Who has the worst time - ww&bm or wm&bw?

Pretty late to this thread but it is probably bm/ww. However, depending on the enviroment/area where people live, then wm/bw can be tough too (esp if its in the inner city area. White dude would have to have a lot of balls to walk down the hood holding hands with a sista).

 

to be honest, I would like to say that both have dealt with it about equal.
However I have to say that is not true. I have seen less of my black female friends deal with any kind of flack, issues, racism from dating a white man than I ever have. I have constantly dealt with it from others. Both white men, white women and black women.

White men it tends to be a 'why do you go for the dark ones, when you're so light?' etcetera attitude which really gets me. I go for a person because of their personality. So what if I happen to like black men's attitudes/personality and raising? That's my choosing!

White women I get the obvious. 'Are black men better lovers? Do they have bigger..." you get the idea. Which again, I find horrible to ask. Cuz it's not entirely true. I have come across black men that are ATROCIOUS in bed, among other things. Ahem.

I hate to say it - but black women are the worst. I have found that for my black female friends being raised in white or interracial culture have NONE of these attitudes. They're much like me. You may have a preference BUT you end up with who you end up.
I have endured COUNTLESS comments, racism and anything you can imagine from black women telling me I have stolen their men, I should date my own colour if I complain about them so much(I complain about a person NOT about stereotypes and 'black' culture if you wanna call it that), etc. Especially the ones who are with black men themselves. I just tend to get stares from white people. Black girls will actually approach me and call me out or email me and message me, etc on it. Or I get told that I need to shut up about my IR relationship and keep shut about it. Which I have yet to hear from a white person(honestly). I can deal with the stares, the glares, the looks. I cannot deal with the intolerance and racism and being told I need to stop letting people know I am with a black man.

With black women dating white men, it's never seen as a big deal. I've never heard one black man say that white men are stealing their women(apparently people are property now I hate that!) and they never seem to really care. To most black men, it's about the person in the end. Not their skin colour. That's not to say black women haven't endured it, I'm sure they have but I have rarely heard or seen it happening from them. It's just another relationship, it's not about skin colour. Most white men are the opposite and WANT to be with a black woman because she is seen as strong, independent, etc. Whereas white women are seen as submissive, dependent, stupid. Both cultures do have those types LOL! not just one or the other.

 

well stated. most people will not say what you told us.

 

I agree with what you said. One of the main issues that society has in general is hasty generalizations. There is no one size fits all box that any one particular group can fit in. All of any one group, I don't care if you are talking about people or cars, is the same. Every person has their own history, background, experiences, etc. that makes them who they are.

A lot of these people that go around hating have their own shit to deal with and refuse to work on it. So instead they choose to take it out on someone else so they can feel better about themselves.

I date who I want and do what I want to do. Some people are going to have a problem with who you choose to date regardless anyway. Even within the black community there are color wars going on. Some people think that if someone is lighter skinned they are better than a darker skinned person. Other people may say someone about a person if they are too short, too skinny, or over weight. All that crap is stupid and falls in to that divide and conquer tactic that people have used for generations to split and divide people. In the end many people suffer because of those tactics instead of working together to make things better.

People are entitled to their own opinion but the world is not going to fall off its axis if a white woman and a black man decide to love each other and be in a relationship.

I don't know its just some people are strange. I say to them if you don't like interracial relationships, don't get involed in one yourself lol.

 

Damn good post...but....BW dont' take that "strong BW" shit outside their race.

Brothers are the only ones that have to hear that mess.

When sisters go IR..they become submissive as Gheisha girls...

BM are the ONLY men sisters refuse to submit to.

 

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to flaminghetero again.:smt023

 

Thank you. I appreciate that. Do not get me wrong, my best girlfriend of 20 years is a black girl - but she is NOT of those stereotypes that do exist, thank goodness. And I do know others. I went into the experience(I started dating black men when I was eighteen) blinded as it were without any of those stereotypes. I just have happened to come across them as well unfortunately. I just state what I see. I have been told by a lot as well to keep shut on it too because IT is a stereotype, I know that but it is WHAT i have endured. If I didn't, it would cease to be an issue!

 

:smt023:smt023:smt023

 

People need to know we're the only race that don't get the red-carpet treatment from BW.

 

I don't know about WM/BW, but the last few relationships I've been in that were me and a BM, I got some looks...

When I lived in Charlotte, NC, my boyfriend and I were thrown out of a gas station and told 'Your kind aren't welcome here.' We were trying to buy a bottle of water and pay for our gas. I was shocked...he was furious... I had to calm him down because he was so upset.

Now that I live in Buffalo again, it's pretty hot up here for IR couples. Actually, a few months ago, there was a WM/BW couple that made the news because he got beat up pretty bad for dating her.

This area is not the most forgiving, I don't think. I also come from an old Italian family that doesn't really approve of my dating choices. When I almost married my last boyfriend, my mom about lost her mind. The *n* word comes out of her mouth pretty frequently, and when I tried to talk to her about my ex and I dating, she actually said 'I don't know where I went wrong with you. I don't know how I failed.' I was like ....WTF?!.. and then I told her: 'Well, clearly it's a testament to how well you raised me! I didn't learn to hate someone for the color of their skin!'

Part of that comes from the fact that the BM I dated in Charlotte also beat the tar out of me on a pretty regular basis, but I have no tolerance for racism. At all. Ever.

I also think that, in this area, a WW dating a BM is seen as trashy. It almost hurts me to say that... but I think that's how it is seen here. I've heard a lot of comments in passing from people that seem to reflect that attitude, and it hurts. I'm a college educated woman working on my MA and then my PhD, and now I'm *trashy* because I choose to date BM? UGH.

So, I guess it all comes down to where you live if you have or see trouble in any kind of IR relationship.

 

Sorry all that had to happen to you. You need to move somewhere decent. Just for your own sake as an educated person, not just for dating black men.

 

It's on my list, karmacoma! Unfortunately, I really like my job.

Maybe they'll let me transfer to the Athens office. :-D lol

 

I agree.

Grl, they're the trashy ones. You know that they're just close-minded assholes and idiots. All you can do is try to live your life as happily as you can. The outside forces can be really strong and weigh heavily in our lives, but it only makes you stronger and able to combat the bullshit that comes your way.

 

I am sorry all that happened to you. Like others have said some people are very closed minded. I think that if you can find someone that you love, respect, and treats you good thats important. They have a lot of fools in the world that will be ready to rip up who ever you get with anyway. If it wasn't race they would find something else to get on like how tall or short someone is, hair color, weight, etc.

People love to knock other people around for a variety of reasons. Some people think its game. I think people that do that are not happy with themselves in their own situation so they have to knock others down to bring themselves up. Thats very stupid but thats how some people operate.

All I have to say is do whats right for you and do what makes you happy. In the end thats what really matters.

 

Hey everyone,

Thanks for the support! I was just trying to illustrate the point that I don't think we can really say who has the worse time making things work- although I guess that's relative to where you are.

And considering the topic of general conversation- have any of you had difficulties with your relationships because of your families? How do you handle it? I mean, I do not date exclusively BM, but I date BM probably more often than not, and it seems like my family- well, my mother in particular- can't stand it when I date outside my race, with a specific intolerance for BM.

I come from a large Italian family, so we're all pretty close, and there's no avoiding her (as much as I would LOVE to sometimes..lol). I stand my ground pretty well, considering I'm older and wiser now, but I'm wondering how you've all crossed that bridge when/if you've come to it.

 

I'm sorry your mother is like that, I'm sure that's a very uncomfortable position to be in. Never had a problem with family personally. Several IR relationships and marriages in my family, so it's not an uncommon thing. I have a couple Uncles and cousins who would generally frown on IR, but the last person they'd say anything to would be me. I am completely intolerant of ignorant, narrow minded people, and that includes family. If anyone actually had the courage to press the issue with me, and I was unsuccessful in communicating to them that they needed to shut their mouths, I'd have no issue cutting off contact with them. It wouldn't matter to me whether it was my mother or sisters, or anyone else that I love. As a parent, I believe that you have to stand by what you teach your kids. IMO you cannot say you are not racist, and then spend time with people who are openly racist, it's hypocritical and it sets a bad example. You either condemn those beliefs, or you condone them, and tolerating them is tacitly condoning them. If you love your children, your primary goal is to see them happy, and that extends to their relationships. Happiness is not dependent upon skin color. I understand that it's difficult when it's a family member giving you grief, and I know that cutting off contact probably seems harsh, but I would just have to make it clear that they needed to keep their opinions to themselves, or I wouldn't be spending any time with them.

 

I come from a large (extended) family as well.

There was an issue growing up, but now, they could care less. They see that this is who I am and who I date. My mother is always trying to find out what my type is and wanting to marry me off. She wouldn't care if I married an Alien. She wants me to be happy. She also wants me to find/have a good man who's supportive and treats me respectfully. She liked my ex a lot. She used to take his side when I'd tell her about our arguments.

 

Espy, you are absolutely right- I kind of subscribed to the whole 'If I love her enough, she'll change' thing for a long time, until I realized she wasn't going to do that. At one point, she said she'd rather me marry a white garbage collector than a black neurologist, so yeah, that was special.

She started to come around when my last BF and I were talking marriage (and when I say talking- we were ring shopping, so she had to put up or shut up), and she had pretty much come to terms. Since we split up, and it wasn't pretty, I'd have to say she's reverted- I mean, I'm just gonna guess that her slew of anti-Obama e-mails and comments about joining the Tea Party are an indication of her current state of mind. But, since she's started drinking that kool-aid, we don't really talk if we don't have to...and generally, we don't have to, so it works out.

Luckily, the rest of the family supports me and my decisions- they just want me to be happy, but I find the whole thing interesting...that we can have such racism in this day and age. I guess it shouldn't surprise me...but it does.

 

Nooooo! Tea Partiers are racist? Really? I DON'T BELIEVE IT