What's going on with you?

I have contacts and could probably link you to some quality fellows that would meet your profile at Fort Huachuca. There are nice balls with dancing on the base too. Just let me know.

 

Life is okay just now, I'm just down a little and I'm not really sure why. I guess it's partially isolation, which is no one's fault but my own because of my reluctance to let anyone into mine or Jake's life.

After watching the news so much like, in the last week, step dads have killed loads of kids so I'm nervous to death of initiating a formal relationship with my partner and Jake. I'm not even sure where things are going with Siji. We don't really see each other much because we're both so busy. I like him, I just don't want to be close with a guy just now, I think a guy will hold me back.

My big sister, who I've yet to meet (only found out about her and my other big sister a couple months ago - they're 26 and 28 - my dad forgot to mention he used to be married and abandoned his first family, I also have a twin sister and 2 other brothers) has had another heart attack. She's on medication and things are looking hopeful-ish. If she has to get the surgery she has 20% chance of survival. She's 26 and has a son who's 4 years old. I hope I don't have to see her for the first time in her casket. I would go visit her but she lives in Ipswich in England and is in a hospital in Cambridge. I don't think my other big sister would cope, her mum died earlier this year and her brother committed suicide afterwards.

I'm just feeling strange right now, I used to suffer from anxiety and a mild form of depression. I'm hoping I don't have to start taking the fluxoutine again. I hated that stuff. I think it's just this time of the year. Everything just keeps playing on my mind. I need to stop reading the newspapers and try to cheer up some more. I'm a happy person but I just keep feeling guilty for smiling when there's people out there suffering, people that are homeless and kids dying. It's hard to disconnect yourself from these things that happen - and I feel so damn helpless. Sure I donate money and volunteer but it just doesn't seem enough.

Other than that I went to see Dizzee Rascal on Saturday (UK grime artist), didn't really feel like going out afterwards so just went back to the hotel and slept then on Sunday went to see Kanye West's Glow in the Dark show. It was over hyped I thought. Good, but over hyped. Again, I felt guilty for trying to enjoy myself.

I sound so depressing.

 

Tired...

I've just been super tired lately . I work about 10, sometimes more, hours a day non-stop and I still find a way to push myself to go to the gym. I'm also currently studying for the LSATs which I plan to take for real this time (after putting it off 2 times already). My friend's birthday is today but we plan on going out to NYC this weekend to celebrate. Hopefully I will get some sleep today in order to rest up for then.

 

I'm glad you found out about your sisters, I know it's hard, but maybe you can call her at the hospital. My brother committed suicide about 4 years ago, it is hard for the family to cope with that type of a death and another one would be very hard on your other sister, I'll say a prayer for you all. Here's an angel to watch over you.:smt059

 

Now that's real sweet of you, Thanks!! I'm better now. Not so board. I think I'll be fine, but I'll let you know if I am ever in need of your "contacts"!

You still haven't answered my poll.

 

Got a C on my sociology test, which is epic good for me, since I've been a lazy shit this semester. Fell asleep in class today. Skipped my next class so I cloud go home and finish a beat. Now I'm watching Martin.

 

Thank you
It was hard, but it's good now. I'm going to my sisters wedding on new year. It was weird when I met the oldest one, I felt like I'd always known her and we had so much in common. Our dad doesn't really talk to any of us, well he abandoned them then when she found him 4 years ago he cut contact. So I really lost a lot of respect for him. Besides he's happy with his crazy ass wife and his money. Don't really want to upset his life so I just leave him to it. Glad to know about my sisters though They're amazing! Everyone thinks it would be hard but it hasn't been really. I didn't really speak to my dad much anyway so I didn't lose anything.

Sorry to hear about your brother. My brothers best friend killed himself a couple months back. Our famillies were really close so it was quite hard, especially for my brother. He was only 21 and seemed really happy. People said it was a drunken "mistake" and if he hadn't been drunk he wouldn't have but who knows.

 

I think mine and Siji's relationship might be over. We barely talk etc... and the one time he calls me he asks to stay over at mine... wait for it... because I live closer to the hairdresser and he has an early appointment. Not like "I miss you" or anything, simply because he wants to go get his motherfucking hair done.

I haven't really put much into this relationship and neither has he so I won't shed any tears. I don't think we really had chemistry. Yeah, I was attracted to him but there was/is no chemistry.

We'd only been together/have been together (not sure what tense to use just yet) for about 4 months. The relationship seemed silly from the start because I'm a busy person and so is he and he lives about an hour away. Which isn't bad, but when you are two busy people it is.

It's annoying because he was good with Jacob and a nice guy some of the time just little things he says annoy me... like he said he doesn't think making out with a girl is cheating, yet sex is. Urgh, and stuff like, cheating isn't that bad if you don't have feelings for the person. Well that's great thinking that but when you've been cheated on it's different. It's just annoying comments like that. I am all for having female friends but they like stay over at his place, even one of my best friends is always staying over at his place at the weekend. I know nothing is going on, but it's still annoying. He tries to act smarter than me and tries to make me look like an idiot even though I am smarter than him. He comes out with these stupid sarcastic comments to everything. Urgh, where are all the nice guys? He's just a bit insensitive.

Not sure if Mr Akinwale and I are over but time will tell. I just can't be bothered with the hassle. Maybe I should just stay single just now and worry about a relationship when the times right because I obviously can't commit to anything serious just now, and all the guys roughly my age aren't mature enough. Oh well, nevermind.

Rambling... sorry.

 

Lol I sometimes fall asleep in class, it's horrible because I'm like pulling my eyelashes so my eyes stay open. Never works. Usually fall asleep in complex communication/vocational skills. It's dreadful. I don't want to make any more reports

 

I don't see how you can be sure about this, especially given his comments about cheating. Your dad seems like a real winner, is he still with your mother now or a third wife? . His double rejection of your half-sister has to be difficult for her to take and will no doubt affect her self-esteem for life. Hopefully you and your half-sisters will be able to establish some sort of bond.

 

Oh my dad is on his 3rd wife now. She's not a nice woman, she's very jealous and spreads a lot of rumours about me. He's a successful guy, he works in oil so he has a lot of money and his wife thinks that we are just after his money although money means nothing to me. I just wanted a relationship with my dad. He left my mother when I was about 4, but he stayed in my life (somewhat) but now there's no contact, I got pregnant out of wedlock and when I was young and after that he didn't want anything to do with me because I was an embarrassment. Yeah, she definitely has low self esteem. I really like both of them though so I really want to establish a strong bond with them. They've shown me more love in the last few months than my dad has my whole life.

Yeah, with Siji I don't know really... I think I should care more than I do. I just think I'm too young to try to get into a serious relationship and I always seem to settle with someone who doesn't treat me right just because I'm scared of being alone I guess. I always want to be in a relationship and I really don't know why. I'm just focusing on college just now then going to worry about love when everything else is sorted.

 

That's fucked up that your dad doesn't want anything to do with you. You shouldn't worry about being in a relationship if you have to focus on school. Your kid and your education should be your main priority, especially since you're in college.

 

Maaaan, it's been a crazy night. Started out with an invitation to dinner for lasagne, then there was a drinking game and then we went to another apartment here in the complex and shit got crazy after that...woooow.

 

Fathers are overrated anyway.

 

Yeppers, I agree! I never had a father or met my father and it doesn't even cross my mind or bother me a bit. My mom gave him a choice to be a part of me and my twin sister's lives or pay child support and he chose the latter. Personally, I think that's just what's "normal" for me because I was just raised without one. So that's like "all I know" anyway. Soo... yea.

It is kind of weird though, because I also know I have 5 other half-brothers (my two half-brothers that share the same mom with me I grew up with and know them. That's why I said "other half-brothers") out there somewhere... :smt105

 

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I was raised with one, but he was a piece of shit, and I mean that. it's better to not have one than to have the one I had.

 

My heart goes out to all you ladies who didn't know a good man for a father. :smt056
There are some out there. My own daughter didn't get one either. But I've met a few, and my father was a very good man, still is pretty decent. (Just not my hero so much anymore.)

Don't be too angry with them, if you can help it, they usually are idiots, because no one showed them how to do the job. I know that's just an excuse sometimes but it helps to understand them.

My daughter is cool with her dad now, they'll probably never be close, but she has a great father-in-law, who treats her like a beloved daughter. She is real close to him.

 

Yea, from what my mom tells me my father (sperm donor) also drank a lot anyway. So I am even glad for it sometimes (that I never met him). I do think it's better to have no dad than a piece of shit father. Especially because it's not like we females need a dad (this coming from one who's never had one though) to teach us anything about being a woman.

 

My mom pretty much raised me. My dad had drug problems and couldn't keep a job because of it. I remember seeing needles in the bathroom after he was in there :smt086.

He wasn't a provider in any sense of the word. In fact, he would steal money and other things from us. I remember one time when I was 10, he took our VCR and traded it for drugs :smt086. It's pretty shitty when your parent does that to your family. He died in 1999 after being in a coma for 8 years due to his heroin use. I just with he wouldn't have thrown his life away, because he had a lot to offer. He just chose to do bad things

It was my mom who keep my family together. I love her with all of my heart

 

Not mine, so it's all good.8)