I really need advice

thanks again to everyone who tried to help!!

 

SweetAngel29, I never intended any meanness in what I said, I did not think you were sincerely seeking advice. So I'm going to try to show you a little bit more empathy since what I think you really want is sympathy.

But first you need to know, that I was the wife in just such a situation. My ex was constantly going back to a certain woman, who was his girlfriend before we married. She married someone too and they still would get together at times. I did blame her, and him, for all of it, they are not together today and probably never will be, although neither of them is attached at present. To them the allure is more that of the forbidden fruit than a real relationship.

So, I think you are lonely, hurt, confused, (from the men in your life) and angry at her for lashing out at you. I say you have a "right to be a bitch" I don't think any of us have that right, if being a "bitch" will hurt others.

What you really need to remember is that you are holding a lot of pain and anger inside and if you keep it up, you will end up hurting yourself more than anyone else.

You should also re-think your marriage problems, I know you won't like this, but just take an honest look and see if you really weren't part of the issue there in the divorce, if you went to running to another married man when you had problems with yours. This is not meant to blame you, and I know the temptation is strong, I was tempted for another man when my ex was being an idiot, but I did not go there.

You may have to get a restraining order against the wife, if things continue also. Just a thought.

 

I'm surprised you didn't throw in the charities you donate to because we know you're so compassionate.

I'm not taking sides but I didn't see where she made his wife into the one in the wrong here.

We all get into things we shouldn't. We all make wrong choices. I don't see why she has to be all but hanged here for saying that she "messed" around with a married man. People should really judge others less and look at themselves.

 

Yes we live in a society that respects and encourages marriage, but isn't it the cheating husband who took the marriage vows and should abide by them and not go fucking around on his wife ? I'm not saying the other woman bares no responsibility BUT the bulk of it or any blame should go on his shoulders not who he was fucking with.

 

The condescending tone is really not necessary Tinkerbell.

Now why in hell would you want to "keep your man" if you knew he was fucking another woman or women ? You don't have to live with the other woman but why would you want to live with your cheating husband. I say the wife that goes after the other woman is crazy and irrational. Put blame where blame is due and go after him, the one that was supposed to love you and be faithful etc etc.

The wife who trusts her husband -- if her husband doesn't give a shit about her while he's fucking around, why should another woman have any concern or pity towards his wife when he doesn't ?

What I meant is that if the other woman is a friend she should "know better" and have more respect for her friend ie, the wife, and not go after or get entangled with him, that is what I meant by if you know the other woman.

 

...you sound like a woman who's chased or had a married man or two.

 

Why because I'm a woman and I'm blaming the married man not the other woman ?

The answer to your comment is: No, I've had cheating men in my family and have never figured out why women, predominantly, will always blame the other woman and not the married man fooling around.

 

I was not trying to be condescending, I was trying to make you see, this is an emotional issue, it is not rational, women WILL go after the other woman, and they will try to keep their man, it happens, that doesn't mean it's right, or that she is totally to blame, we know our man is to blame but we can't deal with knowing that another woman "took him away", we will fight till we know we won, then we may very well dump him anyway!! That's the way most of us do it. That does not mean we are doing it right.

 

Hi I'm new to this blog. Just interested in this topic as is close to my heart.Am married to beautiful JAmaican have two children and we are garndparents!! have known him 30 years (since i was 16) he has not always been faithful. Have just found out he has had two affairs in last 3 months. both women know he is married. He obviously tells lies which makes me out to be non interesting, non loving blah blah blah. But no I am still slim and attractive sexy and kind. Difference is I do love him. I think now I may have to start looking for another man who wants to have a one to one. There is no excuse for cheating, not by husband or other woman. Dont kisd yourself you are to blame for the most horrendous heartache that for people like me has left me completely devastated, taken my little girls daddy (she is 7) changed our daily lift together. He doesnt want to leave though oh know he likes his life with me- but as he says he wants his cake and eat it. I have texted both bitches and told what I think of them. both refuse to tell me their intentions I am torn between going and staying. I just want to be happy.
He has said he has stopped seeing both- but how do I know this for sure.

 

I understand. No i do not want sympathy i just want someone to put themselves in my shoes and understand where i am coming from. Yes i wanted advice but i am not saying you did or only you did but got judged instead. "So, I think you are lonely, hurt, confused, (from the men in your life) and angry at her for lashing out at you. I say you have a "right to be a bitch" I don't think any of us have that right, if being a "bitch" will hurt others". I was feeling lonely, hurt and confused but i am also strong enough to know what is right and wrong and this whole situation was WRONG!! I am not being a bitch to hurt others i just feel when someone comes harping at me i can harp right back because until you have been in my shoes you truly do not know what i am or did go through."What you really need to remember is that you are holding a lot of pain and anger inside and if you keep it up, you will end up hurting yourself more than anyone else." Yes i am holding alot of ANGER inside me not only because of this situation but because of my marriage and what i went through. I am dealing with the crap one day at a time and it just pisses me off to seek out advice and you seem to get judged. I do take responsiblity for my part in this action, i do feel bad for what i have done but i am also trying to change things to make them better for myself and others around me. My marriage was a HORABLE one and full of abuse committed by him. He cheated on me years before i even went back with this man. I tried everything making my marriage work but you can only take so many punches and so many bruises before you say enough is enough. I guess it is until you have lived in someones shoes you truly dont know what their really going through you just assume you know.:!:

And another fact you guys do not know that throughout this guy's marriage he has left his wife for another woman (Not Me) and has cheated on her with at least 3 more woman that she has told me about when i had spoken to her. .

 

happy birthday, Tinkerbell

I know its Saturday..but in case I'm at work just want to be the first to wish you well.

 

You see that's where you're wrong, because many of us who answered you a bit harshly did so BECAUSE we have lived through it. If you took the time to read through some of the threads around here, you would see that. I have shared in a few places and so has Sarah and some of the others, the pain we went through. It's not that we don't understand, it's that we have possibly become intolerant, because we suffered such pain at the hands of others, and just because you have been hurt does not make it right for you to interfere with another marriage.

 

HOW SWEET, and thank you!!

 

Back from my mini-hiatus, so please give me a mini news feed on what pain you and SarahS suffered on the hands of others? Really because I only can't remember right now. Is it that you were cheated ON or that you were involved with a married man?

 

Shouldn't that be suffered such pain at the hands of your husband ?

 

At least that's mine, I think that Sarah was too, but she can answer for sure. And yes my ex, was the culprit, but when the woman knew he was married, and then tried to cause trouble when he broke it off, it was really weird. Like I said it's more an emotional issue than a logical issue, if we were all logical about it, maybe we would only blame him, but I admit I blamed her a lot, I wished I had it in me to do some horrible things, thank God I didn't.

 

I was cheated on and my family members have went through it too.

 

I was cheated on too, if you recall any of my posts from months back. And I agree it sucked, and I too blamed both of them for a long time. But if you've never been "the other woman," then I can see where the OP would get defensive. I know that it's not something that those of us who've been cheated on like to think about, or even have any capacity to understand, but "the other woman" has feelings too whether we want to admit that or not. You NEVER know what the man in the situation is telling her. And while people on the outside can look in and say that it's obviously wrong, and horrible, and a completely stupid move, unless you're in those shoes you don't know what feelings surround that person.

 

I've had cheating men in my family too.

 

They suck? Huh?
I can laugh about my cheating ex now though, man he was gay.