Taking his name

Not sure if this has been discussed on here previously or not.

I am hanging out with my housemate's friends (not my usual crowd) and my housemates boyfriend emphatically stated "I would not marry someone who wouldn't take my name". Eeek. (lucky her - what a catch )

So...
If you're a lady and you are/intend on getting married, have you, or would you take your husband's name? why?

If you're a man, would you want your wife to take your name, and what if she didn't want to? why?

For me - I don't care either way. I doubt I'd change it, just because I couldn't be bothered with the expense and paperwork. If my partner was clear about me taking his name, however, it would probably really irritate me.

 

Well, i change it when i got married(not that i choose too i had too ).

I will go back to my last name before i got married, thats what am trying to do this days also.

in greece been years now the women dont change their names now

also another thing i hate

most the the papers i do i put Ms on them and when i get a letter back or what ever they send it with Mrs..
not that i want to hide i am married even on this forum from day 1 i said i was married and if a conversation come up i say it but i dont want to walk with on my forhead saying hey look at me am married
i want to choose who i say it.

 

For sure, I would take his name.. It would make me proud.. My name isn´t any "label", so, I think we should be one-also with the name.

 

Yes, I would want my wife to take my last name. I'm definately not going to say it would be a deal breaker but I would question her REAL motive for not wanting to take it.

I would ask her this-- if she is proud to be my wife and if we are truely planning this forever then why would she want to break the long standing tradition of taking a man that loves hers last name.

The first impression I would get from a woman that is opposed to a harmless tradition is this -- that she has some underlying issue that makes her believe that taking her husbands last name means she is "submitting to a man" and/or I would wonder if she has trust issues: like feeling that taking on last name means you're giving yourself completely away. If either of these two are the case then she probably isn't marriage material for me , but the notion at face value only is not a deal breaker.

 

I took my ex-husbands name because of pressure I received from the immigration department during an interview. I was all for keeping my name until then, and never really felt happy having his. As soon as we separated I changed back to my maiden name which was a lot of hassle, but worth it.
If I was ever to find another man I would want to marry again I'm not sure if I would take his name or not...guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

 

Would you ever consider changing your name to hers? I have a friend who did this, but he's really the only one i've ever seen do it. If its a harmless tradition, would you be willing to put yourself in her position and do it?

 

If I was a woman would I take my husbands name? Of course, becasue first of all I wouldn't marry a guy if I didnt think I could TRUELY trust him and didn't want to give all of my love and commitment to him.

I wouldn't put my issues/struggles from a previous relationship and apply it to the new guy like "hey, the last guy screwed up so for that i'm not taking your name". ( Not saying that's how you are but I have seen women think like that before).

Also if it had been tradition for the Man to take the wifes name then of course I would do it, because like I said I wouldn't be getting married to someone I haven't truely examined and didn't think I could trust. So taking the name is no big deal to me. No offense to anyone who feels differently.

 

Firstly, I respect your opinion and your point of view, please understand this. Me personally, I just have never understood why it is so important that the woman gives up part of her identity when she marries...and believe me, it is giving up a part of us. It’s the name that we were given at birth by our parents. Taking on the name of the man I marry really shouldn’t come down to how much trust or love there is in the relationship or me proving my commitment to him, my actions and words should be enough. I was given this name at birth that people have known me by, I’ve forged a career in that name as well. My name is me, and I love it.

 

Many men in Germany say for what do women need us? They can have sex and children, whenever they want, they have bigger apartments or houses than we do, even my Porsche is no longer impressive, because she drives one by herself ..

I realized that I no longer have to show how emancipated, how independent I am. Because I carry it in me. I know who I am, what I can and if it needs to be, I can "strike" harder than many men.

Since several years I get to know men to whom I gladly trust and which are seriously angry with me, if they can not throw their "protective-coat" over me or if I don´t allow them to carry me from the car into the house, because it's raining and they do not want that my shoes get dirty.

And I must say, this is a nice feeling.

What I'm trying to say is, that men can make women happy only, if we trust and stand to them.

 

I definately understand and I am not trying to make you feel badly about your opinion. I agree, just because you don't want to take your husbands last name doesn't neccesarily mean you don't care about him or are commited to him. My point is this, if I were a women and I truely loved and trusted in my partner then I wouldn't mind taking his name if it truely meant something to him. I understand that not everyone is going to think about it like me and that is fine. That's my stance on it though.

I understand that completely and like I said in the first response I made in this thread, that it is not a deal breaker for me alone if the reason is genuinely she simply "likes her name a lot". If that is TRUELY the reason that the women doesn't want to take my last name and everything else in the relationship is great than it isn't a deal breaker: but if I get even the SLIGHTEST inkling that she doesn't want to take my name because of a trust issue, a past baggage/independance issue or a "submitting to men" issue or anything else like that then it's an automatic no go.

 

No I'd keep my name - just for convenience if nothing else.

 

I also took my former husband's last name under A LOT of pressure from him. I didn't feel it was necessary to take his name as I was no longer chattel and had the right to vote, etc and wasn't being passed from my father's possession to his.

But he was uber conservative/traditional and was extremely offended when I said I wouldn't change my name. Obviously I caved, but as soon as the divorce finished, I changed my name to a brand new one - made it up to suit who I am today and legally changed to that.

If I get married again, I don't think I would change my name again unless his was a really cool name like d'Artagnan.

 

Yeah...the "harmless tradition" stems from women being pretty much -owned- by their husbands back in the day. Ya know...putting a name on your property. Wives and slaves both used to receive surnames from their owners.

That being said, I took my ex husband's name. If I ever get married again, I'll take my new husband's name, if nothing else than to rid myself of my ex's name, since I never got around to changing it back to my maiden name. I personally don't find it a big deal, though I can easily see why someone else would. I kind of like the idea of sharing a name with a husband, and since I don't much like mine he better have a cool one.

 

Well I don't see the problem in taking your Husbands name, I took my Husbands Surname no big deal, didn't cost me anything to change over either, just popped into the bank they photo copied my marrigae cirtificate (sp?) sent my driving license off with a photo copy and that didn't cost anything either, credit card company did not need formal notification i told them over the phone all done and dusted our flat lease was in my maiden name, but then we rented a house after we were married so that was changed then.

I can't really see the problem, unless of course your livelihood perches on people being able to remember your name or something, oh and of course if your husbands name sucks arse, Ie Crape, Bucket and other cruddy Surnames.

 

ahahaha.. Francie Bucket.

 

If his name is realy cool and fancy, then I would change.
Other wise my last name is not fancy but pretty unique and u cannot make fun of it ( Kids in school love to do that).
I had a guy who had a funny name and he wanted me to take it.... we did not get married. Also names like Smith, Jones or Walker I would not take.

 

I have been married twice. I changed my name to my husbands' names twice. The reason? Not so much for "tradition" but moreso because I absolutely loathe my maiden name. It's an awful last name. It's not even one that's "fun" to hyphenate.

Anyway, I digress. I'm not officially divorced from hubby #2. I've been doing a lot of thinking about what I'm going to do with my name when the divorce happens. I've considered changing it altogether to my Great-Grandmother's maiden name. However, there's the logistics of my daughter and I having different last names and how much hassle that could end up being.

So, I may just keep this last name for now. If and when I ever get married again, and how the new hubby handles my daughter (if he wants to adopt her and all that kind of "handling") then I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I'm not in a professional enough career to have to worry about the hassle of name changes. However, I am on imdb.com under this current last name. So, maybe I should just keep it? LOL.

 

I'm very traditional, so I would definitely take my husband's last name. I want my children to have his last name. Otherwise, it would be confusing to have a sign under my mailbox that says, "The Blah's...and the Blah's"

 

My career is such that it isn't necessary for me to keep the same name to be identified. I have no problem taking my husband's last name if he wants.

I do have a friend who is a psychologist and keeping her last name was important to her livelihood. Having her former patients or colleagues find her is crucial. She has also written articles in her maiden name. Her husband was very secure with himself and their love. He had no problem with her keeping the name she had worked hard to builld her reputation in.

I would wonder going into the union if it's important to the woman to keep her name and the man is inflexible what does that say about how the marriage is going to be? Red flag. Is it going to be a partnership of repect and caring? When you have a truly healthy relationship people make sacrifices for each and put the other person ahead of themselves many times simply because they want to out of love.

 

lippy is going to with a "no" on this one...unless it is a really cool last name that i can't resist...i am not traditional at all in fact i did not marry my son's father (that would have been a disaster) my son has my last name not his dad's...he loves having the same last name as his grandpa (my dad)