Dating or just kicking it?

Now here is something that might get your head scratching as it does mine. You get all dolled up in a hot sexy dress, go out with a man to a dimly lit restaurant, and engage in some animated conversation. Come the end of the evening, you hug each other affectionately and everyone goes their own direction. Is that a date?
What exactly qualifies as a date? I don’t know about you but I must admit that question really puzzles me. When do you know that a guy is really interested in you rather than ‘just kicking it’ as most of us put it? In this age and era, unless someone practically tries to shove his tongue down your throat at the end of a ‘date’ - or whatever it is you call it - it’s hard to tell.
Back in the day, when someone asked you out it meant they were interested in you and wanted to date you. Today, one has no idea what a guy really wants. I mean, you could be on a date and not know it; or think a guy is ho t for you only to realize he just wanted to chill out. Damn! My head is spinning.
Our parents had it soooo easy: Man wants woman, man makes intentions known, before she realizes what hit her, woman is married and filling the earth – no confusion. I know it sounds like a silly problem but come to think of it, you could be going out with a guy who thinks you are just hanging. Meanwhile, you are busy fantasizing what your name, coupled with his last name would sound like.
I myself was in such a situation twice.Not sure whether the 2 guys(well 1 at a time) it happened with were just taking things slow or actually just wanted to "kick it" with me. Turned out one was slow.The other just wanted to kick it and in that case I ended up a little disappointed.

Whatever happened to those good old days, when a guy would write you silly poems that don’t rhyme or ask you upfront that he would like to take you out on a date? Sounds like another lifetime doesn’t it? Well, it’s hard to believe these things used to happen in the 1990s. Asking someone on a date was as important as asking someone to marry you … people steered away from all confusion.
What happened to that man who dropped hints like kissing you on the lips till your leg pops just to make it clear that he likes you more than just a friend, or the one that asked “I’d like to take you out on a date”? Did he suddenly become an endangered species?
Instead of being told “Do you want to grab a drink?”, I would like to be asked straight up “Would you like to go out on a date?”. And if you just want to kick it, kindly make it clear from the beginning with both actions and words. Or give women a clear sign … anything to take away the guessing games that leave one wondering: Are we dating or not?
I miss the poetic old days … don’t you?

 

lipstick feels the need to point out that you and "thechosenone" would make an excellent pairing...very insightful miss germany:smt038

 

Thank you,Lipstick

 

I had multiple situations like that while I was single. Guys calling me up, asking me to come out, I put on something nice (but that wasn't a stretch, since I like dressing nice all the time) we go out, have dinner or drinks or whatever, and in the end? "We were just chillin', I thought you understood that." ...Sure, I totally would've, had you not been flirting with me, buying me dinner, and acting like you liked me.

But I guess I kinda preferred the "just kicking it" to "just wanna fuck" types. There's nothing wrong with just looking for some booty, but I made my intentions clear with everyone I went out with. I was looking for an actual relationship, not a fuck buddy. Not a friendship, or a dick.

I guess the ones who just wanted to get into my pants thought that was my way of saying I was playing hard to get? I don't know. We're all nuts, both genders. It's frustrating dealing with the opposite sex, regardless of which one you are. But damn do boys get stupid sometimes.

 

You are so right.There is nothing wrong with not wanting a serious commitment. To each their own.Plus there are situations in which even people who in general would like to have a meaningful relationship find something more casual more satisfying or workable than commitment.
Communication is the key as in many other situations in life.
Of course there are people here and there who play mind games,hard to get,etc. However not everybody plays games.Therefore go by their word until proven they indeed just play around.There's still people out there who actually mean what they say.

 

Oh of course there are people out there who actually speak the truth, it's just seeming to get more and more rare these days.

 

The original article:

http://www.afroromance.com/blog/are-we-dating-or-just-kicking-it.htm

 

I've never been able to experience the good old days, but I really wish I had been given the chance! I'm a sucker for all those really sweet, romantic guys that you always see on old movies or hear about. I would just love to meet a modern man that when asked to go out, actually meant a real date. Unfortunately, most of the men that I've met either think with their penises and taking me home to them, means that they're getting laid, OR like you said Be-you-tiful, seem interested, but actually only wanted coffee. Men are very confusing specimens, who's with me?!

 

Hehe that's true.But I just loved it when I saw it and was like ...wow I totally agree..

 

]

Did you watch this movie "Eve and the last gentleman"? I loved that one. Warmed my heart

 

No, never seen that one. But it's on my list now!

 

I gave you + rep because it is a good topic and I like the thread.
Just making a suggestion.

 

One has to remember there is less pressure from outside forces for men to get married.

Those with a strong connection to the Black Church might feel differently but for those largely disconnected form religion and buy-in fully to the Urban/Hip Hop life style where monogamy is a foreign term and a sign of a "whipped" man.

This changes your whole mindset surrounding dating. The phase "Kicking It" releases men from any pressure to commit to anything, including a courtship.

If your dating men under 30, this is going to be a problem if your looking for a traditional courtship/dating, they have "little" concept of it.

 

From a guy's perspective, the reason a lot of guy's are like this is because of the women. For example, there has been times I've went on a first date with a woman and if we didn't have sex, she'd go back and tell her friends I must be gay.

Romance is dead because many women don't appreciate it. If they had a choice between the romantic guy or the thug, MAJORITY of the women would pick the bad boy, the thug. Many women even look at a romantic guy as being a wimp.

 

Not a chance! I LOVE romantic guys. Would not date one who wasn't. I have never date a thug and I never will.

 

I don't.

I don't know how old you are, but a lot of what you say has to do with peoples' maturity levels and readiness to be in relationships.

I certainly hope romance isn't dead!

 

I assure you ladies romance is far FAR from dead....

 

prove it

 

Let me add a factor(s) Kimbo I'm positive is thinking but wouldn't say in public -

She is less likely to pick a thug if -

1) Her's babies are from a "Thug" - Borderline Criminal or Actual Criminal

She's been burned, unless you like PAIN (some people do, unknowingly)

2) Has children from a previous relationship ON TOP of being over 30

3) She is over 30, competition under 30 is more a problem than her being "Over The Hill"

This means you better give up finding "Thug Passion" you'll be 40 and disappointed pretty soon...

 

Romance is certainly not dead, and nice guys aren't wimps or gay. What drew me to my boyfriend, first and foremost (aside from how cute he was, of course) was how genuinely nice he was. He exhibited characteristics I'd not seen in many guys within the age brackets I'd been dating...things a lot of guys nowadays don't seem like they can be arsed to do for a lady. And no, I'm not talking sex. I'm talking just plain nice, gentlemanly actions.

-That- is what I wanted in a guy, what I've always wanted in a guy. The only reason I dated a "thug" (which he wasn't, really, just an asshole lol) is because he acted the same way at first. It wasn't until further down the road that his real nature shined through.

I get so tired of hearing "The majority of women like bad boys, and thugs, and convicts, etc".

No. The majority of GIRLS do. You know, chicks most guys don't even want anyway, because they're too immature to realize it's not a good idea to date guys like that?

Some GIRLS are stupid, but please, don't act like the vast majority of women like that stupid shit.

I will say an attitude like that toward women is an extreme turnoff. I've met plenty of "nice guy" types who bitch and moan about how all the women are going after thugs and delinquents when all they'd have to do is stop whining and actually go after a girl once in a while to get one. But they'd rather be lonely, lazy, and blame their own lack of confidence with women on "all the girls want bad boys, not me".

Nearly all of my single, "nice guy" friends are only single because they don't have the cahonies to ask out the girls they like, despite my subtle, and not so subtle hints for them to do so.

Others simply choose not to. I know this guy who is absolutely one of the sweetest people I've ever met, and he tells me girls hit on him constantly. Doesn't have a bad boy bone in his body, nor does he have any desire to focus on anything but his career right now, which is why he elects to stay single. Never been arrested, never knocked anyone up...he's probably never even held a gun in his life.

And no, he's not gay, either. He just has his shit together.

Oh, and those girls who think you're gay if you're nice? Again, girls, not women. Naive little girls who are just plain stupid.