Is it time to let my relationship go?

I posted in another thread that I'd finally met the best man for me. He loves me, has his life together, does not have children, and at 35, is ready to settle down (I am 28). I work during the daytime, he works 3rd shift, and we live an hour away from each other so the only time we really have to spend together is the weekend.

We are great when we're together, but the time we spend apart is really hurting our relationship. For the last three weeks we've only seen each other for a total of six hours. He is supporting his mother (who has cancer), sister, and her child who live with him, and he has a network of friends who are always having trouble and need him to come to their rescue. He spends a lot of time helping and giving money to these needy people (most of which I feel take advantage of him) and it is taking away from the time we spend together.

We've known each other since September and became a couple in December and we've not yet spent a continuous twenty-four hours together. He's met my mother who lives twelve hours away but I've not yet met his family. Once, when we were fighting, he shared a negative piece of information about me with his sister and now I feel like I'll have no chance of getting to know her on good terms.

I spoke with him about this last weekend but it did not seem to make a difference. I broke up with him last night and told him that I wasn't happy in the relationship. He told me he still loves me but he has a job to do and isn't going to apologize for it. I said "maybe this is bad timing for us" and he agreed. This is very hard for me because I don't commit to a lot of men and I thought he was the one. I am one of the few people in his life that only wants his company and nothing monetary but that doesn't seem to make a difference to him.

Did I make the right choice? Is there a way to save this relationship?

 

Sorry to hear about your breakup CSBean. The man clearly works full-time and then has another full-time job to come home to with his family and friends. I know that doesn't leave a lot of time for you, and that's hard if you really crave that togetherness. If you cannot live with the amount of time he's been spending with you, the amount of time and money he devotes to others, and the fact that he's not going to change either, then yes you made the right decision.

Despite loving you, he has made clear to you where his priorities lie, and they aren't likely to change. If he's always been the one everyone else could count on, they're going to continue to expect that of him and he's going to continue to fulfill that role for them. So I think you either have to accept the relationship as it was, or decide you cannot do that and accept that you've already made the right decision.

I hope you find peace with your decision whatever it is.

 

Ms. Csbean, I'm sorry for the pain that you feel at this time. I hope you find that happiness someday.

 

Judging from what you've said in this post, I would say you made the right choice.

It doesn't sound like he's willing to make any compromises to save the relationship, so it might be best to just move on.

It sounds like you're way down on the priority list for him and he doesn't appear to want to do anything to bring you up a few notches on that list.

 

Very sorry to hear that, I remember very well, how it started..

Epsy already gave you very good points to make your right decision.

He is 35, so he knows very well what he is talking, he is very reliable and two important women in his life seem to need his help.He needs a lot of time and money to fulfill their needs.

On the other hand six hours in three weeks is really a bit less.

If you feel that he is valuable enough that you can follow him and that you can forget your own expectations, then for sure this relationship makes sense. He seems to be a diamond. But you have to realize that you will never have him for yourself alone..

 

sorry to hear about the breakup bean:smt009...it's really hard right when it is happening but somewhere down the road you will have that ah ha moment and realize why it had to happen

 

Two things stick out to me:

1) I think its a bit too soon to ask to be put higher on the priority list to be honest - seems he has some serious responsibilities and might need a bit of time to adjust to having someone else in his life to learn to be considerate about. After all, your relationship is brand new.
The fact that he mentioned you at all to his sister is acctually a good sign even if it wasnt in the light that would be preferable.

2) does he really have all these friends that constantly need help and support from him or is it an excuse? If it is true, the he sounds like he is one of those caretakers and then you always will fight for the little time he has over to himself.

So either, its way to early for him to make re-priorities which I think is very plausible or he never will. His refusal to even consider thinking about the situation could be just out of anger or a mere fact....

maybe he is worth it, if so, you need to have a calm, non charged discussion with him.

I personally early on in relationships have a tendency to write men off if I feel they are not that into me and sometimes I wonder if Im too quick to make such decissions..... or maybe they were true good decissions - the crux is youll never really know if it really was...

Go with your gut instinct.

 

You already got lots of good advice so I will just give you :smt056 . Sometimes in the heat of things it's hard to see clearly. Just trust your intuition.

 

You can explain your situation until you're blue in the face, but outsiders still will never completely understand your situation. Your situation is unique to you. With that said, why would financial support take up so much of his time that he can't spend some with you? Is he doing things physically with his family that he can't spend time with you? and if so, sounds like he made his decision.

It may sound insensitive, and I don't know you, but it sounds and looks like you could find a guy just as good or exceeds your recent ex's standards easily. I'm sure there are plenty handsome guys that live closer to you, and meet your financial, family, etc standards. Good luck