In love with a racist?

Okay the women can take this hypothetical if you dont date white men, but here is the scenario; Say you were dating a whiteguy you found him very attractive and it got pretty serious rather engagement or just in love. And later in the relationship yo found out he was racist, like say he makes comments about blacks and other races on t.v. or when you go out, he decorated
his house with racist things. Will you stay with him or leave?

Second scenario; lets say he was willing to change if you would stay
with him and help him, but he doesnt and it drags on for a while. Will
you stay or leave him?

And the third scenario; Lets say you all have a child together and been together for a while, and that is when you saw his racist behavior become
noticeable OR he starts becoming racist. Will you stay with him for the child and out of love or would you leave?


Scenario for the guys
1st scenario; Lets say your seeing a really hot sista, that lets say favor
a beyonce or one of them video models. You all get serious and later in
the relationship you find out that she doesnt like the fact that black men
dates white women, and she is one of those types that say "ww is always
taking all the good black men." But she finds it okay when black women date white men. Will you stay or leave her?

2nd scenario; Lets say she wants to change, but you see signs that
she is not changing like lets say you have a biracial child or there is biracial child in your family and she refers to the child as a zebra child.
Will you stay and continue to help her change or leave her?

3rd scenario; Let say you two have a child together and it is years
into you all relationship and you found out that she doesnt like IR relationships between bm and ww late in the relationship. Will you stay with her for the child and out of love or leave her?

 

I find it interesting that you emphasise the physical "attractiveness/hotness" of either the male or the female as if that somehow changes the hypothetical situation/s.

Assholes come in any colour, shape or appearance. To assume that the physical facticity of a person somehow makes a morally justifiable decision more difficult is to subsequently imply that the decision maker lacks judiciousness, wisdom and strength of character.

 

I did not empahsise that, next time ask me if thats what you thought?
And I have seen situations where that does play a role, so I mentioned it as a ROLE!! I did not mention that anywhere else except for in the first scenarios. But regardless it does play a role.

It's a controversial subject, but however it is true, it is real life people do tend to forget about the person they love's ignorance no matter what it is. And I have seen situations when it is racial. If it's too much for you
to answer then dont. I know its controversial next time I will put up the warning in the front.

 

I don't think it's controversial. Given the numbers of people in the world, and the fact that racism still exists, it is probable that lots of people have been in these exact situations.

My answer is simple. As soon as someone displays a chronic and inflexible characteristic which I find reprehensible, I simultaneously cease to find them attractive. Hence, the choice to leave would be simple. Unlike many people, I have very limited desire to change or save anyone and don't intend to expend my energy trying. They are who they are, I am who I am - when that ceases to allow us to live in a functioning relationship, I leave. Afterall - I can only control my own actions.

 

In my private life, it wouldn´t happen, because half of my life has to do with Africa. Everybody I meet, knows within half an hour that I have contact with black people.. And I must say, I don´t like intolerant persons..

In business it depends, how much I need this "racist" and who is stronger, the racist or the african, because sometimes it´s very nice to observe, how the african treats the racist as a child..

I remember one situation, when we met an albanese person, we were around 5 white persons and one bm. The bm, partner of mine, said something to this albanese. This albanese told him to be quiet that he has nothing to say here. I told him to leave this office immediatly, without any other word from anybody else, we got all up and waited that he elopes. He was really shocked.

 

As a black male, that has actually happened to me on several occasions where a black women doesn't like to see a bm with a ww BUT finds it ok for a wm with a bw. Usually that HYPOCRITICAL attitude will soon display itself in other areas of the relationship. It is because of that attitude is why I wouldn't want anything to do with that person after a while.

Also, in a "business" setting, if she is around me long enough, she will notice most of the people I do business with are ww. I have found that "smart" ww don't have a lot of the political baggage that a lot of wm do. They don't come with a lot of hidden agendas, that backroom, under the table type of wheeling and dealing. With them mostly what you see is what you get. Not all of course but most.

 

I apologize in advance for the length; I find I am simply incapable of answering this in an abbreviated fashion.

Scenario One:

Leave. Racism is born of ignorance, symptomatic of intolerance & indifference, and perpetuated by an inability to be open minded. I don’t find any of those qualities attractive in anyone, and at the point I realized someone possessed said qualities I would end the relationship… swiftly and decisively.

Scenario Two:

Leave. People are capable of change, and depending upon the degree of change involved, it can take time. However, racism is something that can be overcome fairly immediately, and in fact I’m not sure it would work any other way. Truly it seems illogical to me that someone would ‘work on’ not despising another race? I don’t recall every seeing a 12 step program for racism… I don’t think it’s a process… you either are or you aren’t. I would think that upon being presented with an alternative viewpoint you either are willing to accept that your beliefs are completely without basis or merit, or you are not (it took me minutes to acknowledge, accept, and alter my viewpoint, but then my mother knew how to convey a message). I suspect it would be more likely that someone would merely seek to hide their racism to appease the other person. Why critically examine your beliefs and actually change them when you can just lie and cover them up?

Scenario Three:

At this point it becomes difficult, as you no longer have only yourself to consider. I married my former husband and had absolutely no idea that he came from a long line of racists. They aren’t the out in the open type who ooze hatred from every pore, they are worse in my opinion, they are closet racists who truly believe, and will argue effectively, that they aren’t. To them the KKK are racist, they don’t consider themselves on that level because they have no problem with black people in general, they merely don’t believe that white people should ‘mix’ with black people and that is not racist. It actually took me almost two years to pick up on it, they were very subtle. Despite the fact that I disagreed with them vehemently, wedding vows are promises in my opinion and I don’t break promises to anyone without an overwhelming degree of provocation. I explained to my husband that this was something we would never agree on, I did my best to explain to him why I disagreed with him, but it was clear there would be no changing his mind. My daughter was one at the time and my primary concern was that she not adopt their views, so from the point where she could understand, I made sure she was aware that skin color should never be a factor in any way. I reinforced this by making sure her toys, videos, and books were racially diverse. Once she was old enough to converse on a more intellectual level, around second grade, we discussed prejudice, intolerance, and hatred-based views in general and I explained that I didn’t agree with her father’s family on any of those subjects and why. I repeated this with my son once he reached an appropriate degree of maturity. To date, neither she nor my son have ever expressed a racist view, and both will openly challenge anyone who does. It has resulted in several intense discussions during family gatherings with their father’s family, and though those people will likely never see the error of their ways, they have no illusion that their behavior is accepted or condoned.

A wise person taught me that some people believe that it is possible to neither condemn, nor condone behavior with which they do not personally agree, they instead opt for neutrality… what they fail to understand is that far too often neutrality is synonymous with cowardice.

 

Reading this makes my eyes hurt. :smt095

 

Wow!, this is a tough subject but I believe it is a good discussion to
have on here. I wish more people would answer, but I dont force anybody
but thanks for participating along with the others who have.

I'll set mines up later on in the day, I have been busy.

 

i actually see alot of this, people who say they are open minded but when it comes to dating a BM or hanging out with groups of blacks or hispanic people all of a sudden they turn racist.

i would say 90% of the people are like that here in Philly with just a few people willing to cross the lines

 

Seriously?

 

These scenarios are easy for me --

I would NEVER be involved with one of those types of black women that go on about there "not being enough good black men" and "ww are stealing them". Racism aside, I can't stand to be around those types for more than two seconds. I don't care if she looks 3 times better than Beyonce.

Thats the problem with alot of guys: they are so eager to get some ass that they will tolerate any behavior. I like sex just as much as the next guy but I won't tolerate just any behavior out of a woman and won't be controlled with sex either.

That being said, racism is a MAJOR personality and belief flaw. Not liking the same kind of seafood is something you work through and compromise on: not a major belief flaw like racism.

When I was in HS I was involved with a black and white girl who both shared boderline racist views. I kicked them both to the curb pretty quick.

For the third scenario-- this would never happen to me because I am always looking for red flags in women. If it did happen, i'd leave and fight for custody of my kid. I have clear cut standards.

Thats the problem for some people and part of the reason alot of people end up in horrible relationships. They don't have clear cut standards and they go through life just following their emotions and/or thinking they can change people. Alot of people never change and the ones that do change that desire comes from deep inside of THEM, not from YOUR desire for them to change.

 

I don't date, befriend, interact, nor speak to racists. Every race has things that are messed up about their culture, so no one has room to talk.

The sooner people understand this, the better the world will be.

 

Amen to that!!!!

 

Well, what you just said could sound "racist" too. Why treat anyone indifferent because of what they believe?

By not talking to, or interacting with said "racist", aren't you encouraging them to stay that way? The world will become a better place beginning with dialogue.

I definitely wouldn't mind talking to a blonde haired, blue eyed, 5'8" slim, long legged "racist". Maybe she can be converted.

 

Personally I belive there are tre kind of racist people:

The ignorant one and the other one who has a rooted belive/ideology/hate against people of other color. And the group who got mistreated or had wery bad experiences with people of another race, they act more of fear. There may be other group tough.

About the first category, the ignorant, well im sure in the end they will change they view as soon they have enough contanct with other races. There is no shame in ignorance, we all are in some degree, but it's shamefull when people are cynic and simply refuse to educate themself.

The second group, are the one who actively fight other human beins just because it happens they are born with other features or skin color.

Where I live (denmark) I didnt encounter real racist people of the second type. Mostly I meet people of the first group or the third. The ignorant one and the fearfull one.
Bein Italian (from the south) I am a little darker than the average dane, and some people dont consider me white (tough I am) and some of them didnt even belive Italy was part of Europe (a important part) or they resort always on the same old stereotypes as mafia, pizza, bambino and mandolino. A bit annoying, buit it's something I can live with. Usually they end changing they'r mind after a while.

The third group are the one who are scared because they experienced criminal action from group of foreigners. I didnt found a particolar group who was against africans in general with the exception of somalians (because in the early nineteens lot somalian emigrants came to DK and many of them acted violently against the locals. The new generation of somalis they do the best they can to prove they are not like the first generation, but there are still lot of prejudge, especially from females) people here seem more concerned of the muslims. No matter where they come from.

In sintesis, I didnt find much racism around here. Hanging with other white people I didnt ever hear or saw people bein afraid or have negative attitude against black (exception somaians). When I hang out with some black, my female friend become a bit defensive and they pull me aside and ask me if they are somalians...when they find out they are not, all the negativity dissaper.

But I never met somebody who was against black's (or other races) just because they are different.

ciao

 

Granted that racist people comes in all shapea and color, I find that the best attitude. Kudos.

 

R - I got you

 

Question to you, how much time would you spend trying to "convert" this racist"??? Many racist people are ignorant, you are not going to convert them to anything no matter how much you talk.

 

The Answer...

Well, there is no prescribed amount of time, nor is it always vocal. Sometimes it's in your behavior too. If you treat a racist the same ignorant way that they may treat you, then who is really any less ignorant than who? It is a fact that you may not convert them, but at the same time, you have the opportunity to dispel whatever notions they may have previously had about you in their ignorance.

Ignorance is overcame by knowledge, but not with more ignorance, so if you display a better than expected disposition towards said "racist", then you have at least shown them the ignorance of their ways. Whether they receive it or not, is none of your concern.

In other words, kill em with kindness. Until it's physical!

Now, Question To You...

Do you think we as blacks do enough to dispel their "racist" notions about us? How did President Obama overcome enough "racism" to become President of this country? And if most all blacks followed the path of an Obama, do you think that would help to "convert" at least a few "racists"? Or is our overall urban behavior giving the "racists" more ammo to justify their "racism" against us.