White Mistresses

I noticed over the years a number of cases involving black men married to black women but who had white mistresses on the side. My oldest brother tell me that back in the 1960's and early 1970's prominent radical black leaders had white mistresses as well, especially those in the civil rights and black nationalist movements.. Is this a case of trying to look one way in the black community, but living out and getting ones taboo on the other side? We all know that white men have been having black mistresses for centuries. Just look at the many shades of color in the black community. Is it just the way it is to have something forbidden on the side. I know women play this game too. Anyone have historical information to add to this based on the history of interracial relations? I know in the South there are numerous untold stories.

 

You better be careful or you will end up like that football player.lol
Always good to stick with one woman. less argurments, less money spending and more time with a family.

 

Wise words.

 

Polyamory is perfectly fine in my book, as long as all parties involved have an agreement that works for them. To get married and have a whore on the side is a little different and unethical in my opinion.

Seeing a professional from time to time is again another situation all together and I see it as ok as long as your safe. Many women I know actually agree with me on that one, they just prefer not to know about it. A guy needing a little piece of strange on occasion is nothing new and will never change. Personally speaking, I'm not married and have no need to pay for sex, and really don't ever see myself doing it. I don't judge anyone that does though.

 

Funny, I know it in reverse. Married to ww, girl-friend is black..

(african experience)

 

True..

 

These situations are often more complicated than they may seem, so there are usually deeper explanations involved. I respect your opinion on this, but I would add that women who involve themselves with married men are not necessarily "whores". And your independent research on the pro thing is, well....., surprising in the the context of what is ethical or not. Not shooting you down at all; I just find it an interesting irony. I am also a bit older than some on here, so I am in a stage of life where the "outside activities" of parents, aunts, uncles and even grandparents of many folks are out of the closet, and you just might be surprised at what folks have done and which label they would wear using your definition. Folks are human, and the study of history reveals that many revered leaders had moments that others might condemn. Good people occasionally do things that are considered bad. What I do respect about those who may have WW on the side is that they do so out of a true preference and attraction and not because they simply want a trophy on display. IR relationships have evolved so richly and positively and I love seeing folks now who date whomever they like with no regard for the baggage that hampered those of my era.

 

You are right that women involved (girl-friends) with a married man aren´t automatically whores. But they also don´t deserve any respect. It´s a question of solidarity of the women´s world.

But that most women have not a big problem with professionals beside them, I agree totally.

 

so wait just a minute here...so it's okay to hire a prostitute...money involved...but women that get involved with married men are whores...what if i said that women that sleep with 2-3 men at the same time are whores...what is the man's role in all of this? people that live in glass houses should refrain from throwing stones...i think it is about damn time everyone opened there eyes...we are moving into a polyamorous society like it or not it is happening...we have touched on different versions of this topics as we pick it apart from every angle...i think it is very interesting how some flirt with dangerous topics and then become very strict on others...

i truly believe if you are walking around thinking that you have a perfect relationship and ignoring the signs you are in for trouble...topics like this need to be discussed between two people...quite frankly i don't understand why some people get married to begin with...why some people stay as long as they do...if you aren't happy then get out and live your life the way you want to without deceiving anyone...or sit down and tell your partner that i need more than just you and this is why...

ofcourse the above paragraph does not apply to loki:smt083

 

How is having a "whore" on the side and paying for a whore two different situations altogether?

The result is the same: the guy is stepping out of his marriage. Yet, one is unethical (the amateur "whore") to you, but one is not (the "professional" whore) to you.

WTF is wrong with your logic? It's all unethical unless you have a prior agreement of an open marriage. Your logic is faulty.

If a man can't keep his dick in his pants for anyone besides his wife that he married, then he shouldn't be married or he should have entered into a marriage with a woman who also wants an open marriage. If a guy feels the need to step out of his marriage it should only be in an open marriage, if it's not, then he shouldn't be married because his wife is clearly not meeting his needs in some form or another (it doesn't have to be sexual needs).

The same holds true for women.

 

so it's okay to hire a prostitute...money involved...

yes, in my opinion my husband/boyfriend wouldn´t have to hide, if he wants to hire a prostitute. A prostitute is a professional person, she would never start a story with any of her clients.

...but women that get involved with married men are whores

I corrected myself that these women are not whores, they just don´t deserve any respect. And this is also my opinion. A girl-friend beside wants the man. There are emotions involved, either from her or from him.

I separat very clearly between a prostitute and a whore. A prostitute is in Germany a legal occupation, it is a service. I don´t want to close my eyes before obvious things. Men have sometimes different wishes than women and sometimes it is just not possible to live it out with their own partner.
A whore is somebody, who uses her sexuality for making trouble and to demonstrate she can have every man, espcially her best girl-friends husband.

A woman should never be involved with a married man, womens solidarity.


what if i said that women that sleep with 2-3 men at the same time are whores

then I would say, ok, than I am a whore in your eyes, and? I have my affairs as I have. I am not / those are not in a fixed reationship. As long as all involved parties are happy with it and all know what´s going on.. what problem should there be about?

what is the man's role in all of this

For me an open communication.

 

i have to kind of laugh here because personally i find quite a bit of stupidity in a married man or woman that does the following:

finds interest in their best friend's husband or wife...any friend for that matter because that is just too close for comfort

finds interest in a next door neighbor or anyone on your block...i am single and would not date anyone on my block...too close for comfort

finds interest in someone at work...especially if they are having an affair...they will most certainly be caught

perhaps i agree that if it is just about sex then they should hire a prostitute...but i think everyone here knows that many times it is about more than sex and that scenario involves some type of relationship...the married woman or man because i don't believe that only married men cheat is looking for something more...something is missing...

i think alot of married men and women that cheat are in complete denial about what is driving them to cheat and/or have an affair since it is rarely a one time occurance

for every married man that is cheating...there is also a fair amount of married women cheating as well...it's not always about finding a single person...married for married is the new hook-up because if they both have much to risk then their understanding doesn't waiver

 

Books my logic isn't as twisted as you make it seem. First off, to be very clear, my first statement was that Polyamory is a viable tactic of a relationship as long as it works for all parties. I think lippy was challenging that a person that sleeps with multiple people at the same time is a whore.

I don't throw words around cause i feel like it. In english, words have meaning. Todays lesson is the definition of whore.

Can be used as noun or verb, i.e. whored, whoring, whores.
I used a combination of definitions 2 and 3. As a verb, 2 could also be considered useful for a mistress as she in no doubt must be extracting some amount of cash in such a relationship:

whore (hôr, h?r)
n. 1.A prostitute.
2.A person considered sexually promiscuous.
3.A person considered as having compromised principles for personal gain.
intr.v. whored, whor·ing, whores
1.To associate or have sexual relations with prostitutes or a prostitute.
2.To accept payment in exchange for sexual relations.
3.To compromise one's principles for personal gain.

With that done, now i'll go to the final misunderstanding of my original post. Of course a prostitute is a whore. They are the reason this word even exists. That wasn't the point. However, when you engage in paying for sex for an hour or if your ballin and go for the whole day or weekend rental, that s cool, but there is no issue of feelings in such a relationship. You are cheating sexually, but not mentally, which is why this is weighed in a different way by the wives of the world.

If you have a "significant other" that you see on a weekly basis, there is a mental reason for that, and therefore you are cheating emotionally, which most women would consider the true infraction upon their relationship. That's the 100% cheat, and cannot be forgiven, particularly if your a member of certain religions. Prostitution is defined in religion as the worlds oldest profession. A woman that tries to steal another woman's husband is defined differently. Without going into religious jargon, I'll just let you decide: which is worse? I go with the latter.

Finally, a previous post by CarlosNevada stated:

I respect your opinion as well sir. However, please check the definitions above. Websters doesn't lie; yes they are.


Done

 

a person considered sexually promiscuous:smt102by whose standards...a very grey area if you will...everyone is going to have an opinion and i just bet you they will all be different...the beauty of being a human:smt115

 

Having sex outside marriage would hurt me, but having it with a prostitute would hurt worse. I would seriously loose respect for him. It would be like taking advantage of someone when they are down to me.

Being intimate with him after a know infidelity would be very difficult, but if it were with a prostitute it would be close to impossible. Not sure I could ever get past that.

 

I actually agree with much of what you are saying here Lippy, some folks just should not get/are not cut out for, married/marriage. I would also agree that if you are miserable in a marriage you and your partner should do everything you can to turn things around, and if every possible option has been exhausted and you both are still miserable, well then it is time to move on. However this takes commitment by both parties, and usually one or both has already mentally checked out of the relationship.

A good buddy from my college ball days went through this last year, his wife cheated on him and he just could not get past it (I certainly understand that) and he was miserable everyday, even though she apologized and wanted to work it out (counseling), he asked my advice and I said if you can't make peace with it and forgive, continuing to make yourself, her and their kids even more miserable is not good for anyone, as devastating as it will be to your family, make a new start.

And yes, Lippy, I understand just how fortunate I am....I also believe that fortune favors the prepared.

 

Cheating is cheating....don't kid yourself. If both parties aren't "allowed" to step out of the marriage for paid sex or otherwise, then it's cheating.

And what about the married men who pay "madams" on a weekly, monthly basis? That's "okay" because they're only sexually cheating on their wives....but they are still emotionally attached only to their wives?

Sorry, it's illogical. Cheating is cheating, unless an agreement beforehand was ironed out between the married couple.

It sounds like you're trying to find justification for why you could sexually leave a marriage....it doesn't fly with me.

 

I can understand you very well, as much as I can understand all the other opinions.

I wasn´t thinking very much different when I was younger. But one time my ex husband and I hired a prostitute together and the imagination of this was much more vulnerable than the experience itself. It is a very cold atmosphere and really nothing a wife has to fear about.

 

But for me it is not about fear he will want her over me. It is about morals. I married him because I thought we had the same values, which include not adding to the problems of any person, group of people or this world (which is very important to me).

Prostitution as a whole is harmful to women and children. I dont want to be with a man who would participate.

 

ok that´s another view..