Long distance relationships

I am glad you like our story!!

Yes you are so right... I felt as though I knew my man so well, more so than any of my previous boyfriends, even those of whom I lived with. I think too because you want to speak daily and after a few months of speaking on the phone every day, you run out of regular, surface topics to talk about and tend to delve deeper.

You know we didn't specifically discuss many things that we really should have - but I have been so lucky that he was a million times better than I even expected. He has no bad moods (well he doesn't take his work bad moods out on me, at all), he treats me like an absolute queen and has superseded every expectation I had of him. And my expectations were high! I can't say the same for me though, LOL, poor guy, I have been a bit (OK, a lot) emotional since I moved here, just such a big change for me. And thankfully he is supportive and understanding, and although he did not know or expect this emotional/crazy side of me (nor did I!) he responds by reassuring me and talking me through my little episodes. I am so so lucky.

Oh wow, 2 kids, shit..... do they live with him? Have you met them? I came to him because I had less ties, he has a house, business, dog, band, family etc, I had less so it was easier for me to come to him. I sometimes wish he came to me but I am glad we did it this way, even though it is hard at times as I feel completely dependent upon him (I can't work, have no car, friends, no life!!) I was very independent before. thankfully he is very good to me.

Yes I know that feeling so well, of wanting so bad for him (in my case, my ex, who is also from DC!) to just say - come and join me. My ex hinted A LOT at me coming to live with him, but that wasn't enough for me to give up everything. I wanted him to have the balls, or the love for me, to say it outright and mean it, cos god knows I wanted it so bad. So I waited, and waited, and then gradually our phone calls came less and less - to the point where we were talking once or twice a month!!! That said it all for me and I moved on. Months later I met my now husband, and of course, out of the blue comes a call from the ex, speaking to me as if all is still rosy and I am still waiting for him. I told him I had moved on, that I had waited for him too long and that I had obviously had more feelings for him than him me, well he was reallllly upset (that suprised me) and proceeded to tell me that he wanted me to live with him, that he loved me, blah blah. All the things I had waited so long for him to tell me, he told me on this day (too little, too late). Too busy, he had said, he did not realise so much time had passed between contact. So we agreed that we both should have been way more upfront with each other about our feelings and expectations, and parted ways. He was upset and tried his hardest, but like I told him, all of the things you are telling me are so nice, but it shouldn't take for me to move on for you to declare your love for me, that is just insincere. There is much more to that dragged out story with my ex, though we had some wonderful times, his lack of commitment was the reason we didn't work. I so hope that none of this is a reality for you. It sounds like you guys have something much stronger though:-o

So I think a huge part of the strength of our marriage is attributed to the way we started things - from a distance, without sex coming in to it, with honesty and openness. It is so hard (and exciting too, as you know!) and if you can get through that and make that work, everything else is pretty easy! I am in San Diego

 

Gosh, what a great story! This is fantastic!:smt038

 

Wow, these are true words of wisdom!

 

Thank you Nate :mrgreen:

 

Chosen One,

Can I clone you? So sweet, so wise....there HAVE to be more men like you!

 

Isnt it typical?? Many men seem to do this, once your gone, then they do the whole spiel.. or maybe women do to (but I would not know that).

Yeah, I think what my man and I have is very unique. I truly am over the moon about him and that is very rare for me... He does and say all the right things - of course there are sides that I am less fond off but that is to be expected
He was married for 12 years and have been divorced for 4. He has shared custody and they come first - and to tell you the truth - if that was not the case, then I would not date him.
I have not met them yet - I am not ready.
We have spoken about it - but as I was raised by a single mother, I all too well remember getting attached to someone that then did not stick around and that is not fair. to the kids. I want to make damn sure that we both are completely sure that we have a future before the kids get to meet me.

I am sure that it must have been emotional to move here for him, I mean I moved to a different country myself so I can relate - but I think its different when you move for somebody else. Your man really seem to understand that fact and it is awesome that he supports you when you need it - your family is far far away.
I love your story, I think it is a good story for people to know, that long distance CAN work and if you give it priority and realize its extra work (like you point out with your x), it will work out. It just takes commitment and perserverence... and maybe it is even a stronger relationship because there had to be extra work and commitment.. or at least I believe so.

I just live up the road from you and I work quite often in SD

 

Good choice re. the kids. Very responsible of you!
Thank you for your kind comments =)
Wow, what a small world! SD is nice huh.

Sorry I am few on words ATM, I had shots yesterday and am feeling a bit sick on and off today...!

 

Some Japanese scientists have already begun the process in an underground lab

 

They're alright.

 

I would not have agreed to a long distane thing had we not been dating a year first. It made sense for him to move, but we hate it. so now, he is transferring schools to Boston which is where I will be living and has contracting work lined up all summer and job hunting for the fall as well. It made sense for the mvoe as we wanted a new place free of the ex spouses, but we will still be far enough away in Boston.

Can't imgine a permenenat LDR or one where there was not a firm foundation established.

 

I absolutely love this thread! What a great idea Sneaky. There are some very cool stories here, and very encouraging for those of us who sometimes struggle with the whole long distance thing.

I too am in a long distance relationship, he has been either in training or out of the country for a year and a half. We had only dated a short time before he suddenly had a job change and had to go.

Our relationship started out more casual, but has grown a great deal over the last year and a half. We are both very much in love now and have told each other so. We do not yet know how it will all work out or if his job will bring him local to me soon or not. He is looking at being stateside in about a month, and then we will be able to have longer phone converstations and more often.

While he has been gone and our communication has been primerily email 2 or 3 time a week, and about one or two phone calls per month, I was able to learn how honest and trustworthy he really is, I have learned that he follows through and is not going to rush me, this has been very helpful to me to feel that I am safe in this relationship and it has helped me overcome a lot of fear.

I thought it was a bad thing in the begining, but it has proved the oposite for us. It may have been a blessing in disguise!!

 

Tinker bell- you're still alive, nice to see you back!

 

Thank you!!

 

Yes that point is very true

 

LDR's are hard to make work. I've never had one that went the way I wanted it to. Either one of us started dating other people or the trust issue was lost.

They're fun when they begin but if you're not seeing that person at least twice a month, it's just too hard IMO.

 

I whole heartedly agree with both of you..
justanotherbrothalover I sent you a Rep as I love your story....... ..

 

Oh thank you curley that is so sweet:smt050