Hmm...my alcoholic friend doesn't think he needs an intervention. Need help with this

Don't know if I posted this i the right section or not, but whatthefuckever.



Aight, here's what's up. One of my friends drink hella. He's down to drink every night(I mean he's down to get mega fucked up every night). He drinks several times a week. Has no job, doesn't go to school. Me and my friends were talking about it, but never brought it up. But tonight he found out about the intervention thing we had planned because one of my friends told him about it. He thinks he doesn't need one. Then while I'm talking to him about it, some dude I don't know comes up and joins in asking "why does he need an intervention?" Then he's like "Does he take care of his responsibilities?" And I say "As far as what?" He says "As far as paying his insurance, car note, work etc." And my other friend says he doesn't do any of that, which is true. Random dude then asks "Do you drink?". I reply, "Rarely. Maybe once every few months". He then says "well you can't give him an intervention if you drink too". I'm thinking "what the fuck?" That makes no sense. If he is drinking excessively, then yeah, you can have an intervention for that person. That's like saying "you can't set up an intervention for somebody with anger problems because you have gotten angry at somebody before". I explain the fact that he's drink that's the problem. It's the excessiveness of his drinking. One of my friends, who drink a few times a month says that he can't participate in the intervention since he drinks, but he's not excessive with it, so I don't understand why he can't be a part of it. My alcoholic friend then understands less about the whole thing once random dude enters the conversation. Me and my friends all see how the alcohol has affected him physically too, so I don't know how the hell he doesn't think he has a problem. Side note: he also pops pills, and according to one of my friend's girlfriends, he does coke sometimes too, but I can't bring that up with him because I wasn't supposed to find out.


Basically, y'all got any ideas on how to make his ass listen to what I'm trying to explain? I couldn't really talk about it much tonight, because I had to get home. I see a shitty future for me and my friends.

 

OK 1: screw "weren't suppose to find out". Tell him she said it in her sleep, or you forced her or whatever..
2: Sit him down, do the intervention, and tell him that the road he's on will only lead to crap. I mean, it doesn't matter if you drink or not, the important part here is that he does it too much, he is an addict. And it's the addiction that is the problem, not the action of drinking, there is alcohol in milk for gods sake. If he does other drugs too, it's highly likely he'll end up getting hooked on other drugs too. Once you start changing the reward patterns in your brain by using drugs, you will have a problem with addiction for the rest of your life. Sit him down, talk to him, try to make him find help, and do your best.
You are really great friends to this guy trying to do this, and if he gets control again, he will be grateful for it..

 

Yeah, I just might have to sit him down myslef. I might be the only one who can do it. There are 5 of us in our group. Used to be 6, but he's not cool with one of them anymore(unfortunately, it was the one who thought of the intervention in the first place). One of my friends doesn't care too much. He cares more that he isn't doing shit with his life. Another friend drinks and pops pills almost as much as him. Another friend doesn't want to because he says he drinks too. And our other friend, who is closest to our alcoholic friend lives in Oakland, so they don't talk as much. I'm always the neutral one who doesn't take sides, so I guess I gotta be the one to do it. And it doesn't help that we hang with this one guys who wants us to drink all the time and pop pills. He basically tries to pressure us. He's cool, but still.

Thanks. I might have to be straight up when I see him tomorrow. Not gonna mention the coke thing though. He'd get pissed at me, our other friend(who is his best friend out of the whole group), and his girlfriend. And I don't want to fuck that up, and break up the group.

 

Huge cudos to you for stepping up to it, when nobody else does.

The guy who wants you to drink all the time and pop pills, probably has a problem too. Usually thats how you cover it up infront of yourself, if everybody else does it too, it's not abuse.
I've seen this, and had friends who drank way too much and always always offered you drinks and tried to pretend they just wanted the fun, while they just wanted to drink.. One of my best friends before was like that, I had to stop hangin out with her, she started doing ice and just became horrible to handle. It was too late for an intervention.

But one friend at the time, so tell the guy who always pressures you to drink and stuff to back off a little, for this guys sake. Is it possible for you guys, all the friends, to sit down and talk about it, and decide not to drink too much around this guy for a while?

I know it's horrible to know you might break up the friend circle, but these things changes the dynamics. If you don't do anything about it, it will crush the friendships anyway, but in a way uglier way.

I feel for you, I've been in the same situation, it's horrible.

 

hey Brotha, now I'm on lunch break, but I'll try and write something later. I've worked with ppl with drug/alcohol problems, maybe I can give you some suggestions too.

 

I don't think all of use sitting my friend down and talking to him will go down. They either don't think it's that bad, or don't think they should. The won't change their minds. I was talking to one of them and saying how we should drink less around him. Gradually decreasing the drinking. Maybe something like if he asks us if we want to drink, we would say "naw not tonight". Shit didn't really stick with my friends, and since I don't drink enough to where my friend would ask me if I'm down to drink, it's kinda useless. My friends won't stop drinking. It's too big of a part of their fun. Beer pong a lot of the time. He knows he has a problem, because when he and a friend got in an argument over something irrelevant to this, my friend called him out saying "that's why everybody thinks you have a drinking problem",to which he didn't respond to after that. And it's no surprise he's getting fucked up tonight at my friend's kickback.

Shit, I ain't drinking tonight.

 

Lookin' forward to what you gotta say TS.

 

ajax...don't be surprised if your friend starts to avoid you like the plague...people with addictions either hang with other people with "like" addictions or they move through friends quickly...you have already had someone spill the beans about the intervention so now you are back peddling trying to figure out what to do...to do an effective intervention it helps to get not only friends but also family involved as well as a professional from a facility that you hope the individual will agree to go to once they see there is no escaping the intervention...it's almost like peer pressure to get them to break and relinquish themselves to getting help...the person with the addiction must admit and want help for them to have an end result of success and even then it is a day to day choice not to drink or do drugs...good luck!

 

If i had any advice worth a damm I would use it for my sister. Right now you friend sounds like he is mentally addicted, just wait until he is physically addicted. Not a pretty sight.

 

The thought of getting his family never crossed my mind. I mean I've talked to his little brother about it, but that's all. His parents know he drinks, and quite a bit too, after he got in huge trouble over a party last year. They just tell him to be careful now whenever he goes out. I hope he doesn't ditch the group. I don't think he will though, at least right now. If I told his parents about it, he'd be pissed and hate me n' shit. But trying to get my friends to be a part of it failed.

Thanks for the advice. I think I'll just keep trying to get my friends on the bandwagon. Getting his parent in it would probably be all bad.

 

What are the differences between mental and physical addiction? I thought he was physically and mentally addicted at this point. How long does it usually take if somebody gets fucked up a few times a week?

 

mental addiction is your do anything for it like crackheads are so addicted that will suck a dick for some crack. physical addiction is when your body needs the endorphines and awesoeme feeling the drug gives that if were stop without warning or without slowly weening yourself off you will go through painful withdrawal

 

Got it. Then my friend is physically addicted. Not mentally. One of my other friends who used to drink a lot and went through withdrawals, and he drank just as much as my friend right now does, and he lost a lot of weight and just felt like shit for the whole second semester of 12th grade after he stopped drinking for a week.

 

When my sister goes for more than a couple of hours without alcohol (such as when she sleeps) she is in sever pain. She shakes and sweats and can barely even walk until she has her drink. Prolonged alcoholism causes brain changes, their brain shrinks and crystals form which causes problems with other functions the brain controls.

I have seen her stumbling home 8 months pregnant where she looked like she was functioning only on her base brain involvement. Much like someone who has been severly brain damaged (if you have ever seen that).

She is my only sister and I cant make her stop. My parents cant make her stop. Not even her kids can make her stop. It is something she has to do herself and to date, she isnt interested.

I hope your friend can alter his behavior before it gets to the point where he needs medical intervention and he alienates all friends and family.

 

yes, he would be pissed at you and hate you in the beginning...that is going to happen anyway you just need to be prepared for the worst...the good news is that if the intervention works and he gets the help he needs you will be the first one he thanks for being a tough love friend...

if he has to drink everyday just to get to normal then he is physically dependent...

 

There is a huge difference between physical addiction and mental addiction. You can be mentally addicted and still not feel normal until you drink.

 

Sorry to have to tell you this, but there is not much you can do. It often takes a life-altering experience related to alcoholism to make someone stop. My family has a history of alcoholism and this is what I've noticed.

People usually become alcoholics as a symptom of something else in their lives that is awry. Maybe you can help your friend identify the reason he drinks so much and help him work on it or suggest therapy for that problem.

 

I have a family member who quit drinking all-together, after seeing how alcoholism affects the human liver. I guess that was their life-altering experience.