Lightbulbs are my fav jokes..... Do you know how many Californians it takes to change a light bulb? 7. One to screw in the light bulb and six to relate to the experience. ................... Do you know how many Evangelicals it takes to change light bulb? 6. One to screw in a light bulb and and five to rebuke the spirit of darkness. ...................... Do you know how many psychiatrists it takes to change a light bulb? One, but the light bulb really has to want to change. ........................ Do you know how many women it takes to change a light bulb? None, they would rather sit in the dark and bitch about it. :smt043
I know, that has to be my all time fav joke. I cant even tell it without cracking myself up. Here is one for you mama [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One, but you have to pry him off the sheep first. A: Two - one to say "She'll be right mate" and one to fetch the beers. A: 16. One to change the bulb and 15 to say "Good on yer, mate!"[/FONT]
I have 2. I heard them in primary school & they have remained with me til this day...and i might add they are the only jokes i can remember. 1. Q. What's green & smells like pork? A. Kermits finger 2. Q. What's green & looks like a bucket? A. A green bucket absolutely pathetic, i know, but that's all i have...!!!
1) Q-Why does blond women have bruises around their navel?? A- Because there are blond men too.. 2) You mama is so nasty, she keeps ice in her crotch to keep the crabs fresh 3) Q- do you know what happend to the Norwegian homewife when she ironed the curtains. A- She fell out of the window.......
One of my friends once asked me if I'd ever been (a)broad? I told him "No, I have been a male all of my life" I really do not like domestic abuse, but I would like to know one thing. Why aren't battered wives deep-fried" ?
Guy: Why are you wearing a bra? You don't have nothing to put inside of it... Girl: Well, you wear drawers, don't you?
A prostitute is working on her corner when she is approached by a hispanic man. He smiles and takes off his hat as he addresses the woman. "How much for an hour?" asks the hispanic gentleman. "50 bucks", replies the hooker. "...how much for Messican style?" asks the man, an eyebrow rising inquisitively. The prostitute, having never heard of such a thing, is concerned about the implications of agreeing to such an act. It could be tame, yet could also be the most vile, repugnant, and perverted sexual act ever devised. Wary, she shakes her head. "Sorry, I don't do Messican style." The man persists: "I wil give you 100 dollars for Messican style" The prostitute shakes her head again. "200 dollars for Messican style?" Again, the prostitute rebukes him. "300 dollars for Messican style? I can't go any more than that!" 300 dollars? The prostitute considers the idea a little longer this time, as that is a vast increase in her usual hourly earnings. She thinks about all of the strange, and sometimes quite uncomfortable, things she has done for money in the past, and finally she nods. The hispanic man, elated, heads with her to a motel. An hour later, after working their way through various kama sutra positions, the prostitute lies on the bed smoking a cigarette, with the man lying beside her. "Holy crap! That was amazing!!!! But, I have a question. Where exactly does 'Messican' style come in during all of that?" The man grins. "It mean I pay you next tuesday when I get my check."
A lady & her baby get on a city bus, The bus driver goes "Damn Lady that's the ugliest baby I have ever seen make sure you sit all the way in the so you don't scare any of the passengers.' The lady is really upset and sits next to a nun in the back row, the nun seeing that she is all upset ask, "What wrong my child why are you so upset?" The lady goes "The bus driver just insulted me." The nun goes "I want you to walk up there this minute and give him a piece of your mind, I'll hold your ferret while you do it." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do having sex with a hooker and bungee jumping have in common? They cost about the same, the thrill last for about the same, & and if the rubber breaks your in a world of hurt. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a bar with a ostrich, & cat. The man goes I'll Jack & coke, and a beer". The cat goes "I'll have the same, but I'm not paying." After they finish the bartender goes "that'll be $14.39" The guy goes in his pocket and pulls out the exact amount. The next day the same man walks in with the ostrich & the cat and tells the bartender, "I'll have beer and 4 shots of tequila." The cat goes, "I'll have the same, but I'm not paying for it." They finish and the bartender goes that will be $19.78" the guy goes in his pocket and pulls out the exact amount. The very next day the guy along with the ostrich & cat go into the same bar. The guy goes "I'll have 4 longneck beers." The cat goes "I'll have the same and i'm not paying for it." They finish and the bartender goes that will be $11.77." The guy goes in his pocket and pulls out the exact amount. The bartender ask the guy, "How is it you always have the exact amount?" The guy finishes his beer and tells him, "Last week when I was walking on the beach I found a magic genie lamp, when I rubbed it the genie said he would give me two wishes, I said I thought it was three wishes? The genie goes I'm not that type of genie you only get two." The bartender goes "Amazing what was your first wish?" The guy goes "My first wish that I would would always have the exact amount in my pockets when I wanted to buy something." The bartender goes"Say that was a smart wish, that's better than having a million bucks. What was you second wish?" The guy looks a bit disgusted and says, "Well that's where the genie screwed me, for my second wish, I wished for a exotic thing with long legs and a tight pussy."
