Diplomacy Tips for Jaybee & Personal Attacks continued

I'm creating this thread to prevent Jaybee and I from further muddying up a couple of other threads with our back and forth debate on the subject of personal attacks. My comments are directed at Jaybee, however anyone who so desires may jump in and add their own thoughts.

So, Jaybee, you recently mentioned a desire to employ more diplomacy and better etiquette in your posts, and you indicated that you felt you could benefit from some pointers. Since you asked, please allow me to point out that almost every post you've made in the last 48 hours is sadly lacking in either quality.

For example:

Congratulations, you have joined ranks with the same type of person who made negative comments to you. To complain about something said to you, and then resort to name calling yourself, is exceptionally childish and wildly immature. In my experience the younger members here have shown themselves to be extremely mature, and you could learn something from many of them.

First off, when have you ever let anything pass? I seriously believe you are likely incapable of that.

Secondly, believe me we are all too aware of your supposed pacifistic nature and disdain for all things military, though I must say that you are the most combative pacifist I've ever not met. However, belittling someone who was agreeing with you and supporting the position that racist comments aren't appropriate no matter the circumstances, is just incredibly ignorant on your part.

Okay this one is just plain rude. I'm an extremely patient person Jaybee, and it takes a lot to piss me off, but I gotta say you're pushing the limit. Personally I think someone needs to take you up on your desire for a fist fight. You clearly have a lot of pent up aggression that needs an outlet. Taking out your frustrations on everyone here, and then feeling slighted when they respond appropriately to your verbal attacks, is not the answer.

Now on a more personal note.

Tis true Jaybee, I'm a bit off this week. You know I actually tried to fill my car with diesel by mistake this morning? Just further evidence of a profound case of cranial rectal inversion on my part. However, slow or not I can still see past the massive amounts of BS you're shoveling.

I confess I hadn't read many of your posts that occurred prior to my joining, so I went through and did that over the past couple days. I must say the distaste people display for you is well-earned on your part. I neither condemn nor condone what you've said, as that's not my place. I think everyone on here are adults and they can respond to you as they see fit. However, I did note a couple of common occurrences which led me to formulate a couple of theories of my own. Since you are so fond of throwing yours around, and have invited me to do the same, here goes...

1. While you are extremely abrasive and abrupt with some people, you are decidely less so with others, even when disagreeing with them. Therefore it is apparent that you actually can be diplomatic and appropriate... when you want to be. I think that's the crux of the matter, you don't believe some people deserve that courtesy. You belittle people whom you deem to be intellectually, chronologically (in terms of years), socially, or economically beneath you. Whether you admit to that or not, in your mind you are better than some other people. You are more pleasant to the people you deem to be equal to you. Your replies to me for instance, though clearly in disagreement, are much more tactful. Perhaps no one has pointed out to you that no one is above or beneath anyone else Jaybee, there are merely people in different circumstances, and at different stages of their lives.

2. You really can't let anyone have the last word on anything, and your immediate response to any form of criticism, or expression of a viewpoint alternate to your own, is to lash out in anger. That ability to interact appropriately with other people is learned at a very young age. I think you flunked sand box Jaybee. There's always that kid that when confronted with something they don't like, instead of just realizing that everyone's entitled to their own opinion, they have to make an issue out of it. So they toss sand in your face, kick you in the balls, and take their toys and go home. The good news is that being that way is a choice. So if you don't like the reaction you get from others, examine your own actions or words and make a change.

3. You have many very strong opinions, which you expect everyone else to allow you to express freely. Yet you do not extend the same courtesy to them. You say that you are entitled to your opinion and that you feel everyone else is entitled to theirs, but your actions don't back that up. You say 'I don't care what anyone says to me', and then turn around and bitch and whine about the comments someone leaves you in rep, which indicates you clearly do care. I realize those comments were apparently racist, and that's uncalled for, but why do you let them upset you to the point that you in turn lash out at everyone else? The person who left the comments is no doubt thoroughly pleased with the chaos that has ensued.

Essentially Jaybee, you either need to take one of two approaches; you either say what you want and accept that others have every right to do the same in response; or if you want pleasant responses, you employ more tact and diplomacy in what you say. I personally don't have an issue with anything you say to me, or the manner in which you say it. What I do object to is what appears to be a cry-baby attitude on your part. It's like saying 'Mommy I hit that kid and he hit me back, it's not fair'. If you call someone a bimbo, or ignorant, or lazy, be a man and accept the consequences of your poor choice of words.

The measure of a person's character isn't found in how he treats his friends, it's in how he treats everyone else. If you truly believe yourself to be capable of objectivity Jaybee, then I would encourage you to read your own posts as if you were the recipient of the reply and not the author. Then ask yourself what do they say about your character?

P.S. I almost forgot... one of the perils of being slow minded... many people ask why you are on this particular site as you are neither a black man nor a white woman. I recall you saying several times that you were looking for a white women and indian men site, but it doesn't exist. So, perhaps you should remedy that? I checked and both whitewomenindianmen.com and indianmenwhitewomen.com are available domains. Register one, or both, start your own site for like minded men... I'll even throw in the site design for free.

 

I'm sure this all seemed like a good idea at the time, Espy, but I can tell you this; despite both our best efforts, the MINUTE third parties start tossing their tuppence into this thread, it'll turn very, very bloody.

Now, if you'll excuse me a moment, I'm just gonna go and sit in the corner and finish off my heart attack at being so thoroughly and publicly dissected. I'll come back after I've recuperated somewhat.

 

I encourage anyone with an opinion on the matter to state it plainly if they want to. If it gets too bloody for you, you can always log off and come back when you're up to it.

That was the purpose of moving this to it's own thread after all. It's poor form to derail and hijack other people's threads and you are guilty of that, as am I. So I say let's just get it out of our systems here.

 

Here's some more, despite the fact that I KNOW my opinion will NOT be well received. But considering that I don't give a fuck what anyone, especially Jaybee, thinks of me, I'll go on with my obviously intellectually inferior response...since Jaybee is the epitome of intelligence, grace, looks, status, and everything else, of course.

Jaybee, you are NOT black. Being darker than black men STILL does not make you black. There are plenty of people the same shade as me who are not white...they are black. If you can't understand that, then you obviously are not black. If you continue to call yourself black, I'll be there at every turn questioning YOUR black credentials.


I had absolutely no issue with you being on this site even though I knew you weren't, at first, because you were almost tolerable. Because of everything that Espy pointed out, and more, I find every issue with you even being here.

As I've said before...regardless of your apparent fetish for white women, if you can't act like the adult you say you are then leave. You don't own this site, nor do you contribute anything to it but disrespect and verbal vomit.

It's hilarious that I, at HALF your age, am far more capable of being a mature adult than you appear to be. Brotha Ajax, who is even younger than me, is more capable than you of being mature.

You are a child. As Espy so eloquently pointed out, you have no ability to leave anything be, EXCEPT in cases where you are so glaringly in the wrong. You have yet to explain to me how you can find the audacity to claim that President Barack Obama is not black enough to identify with black people, but YOU can call yourself black. I repeat. YOU ARE NOT BLACK. If you have some crazy interest in being black feel free to head over to Compton and live on Welfare for a year and see how long it takes you to end up crying like a bitch. Because, from your own statements, this is what is required for someone to really be black. You have neither rescinded the comment nor explained your blatant hypocrisy.

Get over yourself. If you can't handle people saying disgusting things to you, then don't say disgusting things to them. It's pretty damn simple, though the lovely lady before me has already pointed out quite a bit of your annoying flaws.

I, for one, would much rather you be removed from the site, because I find you completely abhorrent and pathetic. Your problem with me started because I admitted to being raped. What caliber of person do you really think that makes you? If you instantly judge someone because of a horrible experience they had no control over, and suddenly they are "disgusting" in your eyes because of it...do you really think that makes you the most amazing person in the world as you obviously view yourself? NO. That makes you sick. And the fact that you asked me for DETAILS...No, Jaybee, you are the disgusting one. I sincerely wish the post had never been deleted, because I'm pretty sure that a lot more people would be a lot less tolerant of you after seeing it, instead of only hearing about it.

And, for your information, you can stop calling me stupid. I'm fairly certain my IQ is far higher than yours, and my social abilities are definitely better. I also am more talented than you in many more ways, and I'm pretty sure my 100K private university education is going to make sure I never have to clean up after assholes like you ever again once I graduate.

In short, I'm going to get really crass and vulgar here, but I really don't care what anyone thinks of it. Let me put this in words you might actually understand.

You are a douchebag. The only people who actually like you, on here, and in real life I'd guess, are the people who's ass you lick like icecream. Everyone else? Fairly certain they'd call you just another egotistical asshole. If you had half the courage, strength, and wisdom that I possess you'd be a far happier person, but instead you're a sad, pathetic imbecile who turns into a whiny bitch at the first shudder of someone saying something rude to you, AFTER you bitch about how censorship is wrong. Oh yes, censorship is wrong, so long as it allows you to say what you want, but the moment someone says something you dislike you want them CENSORED.

Ironic.

So, please, go change your diaper, if your actions are any indication I'm sure it's full of shit, just like the rest of you.

Oh, and there's NO need for you to respond. I'd be more than happy if you'd actually ignore me, as you've "threatened" to do. I'm still waiting for it to actually happen, though. Ignoring me does not mean I'm going to stay quiet while you act like an ass, though. I'm not afraid of text on a screen, Jaybee. Your words can't hurt me, whether you'd like to think they do or not. I'll say whatever the fuck I want to say to you, let's see if you can actually be man enough to ignore me, or if you're just going to be a whiny pussy.

 

There are more that value it than don't DH. Though I too expect some sort of scathing reply to appear, I sincerely hope he surprises us both to the contrary.

 

I don't, frankly. I highly doubt any sort of words directed towards him is going to change his outlook on life or his treatment of others, whether online or off. If he's told the truth, he's nearly half a century old and still acts like a child. I'm pretty sure he's past the point of "saving".

Though I appreciate your comment. Personally, I don't care much for people who don't even give my opinion the respect they wish for their own, and their thoughts and opinions mean zilch to me after that. lol

 

Ah, therein lies my greatest fault, I cannot accept that anyone is a lost cause. Hopeless is a concept I just can't grasp. I realize it's a major flaw in my basic design, but I'm pretty sure I'm stuck with it.

I also don't think anyone would expect you to care for someone who has so blatantly verbally abused you. It is truly appalling, and I'm sorry you had to endure that, though I know his opinion is insignificant to you, it still is something that shouldn't have be voiced in that manner. You can politely disagree with someone, it doesn't have to rise to the level of hateful and rude.

 

In order to help someone's life become better they must want it to change, and recognize the need.

I don't think this is a case in which the person sees any need for change, so it equals a lost cause in my opinion.

Take a woman who has lived with an abusive man for a very long time. Friends and family try many times over the course of the relationship to get her to leave, but she never does. It isn't because the relationship isn't destructive, it's because she doesn't see that change is possible, or, in some cases, doesn't want change because the unknown is a more frightening possibility.

That's a sad analogy. To use one more suited to the situation...I personally know a man who has been a cruel, hateful person his entire life. Numerous people have tried to help him straighten up and treat people nicely, but to no avail. Even when he isn't binge drinking (which he does often) he seems to thrive off causing others pain. He doesn't see a need to change his perspective or ideas because his life is just fine, to him, and change is merely an inconvenience.

Trust me, I used to believe people could change. But then I grew up, and realized that while, as human beings, we all do have the capability to change, most of us just don't want to.

 

Ok, that sees to be the 'root of the matter, so I'll cut straight to it; I already say what I want, short of making racist comments, and I accept anyone else can say what he wants - short of making racist insults. I may strike many as a complicated fellow, but dealing with me really is quite simple: Say what you want, BUT...insult my (or any other) race, expect me well and truly in your face. This "crybaby" trait you've attributed to me is a misapprehension. I can think of a half-dozen forum members who would merit that particular observation, ie our very own DH.

A couple of questions for you, now;

1) The construction of that formidable, inciteful, insightful, and largely correct (although in places also wildly erroneous) analysis must have taken substantial time both in drafting and research; I have to assume that, as a (serious) working woman, with numerous demands on her schedule, you don't sacrifice that kind of time for just anyone. I find that extremely generous of you, and I thank you. But, why me? I'm flattered, genuinely, as well as appreciative, but equally puzzled.

2) What outcome(s) do you desire from this thread, both probable and hopeful? What objective(s), if any, would you like to achieve? You mentioned earlier that I'd asked for tips on etiquette/politeness in my posts. I should tell you know, actually, that you misunderstood; I wanted tips for the OFFLINE world; I know all about how we speak to elders etc in my own circles, I was merely curious as to how it happened in yours, as you are clearly a woman of excellent breeding.

 

Not particularly. As previously mentioned, I did go through some of your old posts, primarily because of comments that alluded to some of the things you've said that I was unfamiliar with. The reply was pretty much off the cuff. Since my work is almost completely done online, I average about 15 hours a day on my computer and I multi-task very well.

As for why you, your posts at times paint a picture of a very unhappy, bitter, misogynistic, hateful, and angry man. I don't think that's how you see yourself, and I suspect it's not really who you are. A lot of people simply do not express themselves tactfully. If that's intentional and you honestly don't care what you get in response, then go on and be happy with your tacky self. However, if you aspire to engage in dialog with other people, a certain amount of decorum is going to be necessary or people will simply refuse to deal with you.

I have no expectation of any particular outcome. You did ask for tips on etiquette, and you did not specify that you were referencing offline interactions. You also indicated that you felt you were unfairly looked upon due to a few posts that offended a few people (and yes I know I'm paraphrasing), but you must see where that comes from.

As for breeding Jaybee, that's not a concept I believe in. Basically I come from a redneck family, but I like to think I have manners and the ability to respect people no matter what they say.