TMZ Alleges Tiger Woods' Injuries Caused by Wife, Not Car Accident

I both agree and disagree.

Obviously, the fair/unfair balance strongly tips in men's favor. Obviously sexism still plays a huge part in our society.

But the same sexist mythology that supports the oppression of women has side effects that don't benefit men. And regardless of where the problems come from, it's still a problem when any grown person is unable to protect themselves.

I've had male friends who were battered. They will never call themselves this, but it's exactly the same as when women are beaten by their men. They blame themselves, they talk about how their woman is going to change, they hide their injuries. And when they tell their friends, it's all laughed off or seen as "normal" even if the story includes destruction of property and the use of weapons.

Men are taught never to raise a hand to a woman, even if she is attacking you. That makes them defenseless if a woman does choose to attack them.

Cheating is no excuse for violence. Too many women forget that alleged cheating was once the number one excuse for battering/killing your wife. There is no excuse, ever, for physically harming someone you are supposed to care about.

Just as in the past few decades, the issue of domestic violence against men had to framed to show that the wife you are beating is someone's daughter or kid sister or mom, we must remember that every husband is someone's son or brother or father. While it can be easy to come up with justifications for hitting one's husband, how many of those justifications make as much sense when it's another woman attacking your son?

The thing is, we started with an unequal system, and we are adjusting from there. So we compensate for imbalances with other imbalances. When women are treated like children by society & their own families & husbands, then bad behavior is excused just as you would for a child. Even if a 5-year-old burns down the house, you don't hold them accountable, because they're a 5-year-old.

But we've learned as a society that women aren't mentally or emotionally inferior to men. If as Women, we want to receive all the rights of Men, we must also take the same responsibilities. That means that if we don't want to be treated as unable to control our emotions, we must hold ourselves to the same emotional standard we hold them to. There was a time when a Man who walked in on his wife with another woman could kill them both and get away with it on "temporary insanity." That's no longer the case. Cheating is not an adequate excuse for Men to commit physical violence against their spouse, and it shouldn't be for Women either.

Women are predominately smaller than Men, but that's not a universal. Nor is it acceptable for small men to beat large women. Nor does size matter very much if one person is prevented from protecting themselves by social convention.

Believe me, I agree that it can be tiresome when some Men only notice gender inequality in the rare times when it doesn't favor them. But domestic abuse should always be condemned. Always. Even when the person committing that violence is a Woman. All of the inequality and oppression we still deal with does not justify beating someone you love. Nothing does.

 

Dear, I wasn't condoning violence. I was merely remarking on the fact that it was rather ironic that the comments were made, especially when they blatantly pointed out that if roles were reversed that women would be bitching, yet the moment (and I've seen it on the board before) a double standard involving men is brought up we're just a bunch of whiny women.

The actual subject matter of the comments wasn't something I really cared to delve into at length, because relationship violence is a personal subject with me, and I get tired of ignorant, rude, and hateful comments sent my direction about my personal, and painful, experiences that I have every right to share if I choose to. It got old a long time ago, and despite the fact that I'm sure we could have a great conversation (though, I promise you, we'd mostly be agreeing anyhow) without delving into my own personal experiencesq I can't fully explain my opinions on the subject.

To avoid an overly detailed explanation, though, I don't disagree that men can and have been battered, it wasn't my intention at all to insinuate that. I agree, violence has no place in a relationship, though I do believe it's sometimes understandable due to extreme emotional stress (in the heat of the moment it's easy to lose control, but it doesn't mean it's ok. I can simply understand how it can happen)...but abuse, which would insinuate repeated offenses, is not something I would ever endorse regardless of the gender of the victim.


Just to clarify, my "I'll care...." comment was concerning the actual complaints, again, not domestic violence.

 

Take your insecure ass back to Blackvoices witht that shit.

 

never saw her going "ghetto" on his Cablinasian ass!!!

 

No one call him by that name anymore. He has turned Black not Cablinasian.

 

Very good point

 

Is it worth it?

I for one am really glad this whole Tiger thing came out. I think it shines a light on what I consider to be the reality of a lot of relationships. I know he's an extreme case but what I'm waiting for someone to bring up is the fact that a lot of men crave variety. I know a lot of women see that as a weakness and that makes men pigs but does anyone ever wonder why most men cheat. I know women cheat too but it's usually in response to something we're doing or not doing. A lot of men cheat regardless of how amazing their woman is because for us matter of our hearts and matters of our dicks are two different things. Again I know that many might disagree but take a hard look of the number of marriages that end in infidelity, look at how many of you or people you know have cheated on good people. This isn't a matter of right and wrong but more a matter of natural instincts.
I know some would also argue the family structure, what about the kids?
I for one have never cheat because when I feel the need to be with other women I leave and I know that I can't do that forever but some times I find the idea of just being able to have sex with only one person a little suffocating. Why is it that romantic love seems to be the only selfish kind of love we experience. By selfish I mean we are suppose to forsake all desires and impulses for the happiness of another but no where else in our lives do we experience that. When you have siblings its not like you go to your parents and tell them they have to get rid of your brother/sister or not have anymore children to show their commitment and love to you. You don't tell friends not explore friendships with others because you fear it might mean they don't value your friendship as much.
I just find it interesting that one relationship that promotes our idealized conception of love requires so much more of us than other loving relationships.
It's the only form of love that results in a business like institution that keeps you binded to another person legally and if you leave there financial consequences (usually for men).
Why do we do this to ourselves?

 

Both men and women cheat and the percentages are very close. I recently saw statistics indicating 57% of men and 54% of women have cheated. Additionally 74% of men and 68% of women admit they would cheat if they thought they wouldn't get caught. Those numbers are fairly even, indicating it's not a gender based problem. Both men and women cheat, some for sex, some for variety, some to feel a connection they lack in their relationships, and some for no reason at all. Some people are just wired to fulfill their own needs and desires first, and think of everyone else second. Whatever the reason that drives them, it boils down to selfishness. You place yourself before your partner.

Is is unreasonable to expect a person to be faithful to one person only? No it's not. If that's not something you feel capable of, don't enter into a committed monogamous relationship. Be honest with yourself and the person you are with.

 

Isn't also selfish not to try to understand why your partner might want someone else other than just you? That's my biggest critque about marriage and monogamy, that you're expected to have the same wants and frame of mind about a decision you make in your twenties and keep that same frame of mind in your late thirties. It's very rigid and impractical. It's very ego based. I'm not saying you should never committ but maybe we should redifine commitment if this cheating thing happens so often. Monogamy is aparently not working

 

ugh, I think I have beaten you enuff in that other thread.. but hell no, you didnt say that! There is nothing to understand, what?, that you are not enough? Then you shouldnt be married.
Shieeettttt - put yourself in that situation - nobody wants to not be enough.
Its not selfish to expect someone to be faithful - are you kidding?

Cheating is not only about sex, its destroys trust and so much more.
If you feel a need to be with others, the right thing to do is to end the current relationship before venturing out.. that goes for both women and men.

Besides, you write this as everybody gets married in their 20;s, that is just not the case.. and if you did, and you later, in your 30s or 40s or whatever, no longer feel the connection and want to get with others, then, end the relationship. Marriage is not ego based, however cheating IS.

I acctually think its not the marriage institution that needs a rework, its the MTV generation and our inability to look beyond the instant gratification.
We seem to be less and less concerned about others and to become more and more egocentric and even narcisistic.

We are blessed with brains and need to check ourselves and how our actions impact others.. We werent this bad decades ago when it comes to cheating, granted its always been there, but I do believe that diciplin and integrity is something that we all should work more on.

And you are right, many that are married should probably not be and also, if you feel an open relationship is for you, then marry someone with a similar mindset.

 

1. I have to say that using stats from decades ago isn't very relevant in this discussion. Decades ago women didn't have the same options they have now and were forced to stay in loveless marriages. Just because people weren't divorcing as much as they are now doesn't mean that their values were better it probably means that they couldn't up and leave as freely as they do now.

2. I completely agree with you that cheating is deplorable and kills trust, but that helps to support my critique of monogamy. If people are cheating in such high numbers can't one infer that monogamy isn't working. I'm not saying I don't believe in love or companionship, I'm just saying maybe we need to redefine and readjust or definition of commitment because a lot of people's needs aren't being met apparently.

3. As far as your argument as to leaving after you no longer feel the connection I would agree if the divorce laws weren't so biased. More often than not the woman not only gets half (which can debatable) but she also gets alimony and even if a man wanted to leave in a lot of cases he can't because of the financial strain. Currently in New York the spouse who earns less (more often the woman) is entitled to 30 percent of the difference between them and their spouse. So if you and I were married and I made 100 grand and you made 50 grand I would owe you an annual payment of 15 grand a year for how ever long we were married. So if were married for 10 years I'd owe 150 grand. Does that sound fair just because I wasn't happy.

4. Lastly in regards to your statement of someone making you feel like you're not enough I don't agree with you. No one has the power to make you feel anything without your permission. You are in control of how you see yourself, all a person can do is enhance that if you allow it.
You seeing your own beauty is mandatory another person recognizing it is a blessing not a right.

 

Clearly monogamy is working for roughly 50% of men and women. Some of us get the concept of trust and faithfulness. If my partner indicated to me that he desires a monogamous relationship, I'm not selfish to expect that's going to be the case. If he can't admit he's incapable of that, he needs to grow the hell up and learn to speak his mind. I'll take honesty over a lie always, even if the truth isn't what I'd hoped to hear, I prefer it to a pretty lie. People need to just say what they mean, and mean what they say.

 

I totally agree with you that people need to be more honest, but I don't think wanting to be with other people means you can't be faithful and trustworthy its your inability to express that your partner that makes it so. As far as 50 percent of the population being ok with monogamy I think its a misnomer. All we know is 50 percent of people stay together we don't know why we just want to assume that its because they're happy but how many people you know or hear stay together for the kids or financial reasons. Doesn't mean they're happy. All we know is 50 percent were unhappy and did something about it.

 

We weren't talking about happiness, we were discussing monogamy. The two do not necessarily keep company.

 

You saying and I quote "Clearly monogamy is working for roughly 50% of men and women. Some of us get the concept of trust and faithfulness"
implies that those staying together are happy with their decision.

 

1.Mentioning how cheating has changed since decades ago was not meant to be a part of the discussion, its an observation that we have changed as people with the computer generation. Our values has changed radically, as I said, it was just an observation and I didnt use it as an argument as you should have seen.

2. I disagree, as I said before, I think its not commitments that need to be redefine, its our attitude towards it that needs an adjustment. Like I said in my other posts with increasing disregard for others and us becomming more self- centered and as pointed out by ESPY, this works for half of the marriages so why redefining it?
We will have to dissagree on this.

3. That one I agree with to a large extent. Although if women stay at home and have no retirement, that has to be taken into account, she stayed at home to raise your kids, thus, she needs to have some financial stability for her retirement which she losed out on by staying at home. I have seen some ugly cases though.. but I have also seen women taken to the cleaners as well.

4. I dont know how you interpreted that because you make no sense here at all. Its not about feeling anything. if you and I are married and you feel the need to sleep with others, then I am not enough for you, that is not a feeling that is a fact. If I was enough for you, you wouldnt feel the need to sleep with others.
I wouldnt feel less desirable or feel less in any way, as I know my self worth, because if you cheat, its on you. I would simply just get rid of you and get with someone that appreciates me.

In closing (stepping off the soapbox).

I dont judge people that feel monogamy is wrong, to each their own - Im just saying that you need to make sure you get with someone that agrees with that and not snow somebody.

I rather have the ugly truth than a lie any day much like ESPY.
Integrity is just no 1 on my list both for myself and people in my life.

 

I seriously like you. Good debate my friend

 

Right back atcha! I love a good debate with people not agreeing with me, its stimulating and educational.. It also challenges oneself to re-evaluate ones beliefs and how you can (if at all) defend them.
as long as people dont thow insults around...



Im looking forward to more!!!
:smt003

 

No need for insults we're two intelligent adults and trust me I can tell there will be more between me and you lol

 

LOL, and people think I'm naive.

I know some unhappily married, yet monogamous couples. Some people stay together out of a sense of obligation, which some resent. IMO happiness is always a choice. Speaking personally, I can choose to be happy regardless of the circumstances of my life at any given time. If I see that something is how it is and that's not changeable, for whatever reason, I accept that. Moping about and cursing the universe is a pointless waste of time.