Losing childhood

Today I saw a video and I reminded my self, when was the point of time for me I grew up, when I lost my childhood and felt that I have to take full responsibility for myself and others around me. Suddenly there was no backup security anymore.

It happened to me, when I was 27yrs old and I lost my father - the big rock in my life- and during his sickness I saw him the first time with different eyes. I could see that he was afraid and that he will lose his desperate fight. Our talks in the middle of the night and how it should go on after his passing away, gave me a totally new perspective for our existence. .

It was a shocking experience, but it helped me also to understand that I have to go my own way now..

I know it is a critical topic..but maybe some one else wants to share his own moment of "growing up" here..and I guess, if you have kids that you have a similar moment​

 

I've been cheated by life, that's all I got to say about that.

 

I know nothing about your life, or your circumstances - but I know that I would like to hug you now..

 

Even tho, I live for the pain, LoL... but I will take a hug over a slap on any given day.

 

Please allow me....
:smt056:smt056:smt056:smt054

 

Why thank you . I usually don't expect doctors to be that sympathetic.

 

When I grew up

I grew up the day I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and was told I had a minimal chance of survival. It brought me to a clarity about life I never knew was there. Now that I have another chance at life I'm sure of the fact that we carve our own destiny and nothing can be taken for grantide.

 

Only for you babe.


P.S. you made me laugh out loud with that one. :smt080

 

Sorry to hear that fam. Hope they caught it at early stage. If you don't mind me asking, what kind was it? Was it papillary, follicular, medullary or anaplastic? If you dont want to answer that is fine as well, I am just being a busy body.
Hope Christ destroys each and every cancer cell from your body.


By the way, I disagree that we completely carve our destiny.
Our destiny is made of:
1. Nature- which we have nothing to do with
2. Nurture/enviroment- we have some to do with this to certain extent
3. Luck- we have nothing to do with it
4. Coping mechanisms- which are learnt, but if you dont have the option and the opportuniy to learn it, then you ain't got it.

So, destiny is not really under our control.

 

Sorry GZ, but I have to respectfully disagree with you on this one. You do very much control your destiny. Attitude is everything and there isn't much a human being cannot achieve through sheer will alone. You just have to want it bad enough.

I do believe some personality traits are present at birth and they may give you a leg up in life, but from that point on it's largely up to you. How else do you explain the people who become productive members of society despite how they were raised? In my family for instance, there are 4 of us that share a common parent, i.e. myself and 3 siblings. 2 of us are productive members of society and all around good natured people, and the other 2 are complete fuck ups and all around pains in the ass. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I have never hesitated to bail their asses out anytime they call, but that doesn't make me blind or stupid. We were all raised the same, same environment, same educational opportunities, etc. I think we all just have different inherent qualities that drive us. Some will always make the best of any situation, and some will always curl up in the corner and whine and bemoan how unfair life is.

Now as for the original question posed. Christine, I have to thank you again for always coming up with threads that make me ponder before answering, I love the way your mind works!

For me it was 9 years old. My parents divorced and my mother decided having spent 16 years married that it was now her turn to indulge irresponsibility in the fullest. So I took over running the household, managing the finances, paying the bills, etc. My brother was 14 and seemingly would have been a better choice, but he's one of the afore mentioned fuck ups and so that just wasn't a viable option. Fortunately I was always good at organization, and it taught me a lot of responsibility at an early age that later served me well. I left home at 15 and the skills I had previously acquired taking care of everyone else were invaluable to me and allowed me to manage on my own far better than some people could have. A lot of people really criticized my mother for expecting and allowing me to run everything at an early age, they viewed it as robbing me of my childhood, but I've always viewed it as God preparing me for what was to come. There have been very few times in life that I've been caught off guard by anything, and that's largely due to being exposed to everything early on.

 

ESPY- I disagree with your statement "Attitude is everything and there isn't much a human being cannot achieve through sheer will alone. You just have to want it bad enough". That is not true at all.

-I have seen athletes work their ass off during season and off season to make a college or HS team and they don't cut it. Mean while, a lazy douche bag guy with genetic ability who was scratching his ass off in warm sunny Jamaican resort all summer long, will show up to gym the morning before try out and makes the squad.
- I have seen a number of dedicated students studying > 20 hrs/day for months and flank out and get their pink slip from grad school. Mean while Joe Schmo with gifted academic ability goes to the library the night b4 exams and ace those exams and sits pretty on the top 1 % of the class.
-I know folks who played college foot ball. They ate, talked, walked and shitted foot ball. They even slept with a foot ball, in hopes and dreams of becoming an NFLer, but at the end of their college career, that dream was crushed and they were out there looking for a desk job.

* Dont get me wrong, I am not knocking hard work down. I am just saying for you to be successful in whatever field, those combinations that I've listed in the previous post has to be met in one shape or form. Hard work can only take you so far, if you do not have the inherent genetic abilities you will struggle or in some cases fail.

 

Promised..

Really deeply sorry. I know what you mean with that"clarity"..It was for me as if my mind would open with so many possibilities (neg/pos) as I´ve never seen it before.

Destiny- I think you have a part of it in your own hands, the rest is luck.. Many people with the same talents go different ways. Some are very successful others aren´t, because they never had the chance to meet the right people at the right point of time. The character of people is different, too. What is maybe easy for you is maybe not easy for me.

The circumstances, we many times don´t know about other people have their influence also. Very strong people failed suddenly, because of a single issue they couldn´t handle. Manager, strong in their carreer can not get over the betrayal of their wife. Mothers don´t get over the lost of their child..

I think every person is strong and can be weak, the only question is when happens the case that kicks you out of life.

The other point is that some expect too much and will be dissappointed of the real life.

Thank you very much, Epsy!

A very good explanation for your strong personality- Congratulation!

 

Very well said Christine. I wanted to give you a rep but I couldn't. Just know the thought was there.

 

So true!!!! I have seen those examples myself and I completely agree UC1. (that felt weird to write UC1)

 

You can always call me GZ. LoL

 

I didn't really have a childhood, so I never had one of those moments. I've always been taking care of someone. Between two younger brothers and my mom, it's pretty much been me watching out for them since I can remember. The only person who ever really treated me like a kid was my grandpa, and he fell ill with dementia when I was like 5 or 6.

 

I just had to call my mom to find out what kind it was (not always the easiest conversation) but it was follicular thyroid cancer that I was diagnosed with. I'm very comfortable talking about since i got out of it pretty much unscathed. It defintely changes me though because before the surgery I was a complete prick. I use to treat women like shit so I'm pretty happy that it did happen because I might have nevered experienced love in my early 20s. I would have been too busy trying to stick my dick in everything instead of building meaningful connections.

As for the destiny thing I again have to agree with my WWBM wife Espy once again. I come from a family of immigrants who came from an impoverished area of a third world country. Which meant dirt floors and four in a bed living conditions. With that sad my grandmother a black foreigner was able to make herself a millionaire before dying at the age of 70. Like Espy said that was just pure will and despite her circumstances she found a way to turn things around. And as for the luck factor, luck comes from a matter of perspective. My grandma as I mentioned before was able to become a millionaire because she was hit by some lady driving a Mercedes and was able to take that money she got and turned it into three two family homes which she rented out and lived in. One might have seen being hit by a car that have her bad hip problems for the remainder of her life as bad luck or you could see it as good luck because she got the opportunity to invest in her children's futures which resulted into sending her kids to college when she had nothing more than a GED and they in turn were able to get good jobs and send their kids to private school and better colleges. Wow I'm getting a little misty eyed lol, but my point is we define the moments in our lives they don't define us. Luck and talent are myths hard work exists above all else- Ben Franklin

 

Good read. I am glad you put the thyroid problem behind you. I beleive follicular carcinoma is considered more malignant than papillary carcinoma but less aggressive than anaplastic (which is the worse of all). Also I believe in younger patients follicular carcinoma have a more than 97% cure rate if treated appropriately (I might be wrong but if memory serves well, I think that's what it is).

Getting back to destiny topic. While I applaud your gradma's effort and acheivement, but I still disagree with you and ESPY.
Your grandma was lucky enough to come to the states and make a fortune for her and for you guys (next gen). How about the unlucky ppl that still remain in some dirt poor parts of Jamaica? You think they wanted to stay there and not make a better life for themselves? They just did not get the opportunity or the luck that your gradma had to come to developed world.

 

age 7 my dad was sectioned in the middle of the night. Though I would say that it was the beggining of growing up. Im sorry about everyones bad experiences but hopefully you become stronger and no matter the amount of bullshit that is thrown at you your head can still be held high.

 

I'm not saying that people who are poor are poor because they don't want more or have enough ambition. I am saying opportunities are ever present it's just that some aren't as obvious as others. Again I hate to toot my own family horn but the opportunity my grandma took in the 70s was a huge risk. All that was known to her was that there was opportunity but in a country that was fiercely racist and that's something incredibly hard to phathom when you come from a place that's filled with people that look like you. So back then it was seen as a huge leap of faith as well as a lucrative opportunity. I'm not going to sit on my high horse and pretend things are easy and yes some people do have it easier than others but it doesn't mean that you can achieve what you it might just be harder for you. Like my dad always says life may not be equal but it's fair it's only people who don't allow to be so.