A truly exclusive site to meet white women who want to date black men?

I figured as much, but someone was bound to read it the wrong way. Sometimes I really just don't think before I type, especially when I'm tired.

Last week I worked 89 hours on a site launch, which included 3 all-nighters. Near the end of one of those nights a client sent me a request for some info on a video I had just finished for him. So I replied with the info, and a few minutes later I got his reply back:

"Wow! So many potential ways to take that, but it's late so I'm just gonna let it pass."

I had no clue what the hell he was talking about, until I went back and read what I sent him:

"My apologies, I thought you were referencing length instead of size." :smt107

Sometimes my brain is just too literal for my own good.

 

It's far more likely that this mistake will be made online than in real life.

 

I've never had a problem meeting BM via dating sites. In fact, I put that as my criteria in the search engine and voila.

Although, the few guys I have met in person from the dating sites turned out to be some weirdos and losers.

 

Oh, perhaps they were post some fake pictures? So they don't want you to see the true self of theirs? So sorry that you find them weirdos and losers, but I can assure you that you will find perfect gentleman who will fall in love with you, marry you for rest of his life! That's my promise! :smt081

 

Wow. My only point was that people don't seem to go out and meet each other anymore. They'd rather sit and chat online than actually say hello to the person standing next to them in a bar, the supermarket, the beach, the classroom etc. I know only one person who's met their love online, just one and he is a cheating bastard and his wife flirts with other men online.
I just see the internet as being so artificial. It has it's good points (this forum is one ), but a lot of bad ones too. I'd be uncomfortable meeting up with someone I met online (as far as 'dating' is concerned).
But having said that, I'm the kind of person who would much rather go in and talk to people in person than make a phone call. :smt081

I'm not really a fan of the whole "finding a mate" thing either. No one I know went "looking" for love, they just lived their lives and found them naturally. Perhaps this has given me a very narrow view of search for love. *shrugs* Doesn't really matter to me, I'm married anyway, so I have no need to even begin to "search" for it, it already found me.

 

LOL! Thank you.

No, I've met some cool guys who I keep in contact with whom I've never met. I'm referring to ones I've actually met in person.

I usually like to see several pix so I know what I'm dealing with. I never met someone without doing that, but the first dude I met only had one pic and it was blurry. Well, we were supposed to meet somewhere and I'm there and I'm like where is he? He tells me he's at a shopping center nearby. He then tells me he's in a Honda Accord, so I'm looking all around for an Accord and to no avail, I don't see one. He lied! He was in a Porsche. I could care less if he was in a Yugo. I was pissed. He wasted my time on many levels. He did some other shit that equates to a weirdo.

Then I met another guy and I couldn't tell if he found me attractive or not cause he's never said anything. I noticed he hugged me hello a little tightly. We attempted to go bowling, but this dude and him almost got into a fight at the front door - cause he accidentally swung the door open when the other dude was coming out. That dude got mad (for no reason) and was trying to show off for his girl and another couple. Well, I ended up hanging out with this guy 2x after that and the last time I did, he tried to kiss me. I'm like okay. I'm usually aware of a mans feelings for me and with him, like I said, I wasn't. To make a long story short, we texted soon after that and then I didn't hear from him. I saw him on the dating site and he blocked me. I'm like wtf? I think it might be cause in the last text, I said I didn't know he was interested in me and that I didn't realize I liked him.

Then the last dude - well, he was militant and a weedhead. No need to explain anything further.

I met another one who I didn't meet in person and we spoke for a while who also turned out to be a fucking weirdo. It's sad cause he was really cute too.

 

It's funny how I always read online that money and looks dont matter. But in reality (real life) I never crossed a path with a person who uttered these phrase to me. I talk and chat with many women of 20-50 age group, at work, book store, coffee shop, college's that I tutor, library, museum, etc.... I am a decent conversationalist and I speak with these women (majority of them are WW) about any topics including dating and marriage. Each and everyone of these ladies has two things in their dating criteria list, guess what they are, money and good looks.
They all state they want a dashing good looking guy who has money and no baggage. They say if the guy is not good looking, he better be rich. So this leads me to believe that a guy has to be good looking and be financially stable OR if he is as hideous as a fat ogre then he better come with a stash.

So if you're unatheletic average Joe BM who is prolly at best 5/10 and want an 8 out of 10 WW, my friend you're reaching.......so, to offset this crazy dynamic, you better have lots of money and be willing to spend it on her.

my 2 cents, I know Espy is going to go on lecture mode on this but hey it is what I heard.

 

:smt042 Am I that bad, and predictably so?

I have no doubt you speak the utter truth GZ. I know similar women and so don't dispute they exist. I'm just saying that doesn't make us all that way. Money absolutely means nothing to me in a man, I have my own thank you very much, I neither want nor need his. That may put me in the minority of women, but I'm fine with that.

And to illustrate my other point, my daughter said something to me tonight on the subject of looks. We were talking about a new guy in her class who has taken an obvious liking to her and so I asked her to describe him and of course she divulged nothing about what he looked like, only personality traits (yes she has my disease). So out of curiosity I asked her if she deemed him to be attractive and she said "he's fine" and I understood that to mean okay looking, but just to clarify I ask her to compare him to her best friend who she always describes as really beautiful. She replied, 'no he's not nearly as beautiful as Scott, but I find Scott so attractive because I like who he is and so that makes him more beautiful than any other man. No one could compete with his personality and so no other man is ever that beautiful to me." Now let me add that I've met Scott many times and he's nice looking, but I wouldn't describe him as strikingly beautiful, based solely upon looks he's solidly average. She then proceeded to tell me "If someone is kind, polite, easy to talk to, and funny, I think they're beautiful regardless of what the outside looks like, but if someone is a really nice looking asshole, they will always be ugly in my mind. The right personality in a guy or girl will always upgrade the exterior for me."

So there you have it from the younger generation, as well as the older generation. I get the whole 'an 8 will never be attracted to a 4' philosophy, it just doesn't always hold true. There are always exceptions to every rule. But I will say that I can see how online dating would level the field a bit more in that it might give someone the chance to actually get to know you before making a judgment on whether you are 'dateable' from a physical perspective. If that's actually the case then more people should try it, it might expand their thinking.

 

Good God, Espy- you have an answer for everything. I swear I am going to start Dear Espy thread for love and money advise.

Here it comes the first one.

Dear Espy,

I am a some what decent guy, quite a few beautiful ladies find my ugly face attractive. They say I am a catch, but the problem is all these women have either a psychological baggage, spritual defeciency, or just right out too superficial for me. So dear Espy pls give me advise. What can I do to steer my self from these kind of crowd and find a decent christian woman for me, before I march down to the local psych ward & submit myself for volunteer inpatient admission.

Your faithful column reader,

John Blk Doe

LoL

 

Hahahahaha! Aren't you just in rare form tonight? I think DH is the resident advice columnist, but let me say one thing (stop shaking your head in disbelief, I actually can say just one thing, just you watch me):

If spiritual is a biggie for you, about the only way to guarantee that is to meet someone at church or at a church function. It's a crap shoot otherwise. There's just no way to tell, and in my experience you got a 50/50 shot of finding someone spiritual around these parts... and I'm in the Bible belt so you may have worse odds elsewhere. Even on online dating sites I noticed a lot of guys list themselves as religious, but then another part of their profile completely contradicts that, so I suspect they may be taking the approach of checking every box to ensure they appeal to the widest possible audience? False advertising I know, and deceit is such a great way to start a relationship too. But anyway, of your criteria, the spiritual is going to be the hardest one to find I think.

Ah, my one thing limit is up... so that's all you get for now. Besides I think I've derailed every thread I've been in today so I really need to straighten up before someone takes me to task.

 

I completely agree she does have an answer for everything but I might remind her. Espy you're the exception not the rule my friend. And I have to disagree with Unchosen because as a man whether youre good looking or not a lot of women if not most want to be taken care of. They want financial stability.
And unfortunately a lot of them rely on men to bring that to them rather than getting it themselves.

 

dre, that is what I said, they look for financial stability.

BTW, Espy is no exception, she is playing the devil's advocate. I swear we all have to drive down to Tulsa and see how she behaves in person, LoL.





am kidding, am kidding Espy.

 

Thank you Andrae for the distinction, and allow me to point out that being taken care of is a completely foreign concept to me and likely why I am so adverse to it. I was raised to never expect anything from anyone, my grandfather drummed into me 'you want something, you get it for yourself, never depend on or expect someone else to do for you cause God gave you a brain and He expects you to use it. There is no accomplishment in having anything handed to you.' He then followed that up by making me learn every darn thing possible, despite catching a lot of flack from my Grandmother for teaching me 'man' stuff. Ladies do not hunt, or change the oil, or saddle their own horse... blah, blah, blah. Poor woman was mortified I'd be completely undesirable, fortunately Grandpa didn't care. He taught me a lot of really useful stuff, though at the time I thought he was borderline OCD or something.

 

Espy does not play devil's advocate... pretty sure that's actually Petty's job around here. Unfortunately I actually behave exactly the same offline as I do online. I'm an opinionated, independent, open-minded, pain in the ass... I can provide references who can attest to that, and it's a really long list.

I don't have all the answers, but I have a pretty good knowledge base, and that's a combination of age and having been confronted with just damn near everything imaginable at some point. I'm my families problem solver, you got a problem you can't solve, or one that you don't want to solve because you'd rather stick your head in the sand, you call Espy and then just sit back and wait for her to sort it all out. And of course I do, quite well. So I've seen, heard, and fixed just about everything. I know people should clean up their own messes, but they aren't going to and it drives me crazy to sit back and watch them bumbling around and wasting hours on something I could resolve in minutes. It's a blessing and a curse, but it's my job. On the bright side, it takes a lot to shock me... I've got some really f**cked up folks in my family.

 

You get it wrong.

Women can take care of themselves, they already prove it, everyday.. and not only for themselves, also for their children.

It´s a mans decision, whether he wants to be a "valuable" help in financial stability or not. If he decides that he isn´t willing - then please do not expect my respect for him. But my experience is that a proud man loves to take care of his wife and family. These people belong to him. A woman has two jobs in that case, mother (raising children/staying at home) and earning money. She is prepared to feed her children, must she feed his boy-friend or husband, too?

 

As my Mom always says: it takes all kinds to make the world go round. That's very true. Nothing ceases to amaze me anymore.

Yes, there are people like that in this world. And there are people who AREN'T like that. I think there are a few of us women on the board here that aren't as into looks and riches as most women apparently are. Some women are fixated on that (I have a friend who is), but there are many who would rather be with a guy who can make them laugh, and give them intelligent conversation. *raises hand*

The flipside, of course, is there are enough men out there who put up with the shenanigans of a smoking hot chick who has an attitude the size of Texas, treats them like garbage, and is pretty much allowed to act any way she wants, all in the name of looks. They would pass up on a great female who isn't as hot as the psycho chick, because they want that "arm candy".

So, like I said, it takes all kinds to make the world go round. But for me, give me someone who can give me intellectual conversations and can make me laugh. That's really all that matters to me. Personality lasts a helluva lot longer than looks.

:smt023

 

I can't co-sign this one enough. I don't care how hot a man is if he is unable to stimulate my mind and tickle my funny bone, the days with him will be numbered. Beauty fades, but dumb is forever.

 

Thanks Bookie for backing me up on this. I'm not the only female on the planet who thinks like this, and the women on here prove that point. I do wonder though if it's a function of age? Generally speaking you become more stable in all aspects of life as you get older, and I would venture to say that if you are stable then you're not so hung up on looking for that in another person. I'm actually very much the same as I was at 16 when I started dating, other than being less of a hot head and being financially secure now. Money never mattered to me, even when I had less than I do now, but it does to most people I think, until they reach the point where it's no longer a major concern. So maybe that's what drives people to seek financial stability in another person? Just my rambling thoughts for the day.

 

That could definitely be a function of age and life experiences for most people.

I'm with you, though. I've always been "wise beyond my years". It comes from having 4 siblings a lot older than me and having to grow up with an addict for a brother. Seeing his struggles along with watching how my parents struggled with him really matured me very quickly.

I've never been hung up on looks or money. I've always been taught to see a person for who they are on the inside.

 

I cant for the life of me understand why some of you men seem to excusively run into women that only value money and good looks.
This isnt a good preresentation of the average woman - you fool yourself if you think so and you have to figure out a way to access other women - perhaps you have superficial ideas and approach the wrong women?? Im not saying, just asking - what do YOU do to compound the problem? What women do YOU approach? do YOU have standards that exluce the women you really should be looking for and not the smoking hot good looking women that might get everything they want and dont appreciat you for who you are and only want your money and good looks.

I dont try to be mean here, but there ARE other women out there, and they are not the minority..

Superficial women AND men are plenitful out there - but there are a gazillion women (and men) with decent values that will like you for the right reasons.

I dont give two shits about your money and although good looks works for the initial chat - if you can not make me laugh or stimulate my brain, I will not be able to connect with you- good looks or not... and I will not give you the time of day.
Contrary to that, if you do make me laugh and stimulate my brain, you will become beautiful in my eyes, regardless of your looks.

If you only find superficial women (or men) for gods sake evaluate your own behavior (I had to do that myself) and what type you approach and stop blaming the other sex for being superficial.... its simply not that simple.