Standards

If it wasn't for the atlantic in the middle, I'd jump up and hug you. I have lesbian friends (had, I friend-dumped them after that) who could hold long monolouges on how much they hate bisexual women, because they can always sneak of with a man. And had male friends who thought that because Im bisexual, im in for threesomes (i hate threesomes! I don't want a man staring at me if I have sex with a hot girl.. do you guys (the men)? No! Figured, so why should I like it...)

I hate having my sexuality being bashed at from left and right, like it was ok. Just like you say, everything that doesn't include yourself is fair game. And there is the reason that that is a dealbreaker for me.

 

If it wasn't for the Atlantic in the middle, I'd let you. I'm in sore need of a hug tonight.

People just don't get it, and I really don't think they ever will. I have a very pessimistic outlook on humanity, and I've got good reason for it.

I think those who are more open sexually (and about their sexuality) get it a little harder than any other group of people. We don't get hated on because of what we look like, we get hate because we're not afraid to be ourselves, and that scares people. Most people are so insecure that being confronted with someone who -is- secure makes them question themselves even more, and they love pointing fingers at what caused them to feel that way instead of taking care of themselves. Not to mention, added on to that, you get those of the religious persuasion hating because a book tells them to, and everyone else? They just hate because they don't understand, and instead of keeping to their own lives they love to butt into everyone else's and judge what they do with their personal lives like it's any damn thing to them.

I'm not a very secure person, honestly, but I'm not afraid to be who I am. Some people love me, some people hate me. There's generally very few who fall in the middle. The most important thing to realize is that there will always be someone who hates you for being you, regardless of anything else, and that it's easier to just say "fuck it" and be around those on the nicer end of the spectrum instead of wasting your time with ignorant haters.

I just really don't care anymore. People suck.

 

*sending lolcat-hug* (even if everything ISN'T fine, at least it's cats, and they are hugging... )

They will get it, at least a bit better, because there is a difference between europe and the states, europe and oz, sweden and europe.. so on. Some places more progressive then others.
Look at history, there is always one group that gets all the hate, jews, black people, romanis, sexual minorities, but as time goes, it becomes less and less socially acceptable to have open prejudice against these groups, or to even cathegorize them as groups..

So I still have hopes for it. Not for humanity in general, but I still think we have a margin and can get a teensy bit better.

I'm not afraid to be me either, or rather, it's not something I reflect upon. I'm just me, and I get so very surprised when I realize that some people might expect something completely different from me. I'm not insecure about who I am, but at those times of surprise I usually get quite insecure about how I'm percieved and if people actually like me (oh, they do. But still). Being bisexual never occured to me that it should be a problem. Oh boy, was I wrong.. Being intelligent is apparantly also a problem. As is having your own sexuality. Or being feminist. Funny world..

 

I never had any problem with bisexuality. My ex was like that, and I've been that way too. I look at it as just another preference one has.

I've never been threatened by a woman's bisexuality, although I've had some women who were somewhat wary of me being bisexual. I guess it's different for a man than it is for a woman. Society tells men how they're supposed to be, and any deviation from that means they're less than a man. Women don't get those same messages. They're seem as more nurturing, even towards each other, so to take that next step to intimacy would not seem much of a stretch. Plus, since men objectify women, the thought of women being intimate with each other it very titillating for men

 

Scylla, I would also like to offer you my solidarity, especially when it comes to female sexuality – while I don’t advocate promiscuity, I have a huge problem with women being called “whores” for enjoying their sexuality and for making choices to gratify themselves in a relationship.

And on being intelligent.. that certainly rings a bell with me. I’m sure you probably have experienced how hurtful and unfair it is to be called “too smart” or “too successful” by an older white man. I have had people (even one of my male bosses) openly say it in my face that “women only need to be beautiful” while I was doing loads of intellectual work for their enterprise. I have had to play down my intelligence and keep quiet about my degrees just in order not to “scare” a man. I know very well how you feel. The world is not fair, it’s very prejudiced. I think we as women just need to be more crafty about it.

And with being a feminist.. you’re bound to run into problems with that term outside Sweden/Scandinavia. That’s why I usually prefer terms like “masculinist”, “egalitarian” or “supporter of gender transition movement’.

 

Nah, feminism is not only accepted in Scandinavia. Hillary Clinton is a famous feminist and she did very well in our presidential election process. Now she is about to become Secretary of State.

 

I kinda hope they'll make her Secretary of State. How do you guys in the States feel about it..? She's received some bad rap over the years.. but I guess for that particular post you don't need to be extremely popular with the public.

 

I have to admit I am amused when a comparison is made between a small monolithic society like sweden compared to a very large, multi-cultural society like the US. In the US dealing with race, sex and ethnic issues is a real challenge because of the large population and diversity.

Although it has many problems, I think the US has led the way in these areas

 

Well that question is answered by the tremendous success she had and the millions of votes she received during the primaries.

 

I think the problem is, at least for some, that they are frightened (men) about the fact that a bisexual woman quite obviously has a sexuality they have no part of, and no control of. Either you then dispise it or you tell yourself that it is for you, anyway.

It's probably much harder to be bisexual for men, since male social structures are very.. well, it tends to gravitate to love everything male, the step from there to actually fall in love with males isnt that big, and I think that it scares the sh*t out of straight men.. it is such a paradox. hyping all masculine things, but just not too much. Its a pity, I almost know no bisexual men at all.

 

First step: Understand that you are oppressed and work from there. To quote a very filthy rich and succesful author of ours.. I keep saying I'm a feminist, there is no way I ever want to lie about it, it's the principle of the thing.. But I can see where you are coming from, and I definetly noticed that it's percieved as more radical outside of the scandies.

 

Yeah I know. But still, it's not like you are that progressive in general.
You've done a lot of good work in the states, and I know I can't compare our countries, that wasn't my point. But your last goverment wasn't really encouraging feminism..

I hope she becomes secretary of state too.. Obama has a good chance to create a sort of super goverment..

 

Like I said, I've already acknowledged that prejudice exists. But that doesn't mean I'm oppressed, I live in a free society. When I see prejudice I usually stand against it openly. I feel a feminist on many issues, I just don't feel the necessity to put a label on myself.

 

I hear you. Since I'm doing the hardcore feminism, I call myself a feminist.. anything else would be silly.. ^_^
I think I don't mean particularly you as an individual. I more meant women in general. I respect your angle anyhow.

 

And you can't really compare Europe and the States. There has always been a drift in ideologies between the two.

The US is very diverse – from the ultra conservative Midwest to people on the coast who are just as liberal as Europeans. The US deserves respect for being the leader of the Western civilisation.

However, the US is generally not as progressive as Europe. When Obama got elected, at the embassy here they were making a big deal about how "we now have gone so far as to have a black president and a WOMAN running for vice president". I just felt that remark was so out of place, since in our region we have already had female presidents, heads of the parliament and defence ministers. Latvia had a female president for 8 years. Norway had a female prime minister for many years in the 80s and 90s. There are female foreign affairs and defence ministers (executive power!). And the States has only had Condi Rice and Nancy Pelosi.

 

Ok, I respect yours too. But I acknowledge the men's rights and the men's perspective too.

 

Thats part of feminism. Nobody is out to take the rights away from anyone, just to get women equal rights as men. So no, it's a win win, i hope.
For me it's about respecting people, whatever gender, female, male, trans or inter. And looking after their rights to equal treatment by the law and by society. *blahblahblah* god, i say this waaay too often.

 

I would agree. Men seem to like bi/lesbian girls only when they are feeding the his sexual desires. Anything outside of that gets frowned upon

It's a very rigid social structure for men. It's just not okay to be anything other than 100% heterosexual. I just try not to be concerned with what others think about it. I know I'm a man. I don't have to prove it to anyone. All I can do is live my life and be myself. That's all that any of us can do

 

co-sign and general wooha, well said.

 

1) Angry all men are jackasses, world is against me syndrome - This is the biggest turnoff to me. If every man you've dated has been a jackass, that doesn't mean all men are. It only means you're attracted to jackasses. I will not date a woman who has this mentality, I've tried to 'fix' it., but later realized that it's not my job.

2) Ghetto - I lived in the ghetto, it was shit. I was ecstatic when my mother moved us out. I don't need a constant reminder of how shitty it was.

3) Glam Girls - Like on those MTV reality shows. They're fine to hang with in small doses on South Beach on a Friday night, but that's about it.

4) Music - Someone mentioned music earlier, and I definitely agree with that one. In my old age, I just cannot keep up with the music kids listen to these days. I can only listen to so much rap before I can't take it anymore. There is only so much a man can take of hearing another man talk about how he effed my bioootch in the back of his limo, because he got more money than me. Our taste doesn't have to be identical. I play guitar, so I listen to a lot of musicians who inspire me, ie., SRV, Hendrix and John Mayer. Just certain stuff that I cannot take.

5) Educated - Doesn't have to be college educated. I'm not college educated. I never liked school... it bored me. The inability to spell basic words and form basic sentences in a conversation is a must. AND, since we're on the subject, the word 'conversate' is annoying.