Women speak up if you will?

Ok I wasnt sure where I wanted to ask my question at first but thought this was a good section.

I have often wondered why is it that a woman who lets say has had some bad relationships or sex with men seems very easy to go lesbian or dickless etc sayin "She is through with men all together cus men are all dogs and pigs ..blah blah........but if a lesbian lets say has had bad sex and relationships with a series of other women/lesbians does not easy cut off being a lesbian and go to men..sayin she through with lesbian or women? anyone have any thoughts on this. I have only met 2 women that former lesbian and one was more jus bi than lesbian but still both women jumped off the lesbian ship for men again. Now I am aware that there arent many if any lesbians here at this site but thoughts on topic from women would be helpful in my understanding this somewhat double standard.

 

lippy will never tire of men to the point of becoming a lesbian...there are planty of men out there so if first you don't succeed...try...try...again...i don't happen to think it is that hard to find a good man...i meet them every day...unfortunately for me i am a little indecisive:smt005

 

well i must say that i nor any of my girlfriends have ever sworn off dick because of bad sex or a bad relationship...we've just made sure that we found it somewhere else. in my opinion, if a woman turns to a woman after having bad sex or a bad relationship with a man then i would consider her bi or bi-curious. having very close friends who are lesbians i can say that being a lesbian(or gay for that matter) is not a choice, it was the way that they were born, it's not a lifestyle and its certainly not something they can "cure", and that is why lesbians don't go looking for a man if they have bad sex with a woman.

just my yens worth

 

AMEN!

I think women who swear off men have other internal issues. (ie: low self esteem, father issues or rape/molestation and like Tarshi said, they're bi or bi-curious)

Power to the dick!

 

No double standard. There is no pressure to be heterosexual. A kid who is heterosexual will not pretend to be homosexual to fit into society while a kid who is homosexual may very well pretend or try to be heterosexual.

And then there are the women who like to "play gay" in front of men to get their attention. Those are pretty much the only ones I dont care to be around.

 

There's another term for them at bars, they're called Bar-sexual.

 

:smt043:smt043

 

Yeah, if a lesbian gives up women to be with men, then I don't believe she was a true lesbian to begin with, she was in the very least bi-curious.

Just my opinion.

 

LOL!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Barsexual

 

In reading your thoughts it does offer some perspectives but if someone is born gay is a non conclusive argument which cant be proven. If you asked a young child 4 or 5 or even 7 would they know they are gay? There are people who formerly were living Gay and now are heterosexual so that debate is a non issue for me. That is not my point, I was jus curious as to why it seems the women who seem so quick to turn from straight to gay do so more of the emotional need rather than a discovery of being born gay.

 

Would they know if they were straight?

Not really, no.

No one has ever turned gay. Some people are bisexual, and these people can sometimes choose to date exclusively one gender or the other. They are born bisexual. In today's society, it is usually easier for a bisexual person to choose to only date the opposite gender. They may feel sexual attraction to members of their own gender, but as long as they avoid developing intimate feelings (beyond mere sexual attraction) for any particular person of their own gender, they can suppress that and focus on heterosexual pairings. If, however, something sours a bisexual person on the opposite gender, they can just as easily choose to exclusively date within their own gender.

They were never straight, and they were never gay. They didn't switch sides. They just chose to limit their playing field in one direction or the other.

 

I think it fairly accurate to say that most women act on emotional need, more so than men. Take the subject of cheating for example, when asked why they cheat, the majority of men state the reason as sex, while the majority of women state the reason as seeking an emotional connection. I can therefore extrapolate that line of thinking out and arrive at the conclusion that a woman who has a series of emotionally unfulfilling relationships would seek an emotional connection and could more likely find that with another woman. I don't believe she was born predisposed to homosexuality in that instance, rather she couldn't find what she needed in a heterosexual relationship and therefore sought other options. By definition she is gay, but that doesn't mean she was born that way. I do believe there are people who are simply born with a set sexual preference for the same sex, whereas someone who 'turns gay' mid-way through life may be bi-curious or just late finding out what works for them. I don't know how they do it though. No amount of bad experiences could lead me to give up on men.

 

^that^

(Yes, I pulled an LA)

I want to rep you for that, will have to spread it first.

 

Absolutely agree 100%! Very well said, wish I could give you rep for it.

 

Cosign the agreement!

 

Sexuality is far deeper than just "straight" or "gay", even more than just adding "bi" and calling it a day.

My mom has often commented over the years about how it would be easier to just "get a divorce and shack up with a woman". My mom isn't gay, nor is she bi, to my understanding. She fits society's definition of straight in that she has no real sexual attraction to women. I really don't think the thought has ever seriously crossed her mind, she just made the joke in reference to my crappy dad.

It's not a matter of "switching sides"...people just go with what feels comfortable to them. These phrases "turning gay", and "turning straight" are a bit silly, because it implies implicit control over one's sexuality...and most people have found that it's definitely more subconscious than that. We have control over what we do...but we never quite seem to grasp control over who we're attracted to.

For every woman who's ever said "all men are dogs" there's a man who's said "all women are bitches". Honestly I bet there are more of the latter, but that's beside the point and my own personal opinion. It's not a double standard...it's just talk.

By the way, women aren't more prone to being homosexual than men. Homosexuality has existed for centuries, and it's not been very long that it's been more accepted for women to do it than men. Previously men were encouraged to explore sex with other men, but women were prohibited from doing anything but being one man's wife.

Now? A large number of men -love- watching two women together, or the idea of it, or whatever. Lesbians are more easily accepted by society, possibly because of this. Homosexual men, however, are nowhere near as easily accepted and are far more hated in general. It makes it harder to be an "out and proud" gay man than his female counterpart.

And again, as others have stated, there are plenty of women who aren't even interested in other women, they just do it because men want them to.

Exploring the facets of sexuality is a science of it's own, which is why there are so many people who have PhDs in the field (human sexuality -is- a recognized branch of the social sciences). When it comes to human behaviour in general nothing is ever going to be as black and white as it may appear. Open your mind a bit and you'll see a lot more gray that you originally thought.

Answering your "why" question is impossible, though, because sexuality is a personal subject. The only people who can answer your questions are the women you're referring to. If it's not specific women that caused this question, then you've basically succeeding in generalizing, and generalizations are very often incorrect.

 

Persephone's post brings up an interesting concept about male homosexuality.

If a man goes around and claims that "all women are bitches" because he's had bad experiences, does he decide to start dating men? Chances are no...

Which would lead someone to believe that if a woman goes to women after having some bad experiences with men, then she's probably always had that inclination and would be considered bi-curious if not bisexual.

This is an interesting topic though.

 

In posing this question I am not trying to debate "the whether someone is born gay or not" that argument wont be solved here nor in the public square it is just opinion some people will have to agree to disagree on with respect. Whether you are Pro Gay or Against Gays is a violatile subject it seems and people should have a right to their own views. We live in such a subjective world that everyone want to validate their beliefs and impose them on others.

The point I am talking about is with adults who change sides just because they went through bad stretch of relationships. Its easy to say oh well they were born Gay well that is not definitive to this issue cus people have so many different reasons why they are Gay or not. Not just because they believe they were born that way. From reading some of the comments it seems there is this thought that a person who has been heterosexual than became bisexual or Gay was really that way all along but if a person who believes and lived being Gay cannot than go to being heterosexual. I know a person who was living as Gay and now are living heterosexual.

I know what I am saying is going to send this thread into meltdown in a moment, but in the spirit of this lets keep it civil. I do respect everyones opinion on this topic.

 

This is exactly why I said the only people who can answer your questions are the people in the situations themselves. I personally have never experienced what you are referring to, so I can't answer you.

Read what I wrote. It's not as simple as hetero vs homosexual. Sexuality cannot be placed in a box, no matter how many people want it to be.

 

Very correct, men can disappoint me as much as they want, never I had a sexual attraction to women..So you should have a bisexual tendency, if you really switch over..