why it hurts to see us together

I had an interesting conversation with a bm friend of mine the other night. He told me he understood why people on either side of the black/white divide are offended by IR relationships. He said, "Think about it, in the black and white community, which gender is more cherished and celebrated? Who is more coddled and protected? Black men and white women!"

In my experience as a ww, I can say this is true. In my experience as a teacher at a mostly black high school, parents (mostly mothers) are very protective and proactive in their sons' lives. Come to think of it, I've never had a parent/teacher conference that has involved a female student.

What is your opinion?

 

I think you may be partly correct, but I think the main reason(s) why Black men dating/marrying White women is hurtful to some, is because of their own insecurity. For those White men, they perceive it to be a direct affront to their manliness/masculinity and for those Black women, it is an implied statement that they are not "good enough."

Both reasons are security issues, when in fact they should be non-issues.

-Rene

 

I think it's the other way around as far BM are concerned in the equation. Since when are black men, in general, "celebrated", "cherished", "coddled" and "protected"? Black men have to put up with the most shit hands down from everyone else in society including black women. Lately, it's becoming increasingly acceptable for black women to pursue white men and loudly proclaim their preference while black men catch hell for dating interracially. The double standard on that issue is MASSIVE from what I've seen in the black community and "mainstream" American culture and I'm really getting sick and tired of it. As for the notion of white men getting the shit end of the stick on this issue, .

Sorry, I don't agree.

 

Let's not forget the so-called, fake-ass Black 'intellectuals' and 'psychologists' who scold other Black men for dating interracially.

 

Or the Terry McMillans and Tyler Perrys of the entertainment industry who make millions by shitting all over black men in their work.

 

After Smooth and Raocha, I've got nothing to add. My mom didn't get the "protective/proactive" memo.

 

Bro, your words are always welcome. Always make sense.

 

Rinnaye's post was great too.

 

Nah Karma,

You be the one that is always keeping it real, and coming with the truth around these parts. I'm just trying to show myself worthy to be in the same room with the rest of ya'll.

But honestly,

I personally believe White women, and Black men, are the least insecure of the two in our respective races, and neither of us (WW/BM) give too many damns about who has what to say about who we choose to be with, and that's why we don't have the burden of being insecure about our choice in a companion.

 

Actually...I see csbean's point about black children...boys vs. girls. Black mothers are generally much tougher on their daughters; they expect their girls to be self-sufficient and thick-skinned because the mothers feel that their baby girls may struggle in finding a man to marry later in life.

(white women of all socio-economic levels can find a man..whether he's a good man or not...black women for various reasons can never be sure what they will find)

Black women tend to "love their sons" and "train their daughters"...which is part of the reason there is a persistent gap on college campuses between the number of black men and black women. Get on a bus or train and check out all of the well dressed black boys with brand new haircuts, stylish jeans and shirts and $100 sneakers. Unfortunately...more often than not...those cute little 5 and 6-year olds can't even read or do simple addtion or subtraction. Nothing is being put into their head...the only thing these mothers (often young mothers) know how to do is tell the child to shut up and be quiet when the child's natural curiosity is piqued and he wants answers to life's enduring questions.