Do you believe in divorce?

These are very valid points. Men get bent over during divorces.

And there are some men who would most definitely make the better FT parent to their children, but they rarely get custody. It's a shame. Just because women have the babies, doesn't automatically make them the better choice for custody in a divorce.

 

That's an amazing story. It sounds like you definitely need to have those friends around you, if you find yourself in situations like that.

So scary. You are a strong woman for going through all of that! Kudos to you. I could never do what you do.

But you are right, sometimes you get together and marry and then realize you're better off not being married and it ends amicably. That's good that you can still rely on him in your times of need!

 

As a lawyer, I always make sure my clients in long term relationships know the common law marriage statutes. There are states that treat common law marriages the same as civil/religious marriages in terms of legalities, finances, taxes, ect. Make sure your brother is aware of the statutes where he lives if this is his fear.

http://www.expertlaw.com/library/family_law/common_law.html

 

I agree with you on this Bookie, but while this likely happens more to men, it also happens to women. The one with the most, has the most to lose.

And as for children, I'm not in favor of depriving a man of access to his children unless he poses a threat to them, however a contribution of sperm does not a father make.

As for the question posed, yes I believe people should have the option to divorce. That is not to say that I don't hold marriage vows to be sacred, because I do. I simply realize that you cannot judge another person's choices without living their circumstances, which is impossible. I would never expect anyone to remain married to someone who emotionally, verbally, or physically abused them. That's not love, and the person who treats you like that isn't keeping their vows either because 'To love' is the first vow you take.

It's a personal choice each person has to make on their own, based upon their beliefs and their unique circumstances. For me personally, I stayed married for 18 years to I man I didn't and couldn't love. Of course I loved him when we got married, but people change in ways you can't foresee or imagine. Despite that, I would not have divorced him and in fact had accepted it as my obligation to be married to him for the remainder of my life because I recall it also says 'for better or for worse' in those vows, and I don't break promises. 5% of my marriage was happy, 80% tolerable, 15% pure hell on a daily basis, just because the bulk of mine fell into the worse category, didn't give me license to leave. That's what I was raised to believe. Thankfully he didn't take any part of the vows as seriously as I did, which resulted in him leaving me. I imagine what I felt must be something close to what a woman serving a life sentence would feel when she finds out she's being paroled after 18 years. Although I would likely never have felt it right for me to leave, I also would never expect anyone else to stay in a marriage without love. If you don't love him, or he doesn't love you, and there's no way to ever reclaim that, move on. Life's too short to live any portion of it miserable.

 

I think this is the key... LOVE.

The two people have to generally love and be in love with each other before there is a possibility of eternal union. Many people think they love that significant other but the reality is that they married a very hot person that they have great lovemaking with that has some...i said SOME of the same values. The person compromises a lot on their own desires to make something work but eventually the people realize they are too different to make it happen.

People also think marriage should be easy...sometimes it is but usually there is conflict and most people don't understand that.

I agree with the other posters that it is difficult to predict the changes in a potential spouse in the future but I also believe that people don't take marriage seriously. Most people know wait until they've become set in their ways and then try to find someone to fit into their way of doing things.....

 

Marriage is a man made concept (and so is divorce). It's artificial, not a natural state.

So to force one person's belief about marriage on to everyone else is just ridiculous IMO. And that's not to say that marriage shouldn't be taken seriously. It's a legal contract, so yes of course it should. If you decide to go that way, take the damn thing seriously. It's not a game, but don't force it (or continue to force it) on yourself to the detriment of your own happiness or well being.

Marriage, IMO, is for love, not for life. If the love lasts a lifetime, so can the marriage (and that's fantastic, and what we all aim for), but if the love doesn't last (or something serious happens to change things) then get out. You only get one life, don't live it in misery, don't be the old man/woman in the nursing home with regrets.

 

Hell yeah, I believe in divorce. Lots of times, shit just can't work out, and love isn't there. No point in forcing it when one doesn't want to be in the marriage anymore. If my dad stayed married to my mom, he'd be in some shitty ass shit, right now. The whole "love prevails in the end" thing sounds like some PBS kids show shit. There are a variety of factors that lead to divorce. The love just goes, at times. They can still be trustworthy, and faithful to one another, but as far as love, it can still be absent at the same time. Those are empty marriages. And then think of all the abusive marriages. "Love conquers all" is easier said than done.

 

Out of the mouths of babes... (no offense intended BA)

Quite likely the best response possible right there, from a young man who has never been married, or divorced. Further proof that wisdom knows no age. :smt023

 

I agree...

We live in Cali, but I don't think his fear is financially, cause he was with his ex for 14 yrs and they owned a house together for several years. I think he likes to feel there's an escape route (no marriage) available to him.

 

I have that fear too. I was far too nice to my former husband when I left and I lost a lot in that divorce. If I get married again I am seriously considering a pre-nup and in fact have discussed it briefly with my SO already. He is all for it (thus far). But that of course would seriously dampen the festivities of marriage wouldn't it?

 

I think BA has time and time again shown that he is wise beouond his years and much wiser than many twice and thrice is age!

I bow down to Ajax!!!!

 

Everyone should have one Athena. I absolutely wouldn't marry without one for the same reasons as you.

 

Same here, if I get married, I would want to have a prenup... regardless if I am the one that has more money or the man.
Its just common sense to me. In the prenup you can have a discussion of what is fair.

One case that comes to mind is Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey - whatever his name is.

She and her dad pushed HARD to NOT get a prenup.... as he was the main bread winner when they got married.
Well, guess what - when they got divorced, she was the main bread winner... backfired there.

 

No

But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. (Matt 5:32)

 

:shock: :smt030

Yet another reason I'm so against religion.

 

It woudln't be that hard to follow if we were all brought up in a world were everybody tries to practice that.

 

Well, not everybody is into believing in something they can't see. And you forget all the other religions out there, and because there are so many conflicting views among all the religions, conflict arises. Also, it doesn't matter if everybody i the world practiced the same thing, because there will be those out there that will use religion for the wrong reason, or use it to discriminate. One example being people against homosexuality, saying shit like "god hates fags". Those people use religion to justify hatred, so it's not as simple.

 

Oh no, not hard at all.

So, if that were the way things were and no one ever got divorced, lets see...All the beaten women (and men) in the world would continue to be beaten for their entire miserable lives (or be killed by their bastard husbands), with no escape available to them. All the beaten and/or molested children would be stuck living in their family because their mother (or father) couldn't get them away from the abusive parent without giving them up to child services and never seeing them again.

AND if someone did decide to escape their horrible abusive, asshole partner they could never have the pleasure of falling in love and starting a new life with someone who really did love and care for them.

And why? Because of religion.

No thankyou. YES I believe in divorce, because no one deserves to live a shitty life and everyone deserves a fresh start and a chance at true happiness.

Personally, I think religion needs to stay the hell out of the law and the lives of everyone but those who actually want it.

 

What? You're against religion? :smt017

 

You surprised that she is? She ain't the only one on this site against it.