I had mine, and everything changed.

You might surprise yourself Andrae. It's not as hard as it looks. Though it's also the hardest thing you'll ever do. If that makes any sense. But that's the contradiction of being a parent.

As for the OP: My second husband had a 6 year old son when we started dating. I became a better parent to him than his biological parents. That sounds very arrogant, and it's not meant to be, but if you knew the situation, you'd know that what I said is true. He's doing well in school now, not because of either of them, but because I cared enough about him to actually change his situation for the better.

So, patting myself on the back is over. LOL.

My answer is: yes, I would and I have.

 

Good post have to agree.. if i ever was single again i will not want someone that have babies will prefer older ....like Espy said ..
everything already there i don't need to add more..

 

Ok let me rephrase I don't want to handle it. I have way too many goals I want to reach and I know having small children would prevent that.

 

I agree with Bookie that some parents who don't think they're ready for children, actually do a wonderful job when they have kids. But you are also 100% absolutely correct Andrae, they do curtail your life. If you are a good parent, one that's truly invested and involved in your child's life, it's going to impact your freedom to do what you want. They take precedence in everything, and that's how it should be. I had mine young, and I'm pleased with that decision because when they're both out of the house, I'll still be young enough to travel and enjoy what's left of my life. I wouldn't have it any other way. So I think if you plan to have children, you either have to do everything you want beforehand, or table it until they are grown, because the 18 years in between is spoken for.

 

Yes, that's absolutely true. It's hard to accomplish everything when you have young children, unless you're rich and can afford a nanny. Though they can be an enriching experience in their own right. But, again, I'm not trying to change your mind about that. I completely understand where you're coming from.

Yes, I can see that. I'll be in my late 40s when my little one goes off to college (hopefully). Still young enough to enjoy life. But there's still a part of me that wants another one. Though I'm sure that won't happen.

Maybe after I'm rich. LOL.

 

If you want more Bookie, have more. Funny, after my two I was just done, absolutely no second thoughts about that at all. In fact, I actually intended to be done after my daughter and I was seriously pissed when I found out I was pregnant with my son. But I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world, so it just goes to show that sometimes you get what you need, not what you think you want.

 

Wow I thought you said (previously) that you would never respond to one of my posts because you were sure that I was a black woman. lol:smt043

And anyways I AM actually pretty old fashioned. I want to meet a single woman, date her for awhile, then propose to her, then marry her, get established career wise, then have kids together (of our own).

I dont want to deal with any "baby daddys" or any other types of drama. Sure, that is pretty acceptable in this day and age but I am more traditional.

 

Thats definitely understandable.

I am in my 20s, so I have a different outlook on things. Definitely dont want to be hooking up with single moms with kids.

 

I don't use the word 'never', what I said is I'm trying to stick to my 'no feeding the trolls' policy, and I still think you fall into that category. However, I couldn't resist asking what the hell you were trying to convey here as it made no sense.

What you've stated doesn't seem old-fashioned to me, but whatever works for you...

 

You know what they say about the best laid plans. You may meet the perfect person and fall so much in love that you will throw all your "rules" out the window.

 

yes i have and yes i would

 

Kind of like the dealbreaker thread?

 

Very true.

The guy I'm dating now doesn't want more kids and has fixed himself so he can't. Besides that issue, he's a great guy for me.

I've been in a pickle ever since I met him and started dating him. Do I break it off in hopes that I find someone who treats me just as well and wants to have kids or do I stick around and come to terms with the fact that I may never have kids if this guy and I end up working out.

I still haven't made my final decision.

A couple of my friends think that this guy will reverse the procedure, but I would a. never ask him to do that, b. never bank on that happening.

 

It would have to be a very special person for me to commit to someone that has children at this point in my life. For me that would be a big commitment to make because the woman and the children are a package deal and its a big responsibilty to take on.

I don't have any kids myself. Part of why it would be a big deal for me is that my own father was not around when I was growing up so if I had children I wouldn't want them to go through that. I was lucky because my grandfather picked up the slack in the chain that my father left behind so I also understand its great for a child when someone else can come in and be there for them.

I have dated women with children before and I would do it again, it would just have to be the right situation. I guess part of the issue in the past has been I didn't know exactly what I wanted and I picked the wrong people to be involved with. Now that I am a little older I know what I want out of a relationship and I am looking for someone who wants the same thing as me. Children are not a deal breaker for me but, it would be something very significant to consider.

 

i could date (and have) women with a kid but not a whole squad of them. one child is complicated enough when it comes to scheduling quality time but multiple children is just ridiculous. the catch with parents is "things pop up." so having multiple children definitely means multiple thangs poppin. (t.i. style there) lol

there's a lot to "juggle" when it comes to dating a single parent. such as: how do you and the kid get along, how does your mate feel about you and the kid becoming cool, do either your mate or the kid get jealous of your interaction with the other, and the biggest for the outsider is are you cool with seeing your mate into someone else more than you. because any single parent worth their salt on the earth is going to love that kid way more than you. which is good. but it's also just a place and level thing, it doesn't take away from your role in their life.

a lot of people overlook this kind of stuff when starting a relationship with a single parent. makes me think of that line in jerry maguire when cuba tells tom, "a real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie from a single mom." hahaha!!! classic. but hey, don't get lost in the sauce... some mom's ain't lookin for relationships, so in that case there was no breakin da law-breakin da law!! lol (sometimes i crack myself up)