Checking Someone Out

So you meet someone....on the net or in person. They tell you some things about themselves. You either start seeing them, or you would at least like to.

Do you go check out the information online? If so, do you do it right away...or wait until you are see them for awhile?

Would you consider this "snooping"?

What if you aren't able to find the information, or the information is different than what you were told? What do you believe, and how would you deal with it?

 

Snoop. :smt023

 

When I meet somebody in Internet and I take it serious, for sure I would check out about him as much as possible, before meeting this person. It is nothing personal, but you have to be careful, too many mad people are running round in this world. Whatever you find out, is a secret, always it has to be..

When you meet somebody in person, it´s a little bit different, you can make your own picture of him, so I would first wait, but if I get suspicious, of course you have to make your steps..

 

i am going to disagree with kuntry and agree with christine

lippy believes and would highly suggest that if you are dating on line...meeting people on a forum...just randomly meeting people in coffee shops, grocery store or at the gym that you should always pay attention to what is said...what is revealed...what is vague...unanswered questions...and ALWAYS do your own research...especially if you feel any twinges of red flags...if a person is not willing to disclose a real name and/or correct information then they have something to hide...

it is easy to create a name, screen name and email address and not one of them has to be the real you...i have experienced this right here on this site...the only thing i think may be true is the picture that was presented...why this person would give so many details about themselves and then be stupid enough to make up a name is odd to me...

i also have first hand experience with a person that is now going to federal prison...my boyfriend had a completely different identity other than the one that i knew him to be...that person had myspace, facebook etc...he was living a double life...if someone is leading a double life they will eventually be found out...the internet should be used with caution...i would encourage all of you to google your own name and see what is there to know about you...

i really don't think you can be too careful these days...i would love to think that all people are good and that no one will ever encounter a person living a lie but in my experience that would be naive...it seems everyone has a story these days about a shady character and perhaps kuntry has been one of the lucky few to never be deceived and i hope it never happens to her...

lippy on the other hand is going to find out everything she needs to know and quite frankly if that isn't okay with someone that wants to get to know me then he can just keep moving..

 

Actually, that's what I was telling her to do. To snoop. I should've made that more clear. To elaborate further, I am on the list of the deceived.

 

sorry to hear that kuntry...you would be the last person i would think a man would deceive...i bet we can get sonny to kungfuck him up for you:smt077

 

Yep, I check out their information online. But before I can do that, I'd have to know an address (current or previous), or a phone number (current or previous) and you can do a Reverse search at Whitepages.com for free. First and last names don't really do anything for you unless they are extremely uncommon and even then, if you search with just a name, chances are you'd have to pay for it, but in some cases, it's only like $1.95 heh. But that's only to know an address and phone number (like say if he just gives you a cell phone number so you won't call him on his home phone incase his "other partner" answers - I've seen it on TV), and the accuracy of the information you find isn't guaranteed. If you want to do a background check it costs a lot more. Ooor, I know that for my state, there's an Indiana Offender Database that you can just type in their name or DOC# and it'll tell you anything that they've been to prison for even if they aren't locked up at the moment, then it'll just say "Discharged" or that they're on parole somewhere. Then there's also a site that's called Indianasmostwanted.com where you can see if they have any warrants and stuff. That's all free. I don't like to call it being snoopy. I prefer the term curiousity or searching for the purpose of self-perservation, if the person has been convicted of any drug or violent crimes. If you're doing a search to find out if they've been married or divorced, or god forbid are currently married! heh, then those types of ones cost money too.

 

I am fuckin SHOCKED by the above responses. WoW. If you seriously feel the need to do a background check on a person, what the fuck are you doing talking to him in the first place??? If it's just because it's what you "normally" do, you simply got some problems yourselves...


There is nothing wrong with answering questions "vaguely" or not fully disclosing everything asked of you by a date. This isn't the spanish inquisition, I'm not applying for a fuckin job, and maybe a person simply doesn't like everything to be on the table, at least right away. That in no way means unequivocally that there's something to hide. Maybe people just like their privacy for god sakes.

 

:smt043:smt043:smt043:smt043:smt043:smt043

we will put you in the never been deceived column...i can certainly admire a person that trusts anybody and everybody...that just doesn't happen to be me...i will tell you that i just recently started talking to someone new and after i told him my story he took out his wallet handed it to me and said feel free to check me out...he basically was saying that i am willing to tell you anything you want to know because i have nothing to hide...he also said that by doing so he felt pretty confident that he wouldn't be fighting a losing battle with my previous experience..

 

I wanted to say - I do think one has to be cautious about the information that they come across. Britty mentions the thing about someone only giving out a cell number. Many of us only have cell phones these days. I have no reason to have a land line and I have nothing to hide. I've also seen people get really upset about information they have found to later realize that they didn't have all the information. For example...when dealing with adoption scammers, people would run cell numbers to check location. They would sometimes come up with a different location for the number than where the woman claimed to be/live. However, many folks out there have cell numbers that would indicate a different location - maybe they moved and kept the number or such.

RR - I used to agree with what you said....if I even thought I would feel the need to check on someone I would remove myself from the situation. But I too have had a situation where someone was not at all as they appeared and he fooled many many people. My questions had to do with verifying information that they disclose, not going looking for information they didn't offer.

I don't expect someone to disclose anything and everything right off the bat. I have no problem with someone simply saying - I'm not comfortable answering that right now (I've never really had that happen...I'm very inquisitive but I also am respectful)

 

That's really interesting Lippy - I had almost the exact same thing happen! I jokingly said something and he handed me his wallet and told me I was welcome to do any check on him if I had any concerns at all. He said he had nothing to hide and said he felt I should be cautious. He was telling me to be more cautious/concerned and check more than I would have even thought to do.

 

Or the someone who has something to hide column... :smt031

 

I'm on the fence about this now. On one hand, I have never done a background check on any previous boyfriend/husband before, but then again, I wasn't a parent before either.

I always thought that now that I'm a single parent that, no matter what, I'd do a background check on any man that I was seeing exclusively and before I would let him meet my daughter.

But RRoyce does bring up an interesting point. If you feel the need to do a background check, should you be seeing the person? Food for thought.

Is it just that we have the internet and it makes it soooo easy to check on a person, so people think that should be the norm? Or is it really the times we live in where people deceive others a lot easier (mainly because of the internet)?

I guess it depends also on how/where you meet this person: long distance vs local. :smt102

 

I just have a fetish for knowing things and I'd rather be safe than sorry. Expect the unexpected. I've never actually had to do a background type of check because I've only had one partner for almost a decade, but I know how to do it if I want to.

 

See I think differently having children also. Not just about having them around my children...but in my home, because of my children.

But again - I wasn't talking about a background check. I was talking about verifying information they have told you. Does that make a difference?

 

Agreed. But unfortunately, not everything can be found online or is online, so trusting your gut should be the first thing you "verify".

Ah yes, you're right. You did mention that. LOL.

I think I would be more inclined to verify information if I met the person online either long distance (like this site) or a local dating site, since it's easier to be whoever you want online.

If I meet someone out and about during my every day travels, I'd expect like a business card or something along those lines, so verifying information seems less likely, but not totally out of the question.

But, again, if I get a bad feeling from the guy, should I bother going through the motions of verifying information? Chances are, no.

 

Agreed. I am supposed to be psychic after all.

That makes sense.

 

hmmmm.....



Just a man that ain't handin over his wallet, ever. :smt029

 

:smt042

 

And with that, I would need an example of a situation where you would need to "verify" information. Is this just information he gave you voluntarily or did you specifically ASK.

Basically, any time you ask a background question, particularily in a pattern in comparison of your own background (i.e. past education), it's very clear your just sizing the guy up, and most anyone doesn't like being put in that situation.

I do not have an issue with this personally, but it shouldn't be considered odd if I choose not to answer immediately where i went to college and what degree i recieved. If i'm feeling clever i'd just tell the lady i brought my dossier with me if that's what your looking for. Booky has a completely different situation entirely when children are involved.

If a person WANTS to tell you something or talk about something, then i'm pretty sure THEY'LL do it. If you can't help but feel the need to go fishing for shit like Britty:

You should be wary of what you might catch... :roll::roll::roll: