Snooping

Also, piggybacking on the jealousy thread, I'm curious to know if you've snooped on a current girlfriend/boyfriend/ex or had one use surveillance on you?

 

No, and not that I know of.

A) I don't like a bad breakup, so...usually we're still cool to chat at least.
B) I am not going to allow myself to be that sad or desperate to waste my time snooping on them. While I'm snooping, the man of my dreams might just go past. What does it achieve?

What about you Mr Saty??

 

No. I am in contact with most of my exes; not frequent, but enough to know that they're doing well. Letting go presupposes a brief period of no contact and careful introspection though, in addition to becoming social in the near future.

I also think that the advent of Web 2.0 and growth of social networking sites (MySpace, facebook) makes cyberstalking attractive to people, because they get to keep tabs on former lovers without the psychological or criminal implications of real world stalking.

 

I e-snoop on him...not often though
I saw the Crackerjack engagement ring he got her...I can't believe it fit her hoof!

But I do not have any contact with him because I told him he is a piece of sh*t and he can f*ck off...

Gotta watch my language!

 

Yes I've super-sleuthed when I was with my ex husband and my spidey senses were telling me he was having an affair. I found some stuff and confronted him.

I don't feel bad AT ALL for doing it either.

 

I e-snooped on my current husband and hurt my own feelings. I was googling him and found someone mentioned him in their blog. It was a patient from years ago. The man titled the blog something about him meeting a black man with a knife trying to be funny (but coming off racists as hell). He went on to say that before they assigned him a doc they asked if he minded a black man doing surgery on him.

I never told my husband but that weighed on my mind for a long time. It hurt to know someone was saying that kinda stuff about him online and made me realize some of what he must have gone thru.

My husband is one of the most decent men I have ever known. I have watched him and even when someone deserves to be critiziced, he wont. He didnt deserve to be the butt of that mans joke.

So, no more e-snooping for me.

 

The next logical question is, "Stuff like what?"

 

Pictures, notes, you know nightmarish stuff for a wife to find.

 

My ex husband would keeps tabs on me in every way possible. I'm sure if I had actually been allowed to go out by myself he'd have had me followed at some point, but he wouldn't usually let me go anywhere alone.. He'd go into my IM programs while I was asleep and set them to auto save all my conversations, so he could then go through them to see what I was saying and who I was saying it to. He'd also not let me speak on the phone to anyone unless he was within earshot of the conversation. Once I'd been on the phone with a friend when he got home from work and he went nuts on me because I'd been using the phone while he was gone.

He was crazy, and I don't mean that lightly.

 

Wow DH, that's seriously over the top. Good that you got out of that relationship.

 

Was he like this before you married him, or did he change over the years? He does sound like a nutjob if you don't mind me saying.

 

That's not even half of it. It was a baaaad relationship.

 

Yeah ive snooped a few times when my suspicions were aroused, i don't feel guilty about it, the few times i did it i found something that ended the relationships sooo, but no to snooping on someone when ive finished with them.
Simply does not appeal to me, no benefit to it whatsoever, i'd maybe snoop if i had suspicions my EX was a millionaire, i'd of course snoop to seek out my cut.

 

Oh I dont mind at all. I know he's a fucking whack job. And no, when we were dating he was nothing like that. He had a little jealousy and insecurity, but it was nothing major. It wasn't until right after we got married that he started being extra retarded, and by then I had my mom in my ear telling me I was stuck with him for life and I couldn't just get it annulled or get a divorce. Really, though, it just progressively got worse throughout the marriage. We were together 7 years, but only 4 of them were married, and by the second year of marriage I'd already left him twice, the last time ending with me living with my mom for 8 months after he went on a drunken suicidal rampage. I wanted to divorce him then but my mom wouldn't stop telling me I couldn't do that because I'd go to hell if I got a divorce *rme*

 

DH you are lucky to have gotten out alive. Usually people with that degree of jealousy are dangerous.

 

That's kinda scary. The thought that somebody could completely "flip out" and transform into a completely different person after you walk down the aisle. I guess once married, some people feel like they own you. If you don't mind me asking, how were you finally able to rid yourself of him?

 

Some people are really good at hiding themselves until much later. It's why I dont believe you ever truly know another person. Ever. People change too much, too often...it's hard enough to know oneself, let alone someone else.

I got rid of him after I'd lived with my mom for those 8 months, and he wouldn't stop calling or back off when I told him to leave me be, so I finally decided I'd let him have one more shot, since he swore he'd never do anything stupid like that ever again.

Basically what happened was he went into a jealous fit because I was talking to my friends online (because at the time online friends were the only ones he'd let me have) and he was drunk, so he started destroying shit in my house yet again, tried to destroy my computer, nearly broke my foot when he "accidentally" threw the keyboard at me, and then put a knife to his throat and said he was gonna kill himself if I left him. And it got worse than that afterwards. I tried to call the cops and his mother stole my phone, and then cut the phone line outside so I couldn't call again. So I grabbed my dog and walked a few miles in the snow until I found someone who would let me use their phone to call my mom. And then after i got to my mom's he showed up, stole my dog, and said if i ever wanted to see her again I'd have to come back to him.

I didn't even want to go back to him after those 8 months, honestly, but I had to because my dad and I got into a fist fight, and I was really left with no choice. So I got my own apartment and said he could live with me if he behaved. And he tried, but eventually his old habits came out again, and I'd finally had enough, so one night in the middle of a blizzard I told him to get the fuck out of my house. It took 3 hours of me screaming at him and my eventual threatening of calling the police to get him to leave. The only reason that worked is because he knew they'd actually make him leave since everything there was in my name, something I'd made sure to do before I ever moved back in with him. I wanted to make sure that if it went as bad as before that I'd be ok. It was my apartment through and through, I never allowed his name to be on anything there, and I'm extremely glad of that because it made it easier.

He didn't try to own me, he did own me for a couple years. It wasn't until the very end that I had any rights in the relationship at all, and that was only because he was so obsessed with me that he was willing to accept me gaining some semblance of independance to have me back. He kept trying to kill himself when I'd leave, which left me feeling guilty. Not to mention his mom would look at me and tell me if he died over me it was my fault, and a bunch of other stupid shit.

hah, serious, my book is going to be a damn interesting read some day, f'sho.

 

I got out when it became obvious that he was getting dangerous. He never punched me or anything, but things started conveniently hitting me when he'd throw tantrums and throw my things around. Though there were many things I should've paid attention to and left over long before any of that happened. But he had me so beat down emotionally I didn't really have the strength to do a damn thing.

 

wow DH, you're right. that book of yours will definitely be a must-read.:smt002 so what do you think about marriage? is it something that you'll never do again after this experience?

 

hah, and that's just like one little story in it. I gotta wait til I get on top before I can publish it, though, cause the story deserves a happy ending, I think. There's too much sad in it. It's like a modern fairy tale, without magick and fairy godmothers and happy endings. *L* So I gotta go get my happy ending before my autobiography will be profitable. Otherwise it's just my diary.

I don't know about marriage. I get extreme pressure from my mom to never get married again, as it's against her religion and to her little "cult" (read: hardcore baptists) I'm still technically married to my first husband, and if I remarry I'm sealing my fate in hell, which I've already sealed since I'm not only with someone else but I'm also pregnant with his child now...so frankly I don't see why she's so adamant I never marry again, since I'm already doomed according to her people, but ah well. Arguing religion with her is impossible.

But, in all truth, it would take a very special man to convince me to ever get married again. I'd have to trust him with every fibre of my being, and I don't see myself ever trusting another human being -that- much ever. So it's not likely to happen.