Learning their language

I have a question for you all...
If you have ever had (or still do) a partner with a different native language - have you learnt it? Do you think it's important?

I made a huge effort to start learning the native language of my ex. I thought it was important as it showed my respect. It also meant that I could function in his country if we ever went there and his family could see that I had respect for them and their culture. I would be offended if it was the other way around and he made NO effort at all and showed NO interest.

What is every one else's experience.

My ex didn't really care and didn't make a huge effort to help me. Other people from his country I've spoken to say "don't worry - it's not a useful language"...I don't really think that's the point. And besides, surely any 2nd language is better than not having a second language?

 

My ex-husband spoke Bambara. I asked him to teach me something but he didn't. The only word I remember is "musow" - woman. Also I know "farafina" - Africa. A few other words I knew, but I forget them now. It was just one of the ways in which he distanced me from himself... why the relationship ultimately didn't work out. He also spoke fluent French, and I wanted to practice my French with him too, but he preferred English.

 

tried it but didnt get the back up

Once upon a time i felt just the way you did that it would be important that we could communicate in his native tongue put him at his ease but the trouble is i didnt actually get any encouragment from himself! I think he actually liked being able to do something i couldnt as hes from cameroon they either speak english or a heavey dialected french which is nearly unrecognisable to me as french which only made it harder as i hated french in first place and a more complicated version made it harder to swallow. I think the next time i would put myself to such an effort is if my partner really wanted to help me out with getting to grips with it and it made a difference to him. I couldnt give a rats arse about trying to impress family been there done that doesnt get u looked on with anymore regard it would hav to be something i did for us!! but yeah if the guy was gonna give me a hand then that makes it something id want to do again. i think we must be one off few who would make an effort to do so though. x

 

When I got married my ex didn't speak English and I wasn't fluent in Spanish, so I got fluent real quick. It did seem to make him proud. He would always brag on me in front of his peers as to people not being able to tell I wasn't Mexican. But it didn't really help any real efforts at communication, as he still didn't communicate well period.

It helped me to communicate with his family, and I guess that was OK. I am glad I learned Spanish now, but not because of him. It's just always an asset to know another language.

Now I want to learn French and German. I just haven't had the time to focus on them.

 

It's a sign of respect

I speak my beau's home tongue. Well enough anyway to have a regular polite conversation, participate in jokes, and go out and about to shop etc.

Everyone speaks English but I think it is a nice sign of respect to make an effort.

He was enthusiastic about me learning. At first though it just started accidentally- people would visit him and ask him to pass something and I would just automatically do it, not really realising they hadn't spoken English.

Spending time in their country though is what really will help.

I love languages and love learning new things, most of his friends and people he meets find it hilarious, they don't seem to expect it somehow.

Language is intrinsically linked to culture and it is really a good way to know each other more deeply.

Instead of rolling my eyes when my man and his friends spoke their own language (as some white girls I have seen seem to do) I just went about my business and kept my ears open. At first, I didn't let on how much I understood except to him.

If you are open and relaxed they are more likely to include you, anyway,and to be able to do so is a good way of beating homesickness. Of course, people might use another language to say something cheeky (and now that I speak it that can have funny results!) but people do that all the time anyway in other ways- by lowering their voice, etc.

 

My man doesn't have a language because of just this : his parents didn't think it would be useful. It's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard, but it's also quite sad.

Only French and English were spoken at their home. He speaks some pidgin though, since that's what people speak on the streets and in the school yards. I've picked up some pidgin, and I will learn French- eventually.

If he spoke an african language I'd absolutely try to learn it.

 

I would only learn a language if there was some practical value to picking it up. I once dated a woman from Sweden who insisted that her future husband learn Swedish, so he could communicate with her mother. If he chose not to learn it, he gets to a.) not devote time to learning a language that virtually no one speaks outside Sweden and b.) be permanently separated from having to speak with his mother-in-law. haha, fuck me!!

 

I agree with her 100%.

If you're in an inter-cultural relationship, you need to have a basic understanding of the other persons culture and family background. Learning the language is an important part of that.

If you don't understand the other persons culture, the relationship is doomed. It's as easy as that. That would mean learning your partners language is of practical value in itself (if you love your partner), no matter how small the language is.

There's no way I'd marry someone who didn't want to learn my language.

 

Just wanted to say go for the german thats one of the things im doing at college now and its such fun and not nearly as hard as french! started a 2 year 12 credits course in september and its the class i love going to. Good luck x

 

Perfectly put.

Edited to add- if you have children, it's ideal if they can learn about their own culture and background through the language too.

Many little ones get trotted home to Africa in the school holidays and become upset and frustrated as the other kids tease them because they don't understand.

It's an important way to teach them about their food, their family history, etc.

 

TY

And I agree with you too. Teaching any "bi-cultural" children both their parents languages is very important in order for them to know both their roots.:smt045

 

Its unusual that a cameroonian has just french and english my husband for all his problems could actually speak german and a bit of spanish aswell as french and english very overly multi lingual but that must just be my impression i always saw the parents as kind of pushy with benchmarks sometimes to high for there kids.

 

Well; my hb has very unusual parents

Their opinion was, and still is, that many Africans speak many languages, but does it rather poorly. So they wanted to focus on just a few languages, and instead make sure their kids spoke them well.

Also, they think that in order for their children to advance academically and career-vice they need to have perfect English/French (but especially English), and hence teaching them other languages is a waste of time.

And they think the local languages separate people, and hinders Africa in proceeding.

Sadly this is not a completely unknown phenomenon amongst African intellectuals. They even had a program about it on Africa have your say a few months ago.

 

will definitely try to find that program just wanted to tell you about a channel 4 documentary i watched last year about cameroonian women in law it really gave you an insight into how things are done in court with family law and so on. there was a poor woman trying to divorce the husband that beats her and the judge made inappropriate sexual comments ref the wife like she was not even there! it was horrendous these people were not halfwits they were decent people and that actually made me feel worse. Im not just saying watch this because its bad im saying watch and realise the struggle there women have everyday for equality as someone who could potentially live there one day i think you should.
ps its not boring its very interesting viewing and was made in 2006 so quite recent xx

 

heres the adress to look up that documentary Ronja www.wmm.com/sistersinlaw/about.htm
browsing through the site reminded me how innovative these blk women are ur like it.

 

No offence, but I already know the situation of women in Cameroon. It's pretty much the same as it is for women all over Africa, with one exception: women in Cameroon can- theoretically- take their cases into the official courts and win. Cause by official laws men and women are equal, and has been since 1948. However, equality is not what is normally being practised.

My mother in law is a midwife. She's used much of her life fighting traditions like FGM and breast ironing. She's now retired, and her daughter (the dr.) continues in her mother's footprint. I'm extremely proud of them.

Looks like a cool documentary though. I'll definitely try to get it. And send a copy to Cameroon. Thanks for the tip.

 

They had the movie on Amazon

And that also gave me a perfect excuse to buy some more children's books.


So: Thank you!!!!

 

I'm glad my parents were pushy with high hopes for their children.

 

Yeah definitely big fan of amazon myself but i prefer to buy any book in the bookstore its one of my favourite things to go into waterstones and handle the books like a little treat for myself lol recently bought a treasury of stories for my son thats got all the old classics in near original form it was around £23 pounds but it goes in age stages its fantastic its not a chore to read.
ps you will love the docu its at least one that doesnt make the women look helpless left me feeling excellent respect for those that are tackling it head on.

 

Yeah but kids should be allowed to be kids give them time to show a natural ability just nurture them. You cant fit a square peg in a round hole without breaking it my beautiful son shows a nack for art even at the age of 5 his ability has been commented on at school im thrilled he has a talent even more thrilled because hes mid range on the autistic spectrum kids need a certain amount of free direction to feel independent even teenagers i think if you let the natural come out your get yourself a well adjusted adult. everything is so competition based these days we forget what its like to be just a kid do kids stuff. My boy actually brings home 3 pieces off homework a week im fine with 2 pieces of it and its definitely not about the time i need to put into it with him! the 3rd piece is a brainbuilder piece more scocial if u ask me but it actually gets marked in a points system and every term there is a winner this makes me feel uncomfortable about the competition element pitting 5yr olds against each other. i know i sound overtly sensitive but since when did a 5yr old need to win anything surely just being 5 is the best prize ever! I did mention this in the mass parents homework meeting and was not the only person who felt uncomfortable but they didnt like to say anything untill someone else mentioned it!.

If anyone else is reading this dont you think every child should be nurtured not shoved surely it will yield better results.
want to say though just because these are my beliefs i do not lack rules and respect in the house. Yes lets have hopes for our children but let them be there own achievements not ours.