Real Attraction

I didn't mean in me personally. Yes it would matter to me and I wouldn't like it if a man was only interested in me because I was white. I wouldn't be with them in that case.

I was saying generally on a forum, why should it matter that much to someone what a person may feel or say ?! that's what I don't get

So what if someone lists some physical traits they're attracted to ? Yes I've listed them but I've also listed other non physical. This is the whitewomenblackmen forum after all so obviously the white women here are here because they like black men and ofcourse the color of the skin/physical traits will figure into people's posts/opinions. If I can't say I like a man because he is black here where can I say it ?!

Whether we like it or not the physical part of the person is very important. Some will admit it some will not but it does draw our attention to the person; its what attracts us first. We see with our eyes first. Physical matters and I don't think that's objectifying anyone. If a woman would say they're only with black men because they have bigger dicks THAT would be objectifying them IMO.

 

Ouch.......touché! (lol)

 

Serendipity...you yourself in the other thread posted that the situation you were in with the black man was not a relationship but a "physical thang"

I would guess that's why the question was posed as to how many other black men you have been with.

Post like yours simply raise questions. When someone goes on and on about how it's the best sex ever and all sorts of things about personality traits and so on (when we all know that every or even most are not the same) then yah it's objectifying.

Even if you were to say - I met this man and he was the most intelligent caring loving man I've ever met so therefore now I'm only into black men...yah I think people would wonder WTF? Because of one experience now you are throwing major praise for millions.

We just happen to know that every black man is different just as every white woman is. I'm sure you do as well.

I don't think anyone has any issue with anyone praising black men or white women on here. It's just simply that some posts really are about surface stuff and/or blazing generalizations. And people don't really care to be generalized...even if it's positive generalizations.

 

Yep, ItalianLady was turned-the fuck-out!:smt112

 

I can't speak for anyone else but it has nothing to do with sex. Yes the sex was phenomenal but that is not why "I've gone black and will never go back".

It was a combination of everything that happened personally for me. Its the comfort I felt with this man for the first time ever that I never had with a white man before. Its feeling accepted just the way I am; its being made to feel beautiful and sexy that no other white man has made me feel. Its the confidence, the attitude, the talk, the walk, the whole package. I have since still feel that comfort level with black men and attraction to them. I can't really explain it.

No ofcourse other BM will not be the same as the first, but on a whole I am attracted to and want to be with black men based on my experience. As I said in another post, as with everything in life there always has to be a first. So if a person bases their decision on 1 man so be it; who's to say its wrong or that they shouldn't.

 

Just because I wasn't in love with this man or in a "relationship" doesn't mean I didn't / don't care about this person. Yes the relationship was physical but under the surface there were some feelings. I liked him a lot; he is an amazing man, unlike anyone I have ever met before. He's intelligent, driven, ambitious, caring, sweet, understanding, patient etc etc ... The situation was such that it could only be physical. Also at the point in my life, I only wanted physical with no strings. I painted a broad picture in my "experience" post; the real story and details are in the fine print and that is private.

I have never been against black men or disliked them in any way. Just the circles I was in, all I saw and was used to was women dating white men. I was not with this black man because he was black but because I was attracted to him and liked him as a person. I never even saw color when I looked at him and still don't. But he was black and yes the experience with him changed who I am now attracted to and who I want to be with. Other BM will not come close to him I am aware of that but I am not comparing anyone. Some may even exceed him. I know that I feel most comfortable with black men now. That's it.

 

Can I ask how you came to your preference for black men ?

There must have been a first to turn you for lack of a better word.

That's how it is for me and others here. We all start with one. Some are new to this; to some its been their whole life. No one's reason for being with black men is more right or wrong. Some here may just be starting out on the road of self discovery / discovery of black men. My self discovery happened after and because of that one incredible special man that just happened to come into my life.

 

You may ask.

I think there is a difference when one gets turned out or gets into something where they then decide on one experience/one person that this is how it's going to be for them from then on. That one person may have really brought so much out in you but that doesn't mean that any other black man will.

I do prefer black men. I won't say that I would never be open to being with a non-black man. I didn't decide I preferred black men based upon one person, one situation. It was based on many situations over a long period of time...and actually most of which were friendships over time with no sexual involvement.

I certainly understand the physical attractions that we all have towards whoever we happen to have them towards. At one point in life I didn't think that was very important. I didn't think that my "type" or physical draw really mattered. So maybe it was more of a denying what was there all along. I happen to be more physically attracted to black men, generally speaking. That certainly does NOT mean ANY or ALL.

btw - don't assume that just because some are strong members or long time members of this board that they have a preference for bm or ww. Some do, some do not. Some have declared they would only be with and some are not of that mindset. Personally, I don't really see myself ending up with a man who is not black but who knows. But of course you don't know anything about my life and my family....it's not simply me and there are many things that factor in.

My preference for black men comes from certain similar experiences that I have found unique to black men. I'm also a mother of a black child and that makes my life very different from many others.

I guess I'm somewhat lucky in that when I was turned out (and yes for those who care to know I was) by a black man it was not my first experience with a black man. So I was very clear that black men are individuals and each being very different.

You may feel very differently once you have been with someone who is not at all as you've described and/or really hurts you very badly.

I think the thing is that it's just an odd thing to see because of one person then that makes you go to "once you go black you never turn back". I understand that saying was meant about just such situations but I also recognize that many of us do go back even if just for a bit. It's just such a strong stance to take after one experience. I think the reaction would have been a bit different if you came in here saying how you had met this person and had a very special connection with him and how you were able to talk about anything and everything and felt so comfortable and you aren't finding yourself as attracted to non-black men now. But to come in saying you had this physical thang (your words ) and now you've gone black and will never go back...it raises eyebrows.

You have to understand that not too many are really interested in being an experiment or a phase.

 

I am a very emotional woman(as all women are...another generalization). I do base my attraction on a man's physical appearance as well as on his character. I absolutely DO NOT desire a man of whatever race for his sexual endowments(no matter if it's 10inches+) I want romance and real love and I experienced that to greater degree with the 2 black men I have dated(that's enough experience to know what I want and what I find so uniquely attractive about black men. It is their look, image, style, attitude, and Yes! their shiny, smooth, extremely dark skin that I am sooooo irresistably drawn to. That's personal taste.

 

For one I wasn't experimenting as you put it. NEVER did the thought - I'm going to fuck a black man - cross my mind. It wasn't about that at all. This man just happened to come into my life, yes I was physically attracted to him but that was not the end all be all. I was also mentally attracted to him. He is an absolutely fascinating individual on every level. I wasn't attracted or drawn to him because he was black. As I have stated numerous times already, I didn't even see color with this man, there were a lot of elements to the equation but he also happened to be black.

I guess I didn't elaborate more on what it was and should have. You actually hit the nail right on the head with the above. I DID have a very special connection with this person which is why I even had a "physical thang" with him, I could and still can talk to him about anything under the sun and feel comfortable doing so. I also feel / felt comfortable physically with him. Neither of these things I have ever found or felt with white men. For me personally, it was both mental and physical connection with this man that did it for me.

I also never said that I would NEVER be open to being with a non black man. I think you and maybe others are reading more into what I said than actually there. What I did say was that I am more attracted to black men. I don't see why that's not valid to feel even if I was only with one black man. I do know/am friends with other black men; I may not have dated or slept with them but I know how I feel and its an overall comfort and connection that I can't really put my finger on.

Why does this even has to be stated ? Ofcourse each black man, just like any other human being, is an individual and very different from the next. I never said they're all the same. I don't think anyone thinks that all BM are the same.

I may not be treated the same by other black men but my opinion is not so much based on how I was treated but the overall comfort, attraction, connection I feel with black men. I am not naive to think that every black man will treat me the same or be the same, ofcourse not. If it doesn't make sense to some people how one may feel or develop a preference for, based on one experience then that's their problem.

And let me just clarify that by one experience I mean on an intimate level - mentally and physically btw. I have always felt more comfortable around black people to begin with, I just never went past friendship / acquaintance level with black men before this one man. Its not like I've never known any or been in contact with any black men before this one.

And as for the phrase: "once you go black you never go back" ... I didn't say or mean that concretely. It was more said as an off the cuff remark. I also never said I will never go back. I am more attracted to BM and my preference has changed is what I said. But that phrase does seem to have some truth in it.

In closing I will just say that I don't know why it should matter so much to others what my reasons or anyone else's reasons may be for choosing / preferring a black man over a white man. As long as people are happy for whatever reason they are happy for that is ALL that matters. I personally don't give a shit why anyone here has chosen to be with a BM or WW. Its THEIR choice; their decision that no one else can say is right or wrong. No one should be made to feel they have to justify why they feel the way they feel.

 

I agree with this statement.

But take responsibility for your own actions. You come to a forum and post the things you have. People naturally have questions. Maybe you need to realize the environment that you are walking into. You can behave however you choose but there are always consequences for behavior. It just happens to be that the comments that you made stimulate certain questions and responses.

I'm not going to bother going over every detail. You asked me and I responded. You can do with it as you wish. The only thing I will say is that you repeatedly have taken issue about why do certain things need to be stated. How is one to know anything other than what you communicate? And in this medium that happens to be through written word...we all know that it's limited.

I mean this is sortof like when someone chooses certain ways of dressing and speaking and then wants to bitch about others seeing them in a certain way. Maybe it's not right but come on...people have to know at least partly how they are representing themselves.

 

Why does it matter to you ? Why does it matter to anyone else here what my reasons are ? What my experiences are / have been.

People see what they want to see. Seems some have read too much into what I posted. I didn't say anything that should have offended anyone and I didn't objectify anyone. My feelings are MY feelings. My reasons are MY reasons. I will not go into every detail of my relationship or my life. THAT is personal.

I am shocked and a bit annoyed at the reaction tbh. A mountain has been made out of a mole hill. And I will say it again; It shouldn't matter one bit to anyone else here what my or any other members' reasons are for change in preference or attraction to, black men.

 

If it doesn't matter- than wtf do you care what any of us say?

 

I don't care, its just that it winds me up. I never expected my post(s)to have this strong of a reaction or raise that many questions/eyebrows.

Why, what, who, when, how many, how often .... who gives a flying fuck !!!!

 

psst

I find it very odd that you say you love dark skinned men especially from South Africa. The country rarely have dark skinned people in fact if you are dark in South Africa people think that you are an illegal immigrant and you are likely to be attacked and even arrested by the Police if you don't show you I.D.I'm personally from Botswana and my country is close to South Africa even here there are not so many dark people and they are always discriminated against.But as a dark skinned person i love the fact that someone out there appreciate us and think that we are attractive,i mean everyone here wants to be light-skinned!

 

Yea that light skinned/dark skinned "battle" is annoying.Beauty does not depend on the shade of darkness or lightness of one's skin.
Seen beautiful people of all races and skin tones