Guy was abused as a child..

.. I am having a romantic dinner (as I think) with this black guy that is an enigma and some amazing magnet for me. I look into his eyes and try to keep up with the conversation while all I can think about is when he is going to kiss me, touch me... when we finally will be alone. And at that moment he says : 'I was abused when I was a child. I was 8 years old. It went on for about a year. It was somebody from the family.' I am in SHOCK!!!!!! I have been seeing him for just a few months and I am not sure where it is going (and if it IS going anywhere..) and now ...this!


The problem is: I don't know how to deal with it. There are SO many questions on my mind, but I am not sure I should ask them not to offend him. He looks and acts so macho so masculine that it is impossible to believe that somebody ever done anything that horrible to him.. when he was a 8-year-old innocent child! how could somebody do it to him? was it his FATHER? I ask him. He avoids the answer. I say its horrible and I say I am sorry... He says he used to hide it and now he is just being open about it as it lets him 'move on' and not to 'feel dirty'... I feel sorry for him.. but more sorry for the monster who did this to him... I ask him if he tracked 'him' down and killed him? I am being serious. He avoids my gaze and says no he did not... He says many people think he is a player (I used to too. and I am thinking to myself : 'is he trying to explain himself to me? why is he telling me this? is it too much to bear for me? or does it allow me to get to know his 'essence' better? does it change nothing? or does it change everything? should I ask more? should I avoid the subject? shall i tell him to see a psychologist as this is a matter for professional help? shall i go with him? or is it me needing to see a specialist the way I overreact and imagine him being a small cute innocent boy and being abused that way?...)


I feel like crying. I feel so proud: 'wow, he trusted me this story because he really wants to be with me.. he wouldn't have told me this if he really didn't want to be with me...' (I am telling myself..) We go home (his place) and have the best sex I ever had. I want to scream and cry. And I avoid the subject. I try to forget it ever happened to him. I try to tell myself he is strong and can deal with it and he (we) will be fine...


He wants to see me a few times a week, then once a week, then he disappears for 2 weeks, then 3... And every time he contacts me I run back. Every time I crave his company, I dream about him constantly, sex with him is like a drug and i am addicted... I even think I might be in love with him, but he is being distant and doesn't reply to my messages. I get angry, try to move on, I leave him alone, I wish him luck and he comes back to me... and we have Amazing Sex and then he disappears again... and then I am in pain again: shall I call him and tell him how I feel? or shall I let him come to me? is he a Player or Tortured Soul? is he an arrogant bastard or a lost man trying to find himself? Am I lost letting him to do this to me?

and what do you think???



Too many questions and no answers... I try sex with other men, doesn't help. I try 'connecting on mental level' to other men - it doesn't work....



to be continued....

 

Le sigh.


I predict...

A. You will continue to be a pathetic, oxytocin/endorphin-addicted, love-struck little girl, let yourself be used with until your heart is smashed into little pieces and you end up a bitter man-hater.:smt081


B. You'll grow some ovaries, wise up, let him go, and eventually forget him.:smt118



C. You'll grow some ovaries, confront him, take him to task, get him therapy, and everything'll workout.:smt103




Personally, I'm leaning towards A.:smt096

Okay. Okay. Maybe C. A little.

 

If you're not happy - move on. If you like the drama - then keep running back.
You can't save him - he has to do that himself.

 

ha ha I get your point! Gosh, times are really changing! Now we women have to grow some ovaries! Ok, may be I will do that. I really dont like senario A, you little Devil! :smt100

 

very wise words - of course he needs to save himslef.... and I dont like the drama.

 

Great analysis.

 

I don't really see how you actually need advice on this. Seems pretty simple to me.

 

If you insist on maintaining a relationship, it should be one where your feelings aren't so vulnerable. The best option would be to cut your losses and move forward, but for whatever reason you seem incapable of doing that.

 

moving on is exactly what I am doing - havent seen him for 3 weeks and just ignore his calls and messages...

I dont need advice.. I just wanted to share this and ask do you think he has 'issues' because of his abuse? Or he would 'overcome' them if he really wanted to be with me?

anyway, thanks for this reaction - I know now that I am doing the right thing moving on. But dont you think its horrible that happenned to him? I emna, what kind of persona would you (me) be if we lived through hell like this?

 

Do you have children White london chick?

I'm sure I will offend quite a few when i post this, but to hell with it!

If you do have children, I would be loathe to connect with a man that has been abused himself as a child, it's an unfortunate fact that the abused child can quite often become the abuser themselves later on in life.

Anyway I say dump him, try to forget or do your best to forget.

 

no, I dont have children.

yes, I know that often the 'abused' become 'the Abuser'. He just doesnt seem to be the type... he seems so calm and balanced.

I agree on Dump Him and Try to Forget! thats my Life Logo at the moment!

 

This may have nothing to do with anything, but when I was a teen I dated a guy who told me he had been abused as a child just before we were going to start kissing. He soon used that as a bargaining chip as to why I should give him my virginity. It didn't work (I'm a bitch). I later learned that he had used the same bargaining chip with other women, and would continue to, with greater success.

Some people are tormented by abuse and it leads them to become players.

Others make up stories of abuse so they can get away with being players.

I know one should never doubt someone who is sharing such a terrible and intimate thing, but you know some guys will lie about anything when they are players, and this may just be one more.

 

:smt104 This was the first thing that crossed my mind when WLC posted her story but I ignored it.

Gotta trust sy pider-mense!:smt112

 

Thats his obstacle.

Truth is: he wont have issues as long as he doesnt make it an issue.

 

If you'd paid attention, you would've understood that his revelation came after they'd already been intimate. And why is it your business when two people decide to begin a physical relationship?

Work on your reading comprehension dumbass.

 

yes, it crossed my mind after your posts here that can it be not true? yes, may be there are guys who would make it up, but how on earth it would persuade me to give my virginity to him if he was abused? I don't see any attractiveness in this - I think young girls would just run away... no?

anyway, I think what he said IS true - too serious it was for him. I teased him about being gay (as guys were looking at him) and he told me that. May be so I don't tease him again as its painful? this is the impression I got.

anyway, so its interesting that all the guys on here seem to be judging me for sleeping with him and getting back to him after he disappeared? that's interesting. why would it bother you? so you guys can do casual sex and we ladies can't? well, I thought i could, but turns out not, that's why I am moving on. He is inviting me to go on a holiday together, but I think I will leave him to it and to 'save himself' on his own as somebody said here. Its a pity as I def felt something special towards him (not sure if he did and not sure I want to find out).

 

thank you, Saty! :smt058

 

.' (I am telling myself..) We go home (his place) and have the best sex I ever had. I want to scream and cry. And I avoid the subject. I try to forget it ever happened to him. I try to tell myself he is strong and can deal with it and he (we) will be fine...

Reading this it tells me she slept with him after she found out he had been abused.

Regardless, still wanting to have sex with this person after that revelation means to me you have some issues. It is not my business but if you do not want your business to be public DO NOT POST ON A PUBLIC BOARD. OH AND SHUT THE HELL UP.