what do white women love about black men?

Good of you to say what you did Bookworm, you always have the voice of reason, and that's why I always enjoy reading your posts! I can't give you anymore Rep, because it just will not let me.

It's terribly difficult enough for any guy to approach a woman for the first time, being unsure of her signals, or lack thereof, but to add to it, the racial factor that us BM must also deal with too, i.e. (does she even do black?) This fun fact only adds to an already difficult task. It's a wonder how there are any WW/BM couples at all.

 

Exactly. The man just has to be himself and do what comes naturally to him. If that is bringing flowers go ahead and do it. I think when its genuine from the man's heart it comes across that way.

I may not be a flowers girl but if a guy gave me some I wouldn't count it against him. If I'm feelin' him and the chemistry is there its all the better.

 

It is absolutely difficult for you guys but you just have to go out on limb sometimes and be brave. I think a lot of guys are afraid to approach a woman in general or women they see as unapproachable. If you'd (men n general) only be a bit brave and try I think you would be pleasantly surprised.

I've been told that I look unapproachable. I think its my shyness that some men may read as that. I just wish the guy would put a bit of effort in and try.

As for does she do black ? The only way to find out is to try.

 

So true!

Well I think we need to hear from you men as to how to give clearer signals.

But it's sortof a fine line because we have to be ourselves too. I read another thread where Athena was saying she comes straight out and tells a man she's interested...I can't really imagine myself doing that in person.

 

ah the unapproachable thing. I've heard that a lot. I'm very smiley and friendly in person. But then I'm also often with children in tow or in a hurry or with girlfriends...all difficult situations to approach. But I guess if someone is really interested they are going to put forth the effort.

I guess it all comes down to that we all have what we want in life or all the reasons why not!

 

That's the thing, I'm a friendly person but I don't go around smiling, unless I have a reason to and maybe that's seen by some as unapproachable. I don't know but I've heard that one a lot. I think that some men are just braver than others and will try where some won't.

I wish I could be the kind that can go up to a guy but that's not me. If I know the guy than yeah I can do it but not someone I don't know.

 

I really like the insight that you bring to this forum, so please do be encouraged to stay, and keep posting.

Now that I've gotten all of the pleasantries out of the way...

Let me go on to say, you are one of the main types of women that keeps a guy puzzled. Your last several posts, are mainly the reason why I used this... :smt101 :smt017 :smt102

The complexity of women may be epitomized in you alone, and therefore I would be very interested in getting into your head, and finding out what makes you tick? I'm just being honest here. So please do not take any offense to any of it, as it is not my intention to offend you dear.

In closing, I'd like to add... it's not that men, or at least me, am afraid, or not bold enough to approach women, but a guy can have all the confidence in the world, (which I may), and go out there ready to approach many a women, having the best of approaches too, I might add, yet still be unsuccessful at gaining any fair lady's attention upon approaching them all. So until you're in our shoes, you really have no idea, what kind of message this sort of rejection may send to a guy, psychologically, and your rather cavalier statement(s) that men should just basically man up, goes out the proverbial window, and is lost on us, because you are not a guy, nor are you in our shoes, and you don't get the option to do what you're asking us to do, and it's sort of arrogant for you to say "just do it", go out there, and approach women, so you can get all kinds of rejection, then come home, feeling totally dejected, wondering what the hell is wrong with me? Now off to my closet I go bitterly. lol.

You're in the position to do the rejecting, but how nice of you to be in that position, and give us your advice.

 

Danger rinnaye5000!

You may be told to grow some balls. :smt017

 

Missing the point today are we Lucifer? Maybe, just maybe. :smt017

 

Thanks Rinnaye! I appreciate that.

Well, just start approaching and you can see by her body language whether she'll be open to you introducing yourself. It's hard, though. I understand. Trying to figure out the dating world is never easy.

 

No, not really.

Earlier today I read a post from a thread (I forget which) from one of the ladies (I forget whom) here talking about men who can't/won't approach a lady as having no balls or some such.

So I was just warning you.

 

Dang MJB...why do you have to go opening your mouth and ruining the whole fantasy?

Actually....what you say may be true but I think you are talking about a specific age group and it really depends on what you are looking for.

 

lol..you crazy...

 

Maybe I need to go back, and re-read my post, because everyone seems to believe I'm saying I have a problem approaching women, when in fact, that's the least of my problems. For the record, I have never been intimidated about approaching women, no matter how "beautiful". I have always been confident in myself, and my approach. I am/was speaking to the young lady about her ability to tell guys how they need to man up, and approach women, but seeing she is not a man herself, how can she know how easy, or difficult that is? Especially since she seems to be one of the most difficult, or pickiest varieties of women herself.

Ok then, my bad. Much apologies for the misunderstanding. And thanks for the warning!

 

You're welcome. I'm more than happy to offer advice anytime you'd like.

1) yes I'm a stayin' here and will keep posting I can't figure out if your comment was dripping sarcasm but I'll take it as a compliment - LOL

2) no offense taken, I am COMPLEX, you're not the first person or man to tell me that. I'm also often very confusing. You're a brave man (no manning up needed for you lol) to want to get into my head and find out what makes me tick .... many a man has tried, never to be heard from again -- LMAO

3) Its not all on the man nowadays to do the approaching. There are lots of women out there who approach men; sometimes more often than men approach women. I do have the option of approaching a man but as I said, I'm rather shy in that respect and not that brave so I don't. I guess I need to "woman" up then -- LOL

4) I never said you or any other male has to "man up", maybe it came across that way but I didn't mean it like that. I said that there are some men who will approach any and every woman and some won't and yes some are afraid. There is always the chance that the woman will say no but there is also the chance the woman will say yes. If the man doesn't approach because he fears rejection then he will never know and the chance could be that he would have been successful in gaining the fair lady's attention. One just has to take a risk and do it and yes I'm including myself in that advice.

Being single is a crapshoot. Approaching the opposite sex is a crapshoot. Figuring out what makes men tick and how you guys think is just as exhuasting and confusing, if not more so, as it is for you to figure us women out.

 

Ok fair enough!

You've explained yourself all too very eloquently, but I'd still like to try and get further into your head, so that I can better understand a few more things regarding the complexities of the opposite sex. And I promise I won't scare off that easily. lol

With regards to the compliments I gave you, please know, they absolutely were all too sincere, and truly meant to be just that.

I'm glad you did not take offense to anything I said, and sure, I may have misinterpreted of some of the things you said, so please accept my apologies.

Thanks for your reply.

 

Well, Rinnaye, and others,

We have heard from women who say they are told they are "unapproachable" and maybe they are more shy, or more beautiful than me, I really don't know.

But unfortunately that has never been my problem. So I am at the opposite end of the spectrum and find myself being approached by men of all races often. I even asked my friends if I was giving off some sort of "I'm easy" signals, but they say I'm not, I dress professionally most of the time and never risque in any way, I also don't wear tight clothes.

Case in point - I went to Agua Prieta Mexico yesterday to pick up a few things and I had guys (both older and younger than me) gawking at me and whistling and trying to make eye contact all over the place. I don't consider myself all that attractive, I just a normal confidant, smiling and friendly lady out by myself shopping. It happens everywhere I go to some extent, even at the bank the other day a good looking tall black fellow caught my eye, because I had overheard a comment he made that made me aware he was in business for himself so I turned, and smiled in a friendly way, because that's something I respect and he started flirting. Well he was really cute and there was some of that "instant chemistry" but I really wasn't interested. So I tried real hard to only be friendly and not be rude but to make my way out of the bank with out him asking for my phone number, I was successful, but I've noticed him a couple more times in town (it's a small town) and I just feel awkward now.

So I am giving off some sort of signal that men are interpreting as approachable, maybe in this discussion we can figure out what I'm doing wrong and what men think of as flirting. (Please bare in mind I am not experienced at flirting, so I am only speaking from my own experience.)

When I flirt I am more apt to give a real "beaming" look of admiration that lingers more than normal eye contact, and I will probably approach and touch the guys arm, (I would never do that otherwise unless we were already good friends) shaking hands doesn't count, that's friendly and professional. If I'm flirting I'm also looking for nice things to do for the guy, offering little ways to help him out if I see a need or offering to get back in touch about information he needs -stuff like that. (I'm talking about going above and beyond a professional assistance to a client or co-businessman).

But keep in mind I would never flirt with someone I just met, I'm looking for character and I want to know the guy, so that I feel safe flirting. So starting out in the "friend zone" may not be such a bad idea, I know some of my friends say they think every couple aught to be friends first.

 

I've never been much the type of guy to bring a girl flowers on a first date. Later in the relationship maybe, but on a first date I'm more likely to bring her a box of condoms to make sure she knows what my expectations are for the night.

I do open doors though. My parents didn't teach me much, but proper manners was one of the things that they did manage. That is also a lesson that I plan to teach my son(s)... so please teach your daughters some appreciation for at least the smallest semblance of chivalry.

I've learned a long time ago that we will never be able to fully understand the motives of women, so I find it best to just be yourself and do what you do. If you're a flowery kinda guy, bring her flowers. If you're a rude bastard, pull up in front of her house and honk the horn. You can only be Dr. Jeckyl for so long before Mr. Hyde stops in for a visit, anyways.

 

:smt007 That's the kind of stuff I like on dates. And I always say thank you to anyone who keeps a door open for me, or who opens a door for me. And I will pass that on to my daughter.

As for your last paragraph, I couldn't agree more. Always be yourself. You won't be able to keep up a charade for very long. So, why bother? I've never understood the people who operate that way. I put the real me forward at all times. If you don't like me, you don't like me. But, I won't pretend to be someone I'm not. It's just not worth it to me.