IR Kids

That's definitely true at times. In the area I live in, the assumption typically is that she's adopted. At the park I've been asked if I am doing foster care. I know I've come across some white men who are fine with the fact that I adopted a black child (not only fine but it puts me into some odd saintly category) but get very weird about the fact that I would date a black man.

FWIW - she is my own. I get what you are saying...just saying this in case you run across anyone who has adopted or is adopted. Many take major issue with people making a distinction between one's "own" or "real" or any of those terms.

 

KnCA, in my opinion, you are a saint! It takes a big heart and alot of love to adopt a child.

 

Well thanks. I appreciate that. When it comes down to it....all we have is love.

However, the truth is I adopted a child because I wanted to raise another child. Nothing saintly about it.

And truly, it is my privilege to be able to be her mother.

 

You're better off not having children by a BM..

Go to racist site bitch..that's where you belong..even if you know it or not..

 

Flaming, WTF?

Is that really necessary?

She's asking a valid question.

C'mon, now.

 

That was rather uncalled for. The lady does have a valid concern given the state of race relations in this country.

 

She can't treat a mixed baby like her white child..

hmmm

 

To be honnest- no I don't...
But I do understand your consern.

I might have been a little worried in the past, but then I realized having a mixed child have at least one huge pluss: All children wil be teased in some way one day. With a "normal" child, you dont know why- it might be that the child wears glasses, that it's chubby, that it's the dumbest one in the class, or that it's the teachers pet... one thngs for sure though, it'll most likely be for something you'd never think could be a "problem". With a mixed child, you know what will probably come up, and you have time to prepare it for the situation.

But it seems to me like the situation is much worse in the states than here. So perhaps you have more reason to worry? I do think that would depend on where you raise them though.

I'm fairly sure I have little reason to worry. I'm a secondry school teacher, in a very white school. However there are some coloured children there- in my classes there's 5 of wich two are mixed (out of 90 students I have on regulare basis). With so few minority children, you'd think they where bullied to the extreme- but it's certainly not so. The two mixed ones are by far the most populare kids in their classes. The other ones (one African two Persian) also do well. And if one student actually try to come with some racist remark, there'll just be a whole group of others there defending the insulted student imediately.

 

He'll be moving here first, after some years ,when we have all the kids we want, and they're old enough for me to feel sure they'll probably survive malaria (4-5years old) we're off to Cameroon.

I love Africa and all... but I just don't have the guts to live there with very young children...Better safe than sorry.

We'll definetly live both places- they'll be mixed and should know both their origins.

 

This is such a hard subject to talk about and make a decision on. My father tried to warn me about having mixed kids before I even had them. Saying things like "kids get picked on all of the time but yours will have one more reason to be picked on". That used to make me sick. He's right about kids getting teased, there's no doubt about that. I learn, with them, everyday about facing racism and what it is like to not be white. Everytime they have had a racial issue (or other kids having a racial issue with them I guess I should say) I've tried to think hard about how to deal with it before I take any action. I ask my husband and we, together, try and explain why this particular situation is happening. I don't go into depth about slavery and racism because at 7 and 9 my kids are not old enough to truly understand. Eventually I will have to do that though. They, my kids, know that not all people in the world are nice/good people and some people are mean for no reason. They are just wired that way on the inside and there's nothing we can do about that. I tell them to stay away from these people and not pay them any mind. I don't know how else to tell them someone is just basically, a racist asshole. I don't want to teach my kids that most white people are racist and most black people won't like their mother because she's white and married to a bm. I'm not filling their heads full of that shit because I don't want them already stereotyping a whole race. We have enough of that in the world today. It completely infuriates me when I hear that some kids has called my kids n---ers or something of the sort. I want to go ring their little necks. I have to stop and think, these are kids, they don't even really know what they are saying. WTF are their parents doing????? I can just teach mine the way I feel best and pray for the other kids.

I agree, flaminghetero is out of control. You do have valid concerns for your children and that's completely understandable. Don't feel bad.

 

Fuck you, hetero.

I never said I wouldn't treat a mixed child as well as a my white daughter. What I did was bring up the very valid point that a white person can never truly know what it's like to be black - and then further expressed fear that a lack of knowledge in that area might affect my ability (not my intention or effort) to parent well.

You need to slow your ass down and read what people are saying before banishing them off to racist site. You don't know jack about me - and the little you might have discerned if you were able to comprehend my posts would show I belong here.

 

WOW I missed that post by Flaming... I can't believe he would say something like that.
He obviously has issues which are way beyond a post he simply doesn't agree with..

Sorry Funny that you had someone step to you like that.
I for one think that you asked a very valid question not many parents of IR kids dare to ask. It's funny how we as WW often hear on this site how we can maybe relate but not really fully understand the issues of Black men and women in the US, yet if we dare say something to that extend an unqualified post such as Flaming Hater-o comes along...

 

somebody else used to use that term racist site...hmmm...very interesting...

fsp...i think you have to consider the source...no one better than yourself knows what you are capable or not capable of doing...one thing i know for sure is that many women kick into survival mode when things get tough...the strong come out even stronger than before knowing that no matter what obstacles are presented...we shall overcome...the fact that you are putting thought into this before having children shows a deep sense of awareness...many just have the kids and deal with it when the time comes...

flaming... :smt018 shame on you

 

Well said!

 

I'm biracial and although my mother is the black one (which for me, worked out great...I never had a hair issue!), my father struggled to deal with all the things that little black kids deal with; and I echo the sentiments of those who said you will raise a black child--it's racially unfair, but true, although I am very pale, I am black and people treat me as such. The only advice I can give you as a biracial child myself is to try and understand our differences: we are not white children, so you can't treat us as such, but please don't try to shove the African American culture down our throats, we will learn just like every other child, this is a mistake I think the other race parent always makes: they are way to gung-ho about trying to make us learn black culture, etc. Also, please if you have a little girl, learn to do her hair! I cannpt stress this enough! My cousing have a white mother, and they stayed looking a mess until they were about 13, when my mother finally stepped in and told her they needed to go see a hairstylist. And if you have a little black boy, understand he can't grow his hair out like little white boys can; he needs to get his hair cut or something...I'm sorry about that little tirade; it just drives me crazy to see young interrarcial kids looking crazy...

 

I have to disagree there, there is never too early a time to talk to your black children about racism and slavery they make books that make it relatable to young children...please educate them on this crucial matter. I'm not having a go about your parenting style, I, as an interracial child, loved the fact that my mother knew the importance of my knowing African American history.

 

Yes, I have worried about that before. However, my man is also mixed (his father is 1/2 white so he's kind of mixed) so I think if I can't fully relate then he might.



( Sorry BMJ :smt019 )

 

I have mixed race children and this is an issue ive never worried over, colour does not matter when understanding things about your children because they are your CHILDREN as a parent it should come naturally.

I dont doubt my ability to parent them because im white and there black, but i think people may worry more depending on where you reside with your kids, ie somewhere with a lot of racial tension.

But to ref another post, kids get picked on for any reason at school its just the way it is, for instance i was picked on by a black boy at school and one of his favourites to a long list was "Milk Bottle" i was a very pale kid when younger. And i was picked on because of my name because it was long and a tiny bit unusual or just because i wasnt a kerry, vicky or a samantha there was always tons of them lol getting picked on is part of school.

I dont see myself as parenting differently to women with white kids, but then off course i dont compare myself