article from black voices: Melanie Fiona's 'It Kills Me': The Desperate, Pathetic Woman's Anthem By on Feb 25th 2010 11:31AM I know sometimes we are all a sucker for a good beat, a nice melody and a sweet voice. A current song that has recently made its way to the top of the charts, though, has got to be the worst thing to happen to women since stiletto heels. When I first heard this tune, I wasn't familiar with Melanie Fiona (pictured above). I just knew that every time I heard the pathetic, desperate lyrics, I was disgusted. It's been a long time since I heard a song by a woman that was so destructive to the empowerment of sisterhood. Fiona's song is basically, the desperate, pathetic woman's anthem. Forget self-esteem, forget independent thought, forget doing what's best for you, Fiona loudly proclaims about 15 times a day, every day, on the radio that it's really about a warm body. Forget demanding that you be treated with respect, as long as he comes home eventually, it's all good. Fiona's song unfortunately tells young women that agonizing over a no-good man, who is clearly bad for you, is not only reasonable but is a true indicator of "love." It proclaims to the rooftops that having a dirty dog of a boyfriend is okay, and you just have to deal with it as best you can. And as if we don't have enough problems with families in the black community, now here comes a woman who shamelessly declares that she also wants to have babies with this man, who admittedly treats her badly. He cheats, they fight, he doesn't come home -- sounds like the perfect man to father your babies, Melanie. At some point we must all take responsibility for the messages we are promulgating to our young people about life and relationships and choices. Can we be that surprised that our young women allow themselves to be treated poorly and then add insult to injury by having children with awful men in the name of love? We wonder why our ladies come home with idiots and thugs who can't string a sentence together or who abuse them or otherwise disrespect them? We wonder why so many young women blamed Rihanna. Well, I have one place to start looking for answers: the radio. Yes, Fiona, you've gotta be out your mind.
Melanie Fiona It Kills Me lyrics Oh yaahh I've got trouble with my friends Trouble in my life Problems when you don't come home at night But when you do You always start a fight But I can't be alone I need you to come on home I know you messin around But who da hell else is gonna hold me down Oooh I gota bo out my mind To think it's gona work this time A part of me wants to leave But the other side Still believe's And it kills me To know how much I really love you So much I wana hoo hoo hooo To you hoo hoo Should I grab his cell Call this chick up Start some shhh And then hang up Or should I be a lady Ooh maybe cause I wana have his baby Ooh yea I don't wana be alone I don't need to be on my own But I love this man But some things I just can't stand Ooh I gota be out my mind To think it's gona work this time A part of me wants to leave But the other side still believes And it kills me To know how much I really love you So much I wana hoo hoo hoo To you hoo hoo Shud I play him back To see how he'll react ooo To see if he'll react to my love My love Ooh I gota be out my mind To think it's gona work this time A part of me wants to leave But the other side still believes And it kills me To know how much I really love you So much I wana hoo hoo hoo To you hoo hoo Ooh and it kills me To know how much I really love you So much I wana hoo hoo hoo To you hoo hoo
I've always had issues with the lyrics to this song. I have an "educated" homegirl who loves this song. I could never figure out why. She probably can relate to it. I guess its a woman thing. Whatever it may be, I don't condone it. To each his own I guess. *It sounds like his sex is so good she doesn't want to let him go...*
i just thought it to be interesting that black voices was disecting this song...sometimes i think we do get caught up in the beat and don't really listen or think about what the message is in a song...can you imagine if all songs went through this type of scrutiny...i don't like the story because it portrays a pathetic woman...i thought it was strange that they would go after one of their own as if wanting her to fail due to these lyrics
It's not Aesop. Obviously there are women who choose to spend time with men who treat them badly, and the opposite is also true. For people like that perhaps these lyrics personify the concept of loving someone so much you'll overlook everything, forgive anything, and just be thankful they don't leave you? That wouldn't work with me, and I find nothing of value in the message the lyrics convey. Also no amount of great sex would make the rest tolerable.
That's the meaning behind the phrase "The best place to hide something is out in the open". Subliminal messages have been carried by and transported through music and entertainment for years. I'm surprised that anyone said anything about this song at all. It will take me more than a million threads to explain to you how black music is being exploited and systematically destroyed at the same time. Its nice to know that you are interested in this issue lipstick.
I'm glad that you explained it the way that you did Espy. I was beginning to believe that it was no way that a man can have a conversation with a woman about this subject. Some women make this topic seem mystical when there is, in reality, as you just have demonstrated with your explaination, a clear view of what's going on. Its destructive.
i read black voices all the time...there are so many things happening out there it's hard to pick and choose what to bring to the forum but we needed some new discussions threads with some substance...i find this issue a catch 22...you like a song...listening to the beat...singing along...not really thinking about what the message is until someone points it out to you...then you feel stupid for suggesting that you like it...it's the rain on the parade mentality
you can say that again! love is like the icing on a cake...you have to have a foundation cake to spread the icing on or you just have a bowl full of frosting
I agree, and most of the people I have known that are in this type of relationship have self-esteem issues. Basically they don't think enough of themselves to stand up for themselves. They feel like the other person is doing them a favor by staying with them and they will therefore put up with being treated badly. It's sad and just because someone puts up with it, doesn't mean it's okay to treat them that way. I really have difficulty comprehending how anyone could depend upon another person for their own happiness to the extent that they'd willing accept such mistreatment. I think they are just incapable of being content with themselves and thus will always seek that in another person, which will always prove futile.
Your right. I have to admit that I'm very guilty of marching in that parade. But that is exactly what that music is designed to do: Get you marching in that parade!
I agree that love doesn't always conquer all, but I do believe in certain circumstances it can. I was actually discussing this with my little sister this week, she's thinking of ending a 5 year relationship with her fiance and wanted advice from 'the voice of reason'. She brought up the concept of love conquers all and I explained to her that IMO that only works if both people truly love each other as much as they love themselves. If two people can achieve that, then I do believe there is nothing they cannot overcome. Unfortunately I think very few people have that kind of love for another person, and perhaps it's literally not possible for some people to achieve that level of selflessness? But every once in a while two people do get it right.
At times, love doesn't conquer all because love is like water-it is able to be contaminated. When water is dirty it has a different look, a different smell, and is dangerous to consume. It must be replaced with a new cup of water. Love is the same way. When love is contaminated with high levels of abuse (physical and verbal), deception, lies, and disrespect it is dangerous to consume-it must be replaced no matter how bad it hurts.
You know country musicians have written songs for decades about folks being in bad relationships. It hasn't exactly hurt the white community. I don't know much about this song being discussed but if its a painful look in at some of the wretched junk people will deal with all for the sake of "love" then I don't see a problem with it. As long as the artist/writer isn't glamorizing abuse or anything like that. To be honest the fact that its a song sung by a black female in which she is not demanding respect, not talking about rent, not asking what a suitor can do for her (money), not singing anthems regarding the dog nature of men and not yapping about a man putting a ring on her finger then its actually refreshing. Its like the equivalent of a gangsta rapper NOT talking about getting benjamins, bragging about violence and getting pussy. You start to celebrate the song not for what it is but for what it isn't. I think both black men and black women have dropped the ball in urban music when it comes to the subject of love (the 1970s puts this current era of music to shame). Still its at least noteworthy that this song is not 1000th anthem about how a woman doesn't need a man. There are plenty of those type of tunes out there so how could this one single song have a greater influence on the black female public?
That is a sad level of self esteem. I understand that there are people in this world that think this way. I hope they find what they are looking for (Peace) before what's looking for them (Destruction) finds them.
nice spin jamal...there are always so many different ways to look at situations...sometimes we just need a fresh pair of eyes
I mean it as a general concept. Love is not something that can overcome anything - it doesnt matter how much you two people love eachother. There are things that can not be overcome by love. Some things are stuff you mentioned, but also things you can not compromize on regardless how much you love somebody - it could be a matter of religion or legal issues and so on.
