Too shy to approach

Hi,
I'm a 21 yo white woman and I feel attracted to black men. I grew up in an almost all white community, so haven't really have any black friends. In public I am too shy to approach them. Sometimes in bars I think I can do it this time, but freak out at the last moment that maybe its not safe. (also worried what my girlfriends might think)

Do any of you have advice?

 

Don't worry about what your friends think if your friends think less of you because of the color of the skin or your man forget them! They aren't your real friends! Follow what you long for, don't listen to everyone be yourself.

 

I was like you, but trust me, go for it, it is soooo worth those extra few steps!! Good luck!

 

well i'm so shy... what should i say if i want to approach?

 

A good thing that always breaks the ice is when you initiate the conversation be funny and witty safe jokes that won't cause controversy. Just be yourself, say hello stuff like that make it casual don't let him know you are hitting on him just more introduce yourself.

 

You're a woman and a so-called "hottie", aren't you being approached all of the time?

 

You don't need to approach the guy just bat your eyelashes and all the other lovely stuff that girls do and he should come over to you
I am old fashioned and I prefer the guy to come to me but you can't expect someone to come over if you're not even looking, even throw him a smile!
That way you're not really being rejected, not that you would be but nothin' worse than rejection.

 

Yeah. I'm I gut, and If I see a girl giving me the look, I'm going to talk to her. Being shy means you'll end up leaving the bar alone. So give the look and most likely a guy will approach you..

 

If you are going to bars with a wide variety of people then it is obvious the bar hoppers are open-minded. If you are so concerned on what your girlfriends might think, it may be time to create a new circle of girlfriends who are not so closed minded on things. Possibly you’ve heard something from them in which you are so reluctant to approach a guy around them?

Nevertheless, I find most Women who want to experiment tend to do so solo. It enables them to express their thoughts more freely without anyone looking over their shoulders.

I am not recommending venturing to bars alone. However, shopping is a different matter. Take the path train and do some window-shopping in NYC. Browse around the city and when you find something you like, ask a question. Guys are more tolerant when a girl is requesting assistance. Ask where Saks 5th Avenue is, or Lord & Taylor just to break the ice. Once you have him talking use your feminine charm and reel him in.

It is the oldest trick in the book and, usually works providing he finds you attractive. I’ve seen all types of Women use this method to get a guys attention.

Flirting in retail shops is pretty much a standard so do keep that in mind.

Whatever you do, don’t pretend to be something you are not in order to make him feel comfortable when holding a conversation. If you are one of those girls that are heavily into Hip Hop and speak in such a manner on a day-to-day basis, fine. If you are more into Alternative, fine. If you are into Trance, fine. However, the biggest mistakes I’ve seen American Women do is change their whole speech pattern when venturing outside their element. It can backfire on you if the person doesn’t fall within that type of demographic with the end result of you losing your chances on whoever caught your eye.

Cheers!

 

I wished you have taken the courage to come to the brother since he caught your eye and the ones you don't want to hang with are just giving the usual game. Wished more WW in the US have that approach. I'm a bit shy myself and pleased that those very few WW who took the time to come to me.

 

youre still shy at that age??..lol..

you should learn to insult women. They will like you way better, and it might amplify you in terms of self esteem...

 

Oh so that's why you like to insult women BMJ? working on your self-esteem?

 

ladies... what do you think i should wear that attracts black men the most?

 

Hey girl! I am shy too. Its no thing, don't worry. Look at the man you are interested in get eye contact and just say, "Hi." He will take care of the rest if he is interested.

 

Just wear what -you- like.

It's one thing to wear something different to catch a man's attention, but only do it if you like what you're wearing. Being fake is the worst way to start a potential relationship.

Unless you're just looking to get laid, then wear anything skimpy. Show off your tits, and if you've got an ass, wear them jeans that show it off. Nice legs? Wear skirts. etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum.

Just talk to the guys. I get shy sometimes, myself (though it tends to confuse people, since I don't appear shy at all) yet if I want to talk to someone I can always find some excuse. If you're a smoker, and you see a cute guy smoking, ask if he has an extra cig. I had a guy who saw me light one up and asked to use my lighter, which turned into a conversation, which led to him getting my number (he was quite the charmer) and later when we went out he confessed he'd had a lighter already, he just wanted to talk to me and saw an opening.

If you're waiting on the bus, just say "Hey, do you know what time the "insert bus number here" will go by?" or whatever.

Use the tricks guys use on us. If you like his clothes, compliment him.

The main point to remember is just talk to the guy. You might get nothing more than a brief conversation, or you might end up with a phone number...but you'll never know unless you try.

Unless you want to just wait around for a guy to approach you. I get approached all the damn time, mostly by black guys. Apparently there's something about the way I walk, and the fact that I have a big ass, that tends to attract them. And I know, cause I've asked "What exactly was it that made you want to talk to me?" and 9 times out of ten I get "You just have such a confident walk" and "Well, I'm not going to lie, you have such a nice booty" or something similar.

I dunno if it'd work for you, but if you wanna wait for them to approach you then wear something you really like, something you feel sexy in that doesn't look majorly slutty (again, only if you're -not- looking to just get laid. Otherwise go for slutty but expect people to think you're a hooker if you go too far with it.) practice your "I'm the shit" walk and just strut off somewhere, whether it be a restaurant, mall, or whatever. Just somewhere public with lots of different people. If you see a guy you think is cute, smile at him. A smile does wonders, and often loosens up even the shy guys and makes em wanna come talk to you, cause it's a big tip off that you're interested. Otherwise just walk where ever you're going with your head held high and a little swing in your step, and pretend you have a boyfriend and you're not looking for another one. They'll flock to you, though I don't think there's anything that can really promise only black guys will approach you, unless you head to the hood and dress like a hoodrat, but unless you're looking for a thug I wouldn't suggest that.

Black guys are just like other guys...some like you, some don't, and unless you're going to bite the bullet and strike up a conversation with one you like, then you're just going to have to pray it's a gorgeous black man and not a white one that approaches you. It's not like there's any ultimate standard, any one thing -every- black guy is going to be looking for in a chick. They're all different just like we are, chica. I mean, if you're looking for a thug, then dress like girls in hip hop videos. If you're looking for a cutie in a suit and tie, maybe dress a little more professional. I mean, if you really wanna go against how you personally prefer to dress just to get the attention of a guy, then figure out what kind of guy you want, not just what color guy you want. Then once you've got that figured out, just go talk to a black guy that fits the look that you're going for, though I always find it far better to just "do me". I'd rather have a guy who likes me for who I am, not some front I'm putting up just to attract someone. So if he's cool with my sense of style, ok, but the furthest I'll go to "changing" the way I dress to impress a guy is maybe dressing up a bit, but that's me. I like to dress up.

 

BMJ, using that suggestion is going to a minefield. Some women like bad boys and hate good guys. Whoever the person who wrote the words of the song "A Meeting in the Ladies Room":'Don't slap me,I'm not in the mood' does not know how to treat a female.

 

i dont know what kind of black guy i want! lol... thug or cutey... im not sure. i just think it would be well, hot to date a black man but i never been with one.

i have an idea what i could probly wear i hope they like pink heels...

 

We like pretty feet and pedicures too.;-)

 

Please wear something nice. A lot of WW who like BM dress all tacky and ghetto.

 

Let me offer you some assurance from a man's perspective. Any man with class would simply be flattered by any advance or approach you might make. Although men and women share the same concern for rejection, some of us men(particularly if married) don't want to offend you by mistaking your kindness for a true flirtation or advance. If we are wrong about your intentions, we run the risk of ruining our reputations or otherwise causing an unwanted loss of respect. A WW could make even the strongest advance and men would either accept or reject it, but almost never make fun of you or otherwise criticize you about your advance. We would simply move on with you or without, but there would be no additional damage or hurt feelings either way. I suffer not from shyness, but from wanting to be a gent, so I would welcome certain and clear advances from white women. If nothing else, you will have lifted our spirit. Not sure how the younger guys feel, but that is the perspective of a 4o something man. Go for it, dear.