Do You Prefer Being Single or Being in a Relationship?

Love does matter, but variety is the spice of life...some things are better enjoyed alone, some things are better with a partner, and at different times of your life (or when you meet different people) you feel the need to be intimate, or the need to be independent. It's not to do with remaining static all through your life - no-one does.

 

As I said..."Shit happens". Kinda like a Zen way of looking at life. People(including mum, dad, lover, bestpals) die all the time.
It's the physics of this universe...so one must be in the moment and yet detached from it. Zen. Zen-like.

Do not assume I am dating/not dating either. Do not assume I have not known or do not know "true love" (What is that anyway? Eternal question...eh?). I merely process emotions in a different manner than you do.

Why am I even explaining? :roll:

 

I get that feeling too sometimes!

 

Pretty much all relationships are difficult, one way or another, and no matter what type of relationship you may have with someone (or multiple others for that matter) there will be ups and downs, but hey, that's a part of how life works, regardless of what you can figure out, especially when conflicting personalities are involved in the courtships, so when in doubt, shit actually does happen, but never count on or look for it to, or you'll get it faster than you bargained for.

I think it's safe for me to say that everyone in here sees being single and being in a relationship the same way, but remember that single people can be in relationships also, whether they are just 'having fun' or seriously searching to be in a genuine one, but either way, whether you are single/ready and willing to mingle, or have settled down, the one thing that is gonna get ya in the end is LONELINESS. No one really wants to be alone, now do they? Isn't that why we cheat/ swing/ have affairs, get married too early, coerce our partners from time to time, and other things?

That is what keeps people from giving up on the relationships altogether, if they ever do. Yep, LONELINESS. There may be some people in this world who don't mind growing old and dying alone (in fact, lots of individuals actually deserve that) but more often than not, most people WILL MIND IT, mainly because a relationship with someone, even if it's their very first, or latest, is seen as a milestone to many people in their lives, like Mr. Pey here, judging by his perceptions on love (which are very deep by the way), albeit, laced with idealism at the most, but still, his opinions nonetheless.

When 7 started that thread on the subject of love, the reason why I posted those various definitions from the dictionary, was because there is NO ULTIMATE definition of it. It just varies from person to person, and even though I am NO LOVE EXPERT, I do know this about it so far: It's a feeling of elation you have for someone who makes your own life seem a lot less lonely.

 

I don't think you can generalise really, it depends on the time of your life and what you want.

I have just left my man after over three years together, and am in so much pain right now even though it was my decision. Sometimes you may want to be with somebody and no matter how strong the bond and the love, there are other things going on. It wasn't to do with race, or culture, but more my personal issues that I know need to be sorted out before I can be in a fair and loving relationship again.

Earlier this year I got extremely sick. Just one of the million amazing ways he was there for me was how he was when I was sick. My illness had components that affectd my mental state and was very confronting for him, especially since I know he had his own issues to deal with. But he was there and was my rock for me...

But at the same time what happened made me realise I have to live every single second of life with clarity, honesty and integrity. In some ways I see it as a blessing, I guess anybody who sees their life in the perspective of being behind them rather than in front- when it is in jeapordy, will say it affects their perspective.

It might be a huge mistake leaving him- we really saw a future together, but to sort myself out It's a risk I have to take, because I can't seem to solve these things whilst in my relationship. My point is I guess there is no point being in a relationship unless it satisfies you totally- otherwise you hurt yourself and them. I was never the type to have a man around just for the sake of it. If it's about simple needs like companionship, or sex or someone to hang out with, fine- but don't call it a (serious) relationship then, better to acknowledge for what it is, because a true bond is about alot more than satisfying those base instincts.

I love him to pieces, so deeply but right now It's better to be single, and even though it's awful...life's never easy, eh? I know I'm still so young and if I could press 'fast forward' a few years that we could probably have a life long parternship- but it's not like that.

Mosiah I think when I was younger I used to be one of those women you were talking about (maybe not to that extent, but I understand). I think women have difficulty separating these things from a personal rejection. But now I definately understand and value the concept of your own space. Not just from your partner- but all people- even that inner circle of closest friends.

I'm actually thinking about driving about 4 hours away to a different city to spend the weekend- go to the art galleries, museum, maybe even hit a club or two. Some may see it as 'lame' to do those things but there was a time when I would never have been comfortable doing that- but it's important to enjoy your own company and you should never lose that in a relationship.

A partner might help you grow and develop, particularly at my age,but the moment you are compromising your own identity, it becomes unhealthy.

Phew! Sorry for the rambling post. So right now guess I needed to vent!

 

Lecksie I'm sorry you're hurting and I hope you'll be ok, my sympathies!

 

1. Actually, leksie, if you re-read my post, in your own way, you're actually agreeing with mine to some extent.

2. I wasn't trying to generalize.

3. Sorry to hear about the news of your relationship.

 

Oh definately sardonic, sorry I wasn't replying specifically to your own post even though it seemed like it! I was just in my own headspace lol..like I said I think I needed to get it off my chest!

 

Your idea about going to another town for a weekend is a terrific one...one of the best cures for a sore heart is going somewhere new and strange, with none of the memories of the person already attached to that place. Obviously you take some of your sadness with you in your head but it would be easier to be somewhere you don't know than somewhere that you're used to being with him! If you were nearer by I'd say come to London - my boy is going back to Africa for some time to sort his visa out, so I'll need cheering up too...

 

Aww thanks for the kind words sweetie. It's really hard- there is a different between what you *want* to do and what you *have* to do. For me it was what I had to do, though I love him deeply.

It's hard because he doesn't accept it, and will turn up to my place and alternate between crying, being angry and trying to make amends. I already feel guilty as all hell and though I know he's hurting so bad (as am I) he needs to respect the way that I need my space right now. That said, I am probably giving mixed messages because often I can't help being tender towards him because I do care about him.

Sorry to hear about your man, hopefully it will all get sorted out- the visa thing often does feel like something hanging over your head I understand that. But just use the time to spoil yourself totally and before you know it he will be back.

Would love to get to London one day, have been there a couple times as a kid but thats all. All my friends have been abandoning me for London in these last few months! My ex-man (so wierd saying that) might actually be flying out for London next week....Plenty of Zim (and other African) ex pats as you know.

 

I know this is an old thread, but I found it a good read. Would anyone care to share their thoughts on the question: Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?

Cheers.

 

I would love to be in a relationship, Athena. The single life isn't near as fulfilling for me. How about you?

 

I like aspects of both. I love having the freedom to do as I please, go where I wish and just live according to my own schedule.

Yet I enjoy sharing experiences, thoughts, and time with someone special. I enjoy feeling love for someone and wanting to be near them. I, like the original poster, enjoy my freedom and time alone - but also love to share. The key for me, is to find someone who is not going to try to smother me, yet can maintain intense intimacy. It can be a challenging balance and I haven't found it yet.

My time alone isn't to chase men or flirt like a mad-woman, it's to reflect, to centre myself and just be with me. That recharges me for my time with other people.

I do love love KuntryGirl and I enjoy diving right into it too! lol :heart:

EDIT** A big thing I do not like about relationships is leaving myself open to being hurt because of giving my trust to someone who doesn't deserve it.

 

I stayed in a bad marriage for much longer than I should have, because I was afraid of being single again. I knew "it's tough out there." I cherished my attached status.

When I did become single again, because it WAS inevitable, I was so happy. I did miss sleeping next to a man, but not being mistreated by the same man.

I'm fortunate that I'm not very susceptible so society's pressures. I do what I want to, and my loving family is behind me. I don't see being single as a curse, and I choose to be single unless I'm in a relationship that's worth it for me - where I love, and am loved.

 

That's a beautiful way to put it Mosk, I agree 100%. I'm not in a hurry, and if I am to be with a man again, it will be because I know I am loved and I love him, otherwise, it's just me, and I'm fine with that, in fact, I'm happy that way.

 

My longest relationship was 3 years,and I do enjoy the feeling of being single. But I miss being in a relationship. the dates, the sex, the fun my ex and I had. Oh well its better to have loved and lost and yada yada yada....

 

"Some people enjoy the freedom of being single and the joy and adventure of dating new people, experiencing new things, and less stress. Others enjoy the stability, dependability, romance, reliability, and constant sex of a relationship."

I perfer the single thing right now since getting out of a bad relationship. I want to be more secure with myself before i bring another person into my life; i do like the romance and dependability in a relationship though. Right now i just take it one day at a time and see where life takes me.:smt023

 

Right now, and for the forseeable future, I will be single.
Both have good aspects, but I have spent a lot of time figuring myself out, and I think that I am just better off on my lone. I can deal with the negatives of being along better than I can deal with the negatives of being in a relationship.

One day, somebody might change my mind, but I don't think so.
Either way, it is always worse to be in the wrong relationship than to be alone.

Not everyone has to find someone. And, I don't think there is someone for everybody. That is a lie.

 

I prefer to be in a relationship. It just needs to be with the right person.

 

Co-sign

You read my mind.