Never Satisfied why Nerdy black men can't find happiness

Lol. I'm speaking more from a youth culture point of view babe

 

Now you know if you generalize, regardless of what POV you're speaking from, I'm going to point out the obvious contradictions babe. But I appreciate that you take it as it's meant, and don't get pissed with me. :smt008

As a woman with morals, who doesn't feel entitled to anything, it's annoying to continually hear people throw around the 'women are this, or women are that' negative comments. I'm sure as a good man, when you hear comments like 'men are dogs', or 'men think with their other head all the time', you don't appreciate it either?

But mostly I think if I heard several men having a conversation in which they made comments like your "American women black and white alike seem like they don't have morals anymore its all about things and what we can do for them", it wouldn't likely matter what else you might have going for you, I wouldn't likely show any interest because that's a negative reflection on all American women and I'm not likely to want to get to know someone with what appears to be a jaded or bitter POV about me, my daughter, my mother, and all the other women I know who do not fit that description. I just think labeling people based upon the disappointing ones that we all run across in our lives, limits us and reduces the likelihood of meeting the really special and great people that are out there.

 

My apologies beautiful. I can see where you're coming from it just seems the worst of us as people seems to be everywhere. I know the good gets sweeped up in with the bad and that's not fair but I keep seeing the bad. I do look for the good and it does present itself from time to time but our culture doesn't promote nor allow morality anymore. Yes there are exceptions but the rule seems to be "its all about me fuck everyone else".

 

I see this too babe, and I know it's discouraging, but I choose to pass those people by. I find sometimes your expectations dictate your options. If you expect women to fall into that category, you tend to run into a lot that do. You know the saying 'If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.' Sometimes you have to expect to find the good in order to see it.

 

She also said BM have STD's, are in jail, gay or with WW. Why would any woman want a man like that? Why aren't these "successful" Black women running to White men who will put them on a pedestal and take the weaves out of their hair?

 

LOL!

 

Unfortunately like most I have to see it to believe it. I hate sounding like a whiner but I think I'm like anyone else we all want to feel loved and appreciated. We want to know someone is in our lives because of the kind of person we are not how we can elivate their lifestyle. I know every single person doesn't think that way but I think we've become a culture of incredibly low self esteem. We've gotten to a point where I feel most of us can't accept or give love without the hopes of something in return. I understand some people can do this but soooo many cant. Its disheartening but I do see your point and I hope I can get to a place where I see and feel that kind of love. Until then I'm going to keep earning as much as I can and if worst comes to worst ill just buy house in some remote area and write my memiors lol

 

Have an ex wife also black woman she took my money and left me in the hopstial not knowing if I was going to live or die. I sued her ass and got a lot of my money back and ened that worthless marriage. I feel for you brother I went thru a lot of shit with her. When I watched dairy of an angry black man I saw my self in that movie what I put up with for all those years.:smt068

 

LOL you mean some, but I get where you are comiing from.

 

That's not whining Andrae, it's human. One of the most common things you hear people say is 'I just want to be loved for me', I don't know that anyone consciously goes around thinking that they want someone to love them for what they have, or what they can give, though a lot of people seem to set themselves up for precisely that.

Unfortunately society in general seems to encourage the 'what's in it for me' mindset, and I do think that's disheartening because I can look back on my life and say with unfailing certainty that I have never received back in the measure I have given and I wouldn't have my life be anything other than what it is now. I see nothing wrong with giving, loving, or extending kindness to someone with no expectation of getting anything back, just as I see nothing wrong with someone taking whatever I choose to offer with no expectation of returning the favor. I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to, and I wouldn't do it expecting reciprocation. I just wasn't raised like that, in fact the exact opposite. I was taught that those that have always look out for, and take care of, those that have not, and at some point in your life you're going to find yourself in both categories. It likely seems ignorant to most people to give when there is no guarantee of anything in return, but it works for me. I am absurdly content with my life, and with myself, and I have always been a giver and I suspect that's largely responsible for who I am and where I'm at in my life.

And to get the thread back on track after that mini-threadjacking... people who approach relationships with the 'whats in it for me' mentality are less likely to find what they need. If what you seek is unconditional love, try showing some. Wanting others to fit your preset criteria, while expecting them to take you as you are is not only ignorant, but unfair to them. To the people who look at someone and immediately start assigning labels, stop it, try seeing the people behind those labels. To the people being labeled, you need to stop worrying about the people doing the labeling, they aren't likely worth your time, look for someone who is bigger than that. In the end it's not what the world thinks of you that matters, it's what you think of yourself.

 

So I have to ask both you and goodlove were there no warning signs that you were married to raving cunts. I always wonder about relationships that end this badly. Wasn't there something to tell you that these girls were destructive.

 

Great post Esp I wish I could rep you from my cell phone.

 

Well as you know love is blind it also can be deaf and dumb LOL. I was so in love that I put up with a lot of her mess.

 

I am not an overly religious person but I have always believed that 1 Corinthians 13, holds a great description of how love should be for *both* people, and if the woman you are with is not exhibiting these characteristics of love on a REGULAR basis, meaning this is her usual MO, then you should move on. Perhaps keeping this in mind will help when choosing your next mate.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails.

 

WHere were you when I was about to marry that nut? AHAHHAHA I could have used that advice then.

 

LOL, glad you can laugh about it now. Hindsight is always 20/20, but the longer I live (in my early 40's now), the more it is clear to me that life is a lot better when you surround yourself with only quality, unselfish, people at all times.

 

You are so right, people like that keep you very happy.

 

It's the thought that counts. :smt058

Both of these posts contain excellent advice. I'm also in my early 40's and I would concur that selfishness is one of the biggest evils in the world. You should expect nothing of substance from anyone who cannot look past themselves, and their own wants and needs. If you get in bed with a selfish person, that will always end predictably bad for you. For some people I believe it is literally a part of their personality and as such, it's not something they can change. Those people will never learn to put anyone or anything before themselves, and they will make everyone around them miserable at some point. I pity them for they know not what they miss out on in life.

LMAO @ the concept of warning signs! Having been treated to a similar experience with my Ex, I can tell you that regardless of who some people are when you're married, they become the unholy scorned when you choose to end it. He was never particularly enjoyable to be around, but he was tolerable for the most part, however when we agreed to divorce he became hell bent on destroying everything possible in my life. He puts a lot of effort into it, more than I honestly thought him capable of, apparently lazy people can actually work for something if they want it bad enough.

I think some people simply cannot deal with the fact that someone doesn't want them, even if they don't want the other person, it's an affront to them to know somewhere in the world a person exists who doesn't think the sun rises and sets because of them. Call it ego, selfishness, narcissism, or whatever, but when you add that to the stress and strife that typically accompanies divorce, it's just pretty much assured that it's going to be a drama filled mess. And I've found it really doesn't matter how reasonable one party is, if the other one isn't having it you're screwed. The party who feels scorned will use anything at their disposal to exact revenge and cause pain, that includes money, property, and children. It's sad and it's despicable, but you can't change someone else, and what they do is on them. The only thing you can do is control your reaction. So sorry to tell you this babe, but people don't always stay who they are after you marry them, and they sure don't when you divorce them, and unfortunately there's no way to guarantee that you get one of the people who won't turn into a nightmare. Obviously the better you know someone before you marry them, the better the chances you really know them, but still there are people who are very good at hiding what they know you would object to. I think they figure they only have to behave until they've got you and then you're stuck with them. It's a very effective strategy for some people.

 

Yeah love can be a motherfuka sometimes. You fam I know you posted your weight lifting regime what is it again. Vegas is right around the corner lol

 

I'm aware people change but id like to believe once you've built a life with someone they wouldn't want to bring you down just because things are over.