Corrupt a Wish

Granted. But you forgot your sunglasses and must spend the entire day outside and the squinting you're forced to do gives you a massive headache.

I wish I had a better car.

 

Granted. you will own a 2009 Mercedes, decked out and pimped out. But as soon as you park it somewhere, it would get stolen.

I wish I owned a Football team.

 

Granted but your Football team sucks so bad that no one will ever go to their games and they may as well just forfeit!

I wish I would be done with college with a degree.

 

Damn you SonnyShao! First you ruin George Clooney for me, and now this....:smt022

Granted. But, unfortunately, every one of your star players will be thrown in jail, leaving you with nothing but 3rd string hacks that make the Detroit Lions look like a great football team.

I wish I was married to Will Smith.

(I love this thread!)

 

Granted but Will Smith is never home and the only time you get to see him he's with other women on tv!

I wish their would be more open jobs around here.

 

I really don't wanna do this but forgive me

Granted. But the only job you could get is a mechanic's job, and yet you can't screw people on fixing their cars and making more money because everybody knows about cars.

I wish the Boston Red Sox (best baseball club in history) will win the 2009 World Series....

 

wished granted but it doesnt last long because the real BEST TEAM EVER THE YANKEES beat them everytime they play them and they also became the world team in the league for 5 yrs on.

I wish i could i meet Kuntrygirl she seems fun

 

granted you are on the next flight out to kentucky...unfortunately karma arrives at the exact same time and kuntry is forced to choose between the two of you...hunter goes back home on the first flight out

i wish someone would go do my grocery shopping for me tonight

 

Granted. A handsome young man will take your grocery list, and your money and head to the supermarket. Unfortunately you'll never hear from him again.

I wish I finally put this "e-beef" to an and and crush Archman.

 

Granted. Except, Archman can't be crushed that easily, and takes you down when you're least expecting it.

I wish I could sell a screenplay and win an Oscar.

 

Granted. You will write a screenplay and win an Oscar. The movie is a horror movie, and will change the face of horror films. Unfortunately, you will incur the wrath of the Pope and the Vatican. The Pope himself will put a hit out on you. Your body will be found a week later.

I wish I created my own sport.

 

Wish granted. It is played like ping pong only you blow a feather back n forth. Your new sport is invented when you unfortunately become a quadriplegic while performing your signature sex move.

I wish everyday was as beautiful a day the spring day we are having.

 

granted everyday is a beautiful spring day unfortunately we no longer see all four seasons...global warming excelerates at alarming rates and we are lucky if we make it to the end of the mayan calendar 12/21/2012

i wish my cats could talk...

 

Granted. But all your cats will constantly insult you. They'll tell yo how fat you are, and your place is a dump, your cooking sucks, and you can't keep a man.
You will have the cats put to sleep.

I wish I met GirlieGirl74

 

Granted. Except she really wants to meet Tony Soprano, so she just uses you for sex...wait....that's not right. Um...let me start again.

Granted. Except she really wants to meet Tony Soprano, so she initially agrees to the meeting and then changes her mind and tells you to screw off, which leaves you heartbroken. So you drown your sorrows in some cheap whiskey and have a 2 day hangover.

I wish I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain any weight.

 

Granted. You will not gain weight. But you will lose weight, just like in that horrible Stephen King movie Thinner. You will lose so much weight, you will disintegrate.

I wish I had a obedient pet tiger.

 

Granted. But your pet tiger has the most horrendous chronic case of gas that you cannot stand to be around him and in fact he is a fire hazzard. He will cause your home to burn down while hiding inside when the pilot light for your waterheater ignights his gasseous emmisions.

I wish my ex husband would leave me alone.

 

Granted. But now every other ex of yours (except your ex husband) stalks you.

I wish that all my student loans are paid off before I have to worry about them, oh and that I find my stud for my belly bar, it fell off yesterday.

 

Granted, loans are paid but you had to sell your soul to do it and your personality is suffering. You've found a stud for your belly bar but he's 350lbs and constantly complains that he can't get a decent drink at this bar.

I wish I was diving in the Caribbean today.

 

Granted, except you'll have to deal with a pesky, unexpected hurricane!

I wish that I had a live-in house keeper.