A truly exclusive site to meet white women who want to date black men?

lippy will bite...looks matter to me...does that mean he has to look like the men in the "hot black men" thread? no, he only has to be attractive to me as far as what i look for in a man...someone of equal attractiveness...this creates the initial attraction...then ofcourse, tickly my funny bone and lets solve the worlds problems over coffee...it has to be a total package because i can tell you there are lots of beautiful men out there that are dumber than a box of rocks....couldn't hold my attention to save their souls...then we have the i'm handsome but a total bore...or the i'm the cat's meow kind of guy...snore:smt015

money...hmmm, money...well, for myself i wouldn't want to have to take care of another person...so hopefully he at least has a job...even better if he loves what he does...i don't need anyone to take care of me...i think money comes into play when two people start to look at a future together...it would be important that they both are seeing the same picture...meaning this is the house we together can afford if one is thinking 2 bedroom/2 bath in a suburb and the other is thinking loft in the city...this is the vacation we can take the kids on that fits into our budget...if one is thinking a trip to hawaii and the other thinks a roadtrip to the nearest national park then there are going to be problems...

the problem about money is that couples don't talk about money until it's too late...

if lippy has to choose i would rather be with someone that i was attracted to with a job...then a man that just doesn't do it for me that has money...that doesn't interest me at all and when men try the this is what i bring to the table and it's all about money...i'm out!

 

I agree with you in that points. But I need to define, what it means for me.

- Look is important to me. I wouldn´t like to be with a model, but I have to like his body and his face- and I don´t like to have an overweighted man. He should be dark-skinned, not necessarily black, also mediterranean, arabic, indians or mixed..So you are right a good look is important to me-it has to be my understanding of good looking, that´s my sexual attraction. If I don´t like the persons outside, I could never be with him.

-I want to keep my level of life style and I also have no problem, if his finacial status is not the best and stabliest at the moment, but I also don´t want to be responsible for our expenses alone. In that case, yes money is important to me. I am not interested, how much money he has, it will never be mine, so why should I, but I like to have a man with phantasy, ambition and discipline and that mostly brings money with itself. Somebody, who has nothing and I also don´t see any potential or way it will change, I couldn´t be with.

 

Woohoo!! This is EXACTLY it! You said what needed to be said.

Like I've said about my previous relationship, I was the one who had to make changes within myself because I was attracting the WAY WRONG men. That part was all on my shoulders and I did what I needed to do to fix it and attract the good men.

We seem to live in a blameless society where nothing is ever the person's fault. We can't continue, as a culture, to live like that. It's incredibly unhealthy. We have to first look into ourselves to see if there are things that need to be adjusted and fixed in our perceptions.

Thanks, FG, for finally putting it out there. :smt023

 

That's why you're okay in my book.

 

That makes sense.

 

Problem is...that's what (today's) society tells us we should be looking for: the real life Barbies and Kens.

 

Sure, there is an unhealthy ideoligy/picure out there prepetuated by the media.. but I can spot a superficial player dude a mile away and I wont expect anything more from him.. I am smart enough to NOT say all men ar superficial that only care about looks and boobs - I know better (now)
Many men on here are clearly very smart - why do they not get that then?

if you always approach barbies with crappy values why do you get suprised by the outcome?
There are both good men and women that are overlooked by the oposite sex that are distracted by dumb crap and dont seem to ever "get it".

What gets me the most is not that but the blame game - i.e., ALL women wants "this" or ALL men wants "that".
Maybe its not them but you (as in the general you). The easiest answers is usually the correct one.

We blame everybody else than our own behavior - we really need to take responsibility for that and see what WE can change within ourselves and start approaching the men and women that acctually are worth it and stop blaming the other sex or the silly picture that is perpetuated by the media when we in reality keep approaching crappy empty shells of human beings and get surprised by the outcome...

Like I said before, I finally got that message a long time ago and stopped blaming "all men" for being crappy and finally realized that I needed to go after another "type" of man....

 

:smt058

 

That's because, apparently, most people can't think for themselves.

It's time to stop caring about what society deems to be the "it" thing, and start caring about finding what works for you as an individual.

 

And we would listen to them... why?

I have truly never understood why anyone would listen to anyone else. There are people who of course matter to me, such as my siblings, my mother, and my children, and I do listen to their opinions and they are encouraged to share them with me. However, quite literally, nothing any one of them says will influence me in any way because ultimately the only person I'm going to listen to on anything that directly affects me, is me. Should we disagree on anything, I will let them know I don't agree, thank them for their input and then I'll do as I please. I've yet to allow anyone else's perception to cloud my judgment, and I expect the same from the people I know. I really don't get people who worry about what other people think, it's just baffling to me.

 

I never said women were incapable I said that the ability for us to take care of them is what they find attractive.

 

Why can't women make the first move when they want to meet the man of their dreams? In this country there are not too many women who are bold enough to do it. It is not a sign of desperation to get what you want since it beats men whom they despise or don't like from asking them out-unless they love bad boys.

 

It has nothing to do with being bold, at least not for me. It's a sign of self-confidence in a man if he is bold enough to approach me. The guy that doesn't have the guts to come up to me is likely not a good fit for me because I'm really content and confident with myself. That's not to say I wouldn't send him more than enough signals to let him know it's okay to approach, and I might even start the conversation, but I'm not going to make a move beyond that. If he can't take it from there, then so be it. Part of it for me is how I was brought up, I was always taught that a lady just does not approach a man, that's his job. It's also partly to do with the afore mentioned confidence. I have always been the leader in pretty much all aspects of my previous relationships by default, I mean someone has to be and they sure weren't interested in acting in that capacity, so that fell to me. I'm not particularly interested in repeating that particular pattern, I prefer a man who can think and act on his own behalf. And that starts with him making the first move on me.

I have no issue with any woman who wants to make the first move, that's their prerogative and I don't see that as desperation. It's just not for me. I have never made the first move on a guy and I doubt I ever will. You also shouldn't assume all women are looking for the 'man of their dreams', some are quite content to be single and perhaps that's why they don't make a move.

 

Wait I want to meet a woman who isn't afraid to init. contact! Are there any?

Women wanted equality, and in many cases they have it! Oh the corporate world still isn't paying women what they pay men to do.
Well... welcome to the Black experience in America!
Yet when it comes to initiating contact for the express purpose of romance or just plain sex...! The guy has to be confident to approach a content and confident woman! I think that is Bull. Why shouldn't women take the same risks that men do in a first contact situation? :smt012

 

Thank you Lippy, Christine and Bookie for keeping it real!

 

You're acting like all women have to be approached. There are plenty of women who don't, who'll gladly approach a man.

However there are also plenty of women who prefer to be approached.

Just like there are some men who prefer to approach, and others who want to be approached.

It comes down to preference.

It's not about taking a risk. If I don't like vanilla ice cream it's not me being a pussy when I buy chocolate. It's me getting what I want.

If you want a woman that will approach you then go find one. I promise you, bitching about it on a message board isn't going to do it for you. You have to go outside to find those women.

I have been on both ends of the pursuit. Mostly I've been pursued, but you know what? When I met my boyfriend he was way too good for me to pass up, so I turned up the charm and initiated hanging out often. But that's me. Some chicks won't even do that. It's not like it's something you can fix.

But for the love of god stop acting like we all act the exact same. That's ignorant and rude. If I let the actions of the majority of men I have dated shape my opinions of an entire gender I'd think men were all pigs who only asked girls out for fucking and are all boring as shit with no brains. Thankfully, I'm smart enough to realize that even if the vast majority of my experiences with the opposite sex while dating have been horrible that it doesn't mean all men are like that. There are still many sweet, wonderful, intelligent men out there. It doesn't even mean all men in Houston, or even my area of Houston are the same, either! *gasp* It means I agreed to go out with the wrong ones.

woooow, people are different even if they share the same basic genitalia...omg, someone call the press.

 

Jeez, I swear some people simply lack basic reading comprehension skills.

Did I say I was afraid to approach a man? No, I did not. I assure you that is not the case. Initiating first contact is not the same as making the first move to me. I'm perfectly capable and open to doing the former, but I will not do the later. I believe I stated my reasons for not 'making the first move' quite plainly, but apparently I missed the mark so let me try again, just for you.

If he wants to spend time with me, he has to have the confidence to make a move, period.

It has nothing to do with equality, it's my personal preference. All women don't think like I do, there are plenty who have no issue with approaching a man. And for the record, I will approach one, and I'll even open the conversation, send all the signals, but that's as far as I'm willing to go. He can take it from there, or he can let the opportunity pass, his choice. I don't view it as him taking all the risk. If I've more than illustrated I am receptive, I view that as shared risk. If you need more than that, then by all means go find a woman who is happy to 'take all the risk' for you.

 

lol @ giving him these long responses.


At least you're giving him the benefit of the doubt.

 

I have to agree with soulman on this one. You can't expect equality everywhere else except on because then it's not equality. Hiding behind the guise of confidence is just another way of say you don't think you should have to and don't want to.

 

Nope, that's not it Andrae. I don't 'hide'. It's a personal preference, and one I feel I've explained adequately, don't try to read too much into it. And for the record I don't expect anything including equality, I've never had a problem competing in a man's world, nor felt it was something I needed to whine about. I understand there are people who wouldn't get equality if someone wasn't there to guarantee it for them, and I think in those cases it's completely appropriate and I have no problem being one of the people supporting that. But personally, I can hold my own.