Checking Someone Out

You need to see, we are talking about foreign persons, met on the Internet and about basically informations (name, adress, martial status).

When you plan to meet somebody you have to know the truth about him. Just to fly there would be extremely naive,because then you take the risk maybe to come back healthy... or maybe not. But I would also tell him that I checked him. Would he have a problem with it, ok, then it`s better we found out earlier that we`ll never fit together. So I didn`t waste time and money, because it shows me that he will never take care of me or our children. By the way, if I want to meet somebody, I would give all my details and would tell him, check me..People are so shy of asking, knowing- many crimes, fraud or bodily injuries would not happen, if they would check before.

People are talking about personal rights and privacy...Let`s see..I don`t know one girl-friend, who wasn`t raped once in her life..Two women of my family got to know men who used them just for money, they needed for their "first family", two robberies in my company and three robberies in my houses (from people I know personally). Yeah, it`s correct.. privacy is really very important..

If you have children, own or from family living in your house it is your damn responsibility to take care that these children are safe..(criminal past)

I told my nices and nephews since they are using internet, never to meet somebody, without telling me and if everything is fine, one member of the family goes with them to the appointment for the first time to look, if everything is fine. Would they act different, they`d get serious problems with me.



When you work somewhere I guess you have to give your personal details. In business life it`s ok, in privat life not?


And Bookworm, it`s absolutly correct to check someone, if he meets your daughter, but you have to see.. as much as I know you live alone with her, so you are the closest and first person in her life. That means you have to be very careful that nothing happens to you, too..

 

Very good points here! I definitely agree - part of taking care of our children is making sure that their mom is safe!

Actually, Christine - I wasn't talking about foreign situations...but I really don't think that matters. It's the same locally, and in person.

(BTW - Books people can make up cards with anything on them.)

No RR- I was talking about someone offering you information. Whether someone was being "sized up" or not really is of no matter. They offered you information. I wasn't talking about when someone is evasive and another person goes looking for information. I'm talking about someone clearly stating as you get to know them - I work here, live there, went to school there...specific details about their life.

I know I was one that was apt to think - he's told me all sorts of information and details....it must be true. Unfortunately, I've seen quite a few women get taken for some major rides from men doing this and them not thinking that they had any need to check and see if what they were being told was true.

I guess I would have to wonder if you would think the same if we were talking about your sister or daughter in the situation.

 

Anyway...

 

Yeah, I know that business cards are easily made. And about making sure the mother is safe is true, however, we could meet some innocuous person in like a grocery store, go out on a date with him and end up dead. It's first and foremost trusting your gut.

I guess it's more about the feeling I'd get from him. I've learned through my experiences that trusting my gut should be first and foremost what I do. If someone gives me even a little bit of a creepy vibe, then I won't entertain the idea of meeting with him, or seeing him again.

But hey, one of our so-called friends could end up being a creep (male or female). We should all trust our guts when it comes to vibes given off by anyone we let into our lives.

That being said, even though I haven't done it yet, since I haven't gotten serious with anyone since the end of my marriage, I absolutely will do a criminal background check on any guy I get serious with and a "let's make sure he's not a registered sex offender" check on him.

But what about the guys on this site? Do they do any kind of information check on the women they talk to, date, whatever?

Are women the only ones who do this? I believe it should be a two way street.

 

I agree with you books! It's very true that anything could happen at any time. And more often than not, issues are with people that are "known", not strangers.

I've had male friends end up with some major horror stories....women stalking, hacking their stuff, and all sorts of things.

The problem with any of this though is that the majority of nut jobs wouldn't have anything show up in a background check. Maybe they would be saying they work and live somewhere that they don't and that would be very easy to find out....no background check necessary.

I don't know that someone would give off a "creepy vibe" just because they are lying about where they work or such. I mean we could be talking more about a player than some sort of sex offender.

I would agree with you books in that it's most important to trust our instincts. Sometimes things aren't very clear on that though and it may simply be a matter of a question that comes up, not so much a weird feeling about someone. If that makes any sense.

 

Stalkers and hackers and people of that nature have psychotic personalities and show their psychotic or off-balance tendencies in other ways, and if you don't pay attention to all of those types of signs, then you're going to end up with some very bad experiences.

A real world example: a very good friend of mine started dating this girl. Very early on in their relationship, they were at a party and she stole a digital camera. I told him to drop her right then and there. He didn't. He "wanted to see the good in her". Well, fast forward a year, he's a complete neurotic mess who has been put through the wringer by this psycho, that everyone saw but him, and when they finally broke up, she stalked him relentlessly via text messages and phone calls for over a year.

He completely ignored those early signs. People will show their true colors very early in a relationship. But you have to pay attention to them.

And if a person is lying about where they work, then chances are they're lying about other things and eventually those lies will come to light. I just operate on the assumption that with things like that, I have to trust what they're telling me, until proven otherwise.

If you want to let someone into your life in that manner, you have to trust some of the stuff they say to you. Otherwise, what's the point of even meeting anyone?

 

+1..if you did a background check on me, and told me later on, i'd be out the door at 1 in the morning.

 

I googled my husband when we first started dating. I was curious and it didnt seem so unusually to me at the time. What I found hurt my own feelings.

Someone had blogged about him. This guy was talking about his scars and said one of the he got from a black man with a knife. He went on to say that my husband had operated on him in the early seventies and how before the operation, they asked him if he minded having a black doctor. It really affected me. It was delicate, possibly embarrassing information that wasnt shared with me. I didnt have the right to know it.

So just a word to the wise, you could be googling on a good guy and it could back fire on you.

 

im confused...why would that be embarassing? The part about having a black doctor?

 

I would certainly check. I am a lover of information. I wouldn't let them know though. It really depends on what information I find. If the person has been to jail. I am out of there. It is different than if she actually works at one place and the information says she worked another place

 

I myself wouldn't go to the lengths of paying for info, but I definitely would google / websearch him, any new guy. Partly because I am nosey, but mostly to ensure he is legit. And I would fully expect, and accept the reverse. I have nothing to hide, nor should he, so there shouldn't be any problem.

 

Very good points.Living far away from a person-eventually in a different country/state or continent-limits your possibilities to really get to know them.
Online you can only check particular facts about them I think like whether they have been married,have kids,drivers license data like age etc,whether they have ever had issues with the law.Trying to figure that type of data is totally okay when you don't have the chance to spend too much time with a person due to distance in location.
Just don't overdo it.

 

Well I'll tell you what....I simply googled someone.

Oh and btw - this was someone who claimed to be an "open book" and said I was "welcome to check out anything I wished".

I did ask him about what I found (I hadn't made any decisions, I simply asked) and he became upset that I was "checking up on" him.

I'm glad I did it! If anything, I wish I would have done so sooner.

NEXT

I'm sorry but I think that an honorable man is going to want to make sure that a woman he claims to want to be with feels comfortable and confident about who he is. I would think he would want to do whatever he could to make sure she felt safe.

 

Was the information that bad? You don't have to tell us what you found....

And as just a general statement:

Just wondering how we all got along before the internet? Is google replacing the art of asking the right questions?

I understand that we live in a world now where information can be obtained with a few clicks of a mouse, but however did people survive and get to know someone before the internet?

You're going to run into good people and bad people in your life, you have to learn how to distinguish the two and it involves listening to what they have to say and asking questions and getting them to open up to you and trusting your instincts about the person.

Nothing should replace the art of conversation and isn't that the better way to get to know someone anyway?

Just asking....

 

I guess it would depend on what you consider to be "that bad"

There was a recent arrest with a newspaper article complete with photo. (there were other things also)

I actually hadn't made any decisions about the information, I asked him and he didn't care to explain. He knew it existed. He felt that my "checking up on" him was more offensive...which is fine.

I think what you said is great ideally. However, there are those who are very skilled at painting the picture they want you to see. I have excellent instincts, that doesn't mean I can't be fooled. And in regards to questions...I asked the questions...guess what - some people lie. If someone is interested in hiding something you can have all sorts of conversations, that doesn't mean you are going to find out.

I've had a couple of really bad experiences in life and I guess that makes me quite a bit more cautious than you. I'm very up front about that though. As I said....He said he was an open book and I was welcome to do any check I wanted. I was really shocked to find what I did.

Sorry but if I'm going to seriously consider having a relationship with someone, I think we should both be making informed decisions about one another.

Anyone could have easily googled his name and said something to me without my knowing any of this - that would have been a nice treat.

 

Guess I know who I WON'T ever be dating round these parts.

*Prolly Getting "Googled" Now, Just For Showing Up In This Thread!*

Damn!

 

Have you got something to hide?

J/K

 

Yes, you do!

Tell us!

 

Nah, not at all! A ski mask, and gloves are standard attire for me.

Really!

 

:shock: