30+ and i've never had a girlfriend--

I'm in the southeast michigan area, I consider myself in the market for a girlfriend, but, well, I tend to have a lot of anxiety in social situations, I was a "nerd" as a kid, girls weren't into me..
needing tips for meeting folks, trying to get out of depression, etc. :?

 

Post a picture, see what happens.

 

cosign:

And you're in Michigan too, man I was just in Detroit during the time of The Woodward Ave Dream Cruise, after that, I've come to the conclusion that women in Michigan seem to be very open about I/R dating.

 

The easiest way is to just "do you." If you meet a woman while your doing something you enjoy (at the gym, beach, bookstore, church) then your already half way home because that means the two of you already have something in common. After that, smile, be friendly, and just try to get over your fear of rejection. (Its perfectly natural. Everyone has it.)

Good luck.

 

Man, I'm in the same boat as you are. I'm 26 and from Detroit (though I live in Phoenix). I'm shy as well, but because I'm always working, I don't have time to go out and meet people. I wasn't what you call a nerd, though more of a "dork"--as in being naive, not acting out any stereotypes--including ebonics and not being an athlete. Just be yourself--I can't give any advice but the other guys can't be wrong.

 

need first date ideas- help?

i'm just started email correspondence with someone--

she wants to know what my 'ideal' date might be like

i need brainstorming tips, for ideas, something simple, where we could talk out in the open, not necessarily a whole lot of noise.. i know a movie is out--bad idea--

coffee shop? is a museum too much?

can someone help?

:?:

 

30 and no girlfriend, damn that's rough.

The first thing you have to work on is building up your confidence, but I'm not sure what that would entail for you?

 

Re: need first date ideas- help?

I don't think a museum is too much, but for me that'd be a perfect first date, since I'm an artist.

If you aren't sure of her interests yet, just go with a coffee shop afternoon date. It's nice and casual, so the pressure isn't as high, and it gives you both the chance to get to know each other better over life-giving caffeinated beverages.

Going to a park is always nice, and romantic if you hit it off. Not to mention the best part: free!

Though if she's asking you about -your- ideal date, then maybe you should just tell her what you wrote here. Something simple, not too loud, casual enough that you can speak freely but not too intimate (like a movie night at home). Then throw out a few things that interest you.

I can't speak for all girls, but I personally like simple, but thoughtful, dates. If a guy asked me out to a museum, because he listened when I talked about my passion for art (as I do often!) I think I'd swoon.

Good luck!

 

Does this hate color your views about rape with regards to women?

 

lol...30+ and never dated???

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA

man,,,,i needed that laugh,,,,thanks

With that being said, i too was a nerd, well maybe not your average nerd because i ran track, played rugby, cricket, tennis etc....so i was also a JOCK. However,mentaly i wasnt willing to abide to any group. People usually followed me or i was on my own.........I studied a lot and made sure to be on the up in terms of physics and maths,,so i was obviously a nerd.

But this is what i did. Simple tactic really:::

1) start working out,,,not for women
2) Work on yourself>play sports>Join the UFC
3) Make a few female freinds
4) Let it go.......yes,,,whatever is killing you inside , just let it go, lifes too short to worry whether some broad will say yes or no
5) THINK,,,,tell jokes. Girls like it when a guy is unpredictable. If you see a girl, and you start talkin to her. Chances are she already thinks you'll ask her number. Well, this is what you do....tell a REALLY GOOD joke about her dress or make up (dont make fun)...and make her laugh, and as soon as you got her on her toes,,ask if she has a cell phone,,,and if she says yes,,,DONT ASK FOR HER NUMBER....just walk away....this will make her want you more
6) Remember that YOU,,are the prize to be won....YOU should get to pick and choose which woman YOU want in YOUR fuckin life.,.....dont fuckin sit around crying like a baby...
7)Quit supplicating women or putting them on a pedestal.., what are you some kinda sissy??? Man the fuck up and quit being a fuckin wussie!!!

I hope that helped...lol

 

it did-- confirming that i'm likely doomed, regardles.. :wink:

 

Try it Hype,things could go your way.

 

Re: need first date ideas- help?

Start reading your local newspaper everyday. There are tons of free concerts, parks, events, exhibits, etc that go on in the cities. This is where singles go. Find what interest you and then you can meet people with the same interests.

Plus by reading the newspaper, you will have stuff to talk about when you do meet someone.

But whatever you do, dont fake the funk. If you arent a runner, dont join a morning run and find someone who is. Cause pretty soon you are gonna loose interest and they might in you.

I think part of peoples problems today is we use the internet as our "community" and cut ties to our real local community. There is no substitute for getting out a mingling in your own backyard.

 

If you like politics, call the DNC and tell them you want to volunteer. Lots of cuties working on the grassroots level. And they tend to be more of the educated, intellectual sisters unlike the local bar flies.

 

Listen all you need to is get on chat lines and talk to women. You need to build up your confendence. You can talk to women in a low risk envoriment. check out live links etc.

 

heh-- i'll try almost anything at this point.. :?

 

Hi, Hypestyle. Since you are a self-proclaimed shy guy, I was wondering if you would mind giving me a little insight into the shy guy's mind. I've recently met a shy guy that I like a lot. He has told a mutual friend of ours that he thinks that I'm pretty and that he would like to get to know me better. We text and email frequently, but face to face interaction is rare because of distance and our demanding jobs. I'm a very outgoing person, and I don't have a problem asking him out or letting him know that I'm REALLY into him. (My heart races just when I think about him. :smt055) However, since he is so shy, I'm afraid that I'll 'scare' him off if I'm too aggresive. I know that you can't speak for him, but how would you respond to a woman pursuing you??

 

Even though I may not as shy as Hype,I hope he can give you more details. In my case if a girl asks me for a dance I would not hesitate. A very few do but it was great when it happens.

 

hi there, girligirl..

thanks for asking--

well-- I guess from my vantage point, at this point in my life I wouldn't be offended at all by someone approaching me-- in the past, simply put, I was too nervous.. every girl I had a crush on, I never told.. I can remember back when I was a kid and someone hipped me to the notion that someone 'liked me' (wasn't that often) I just shrugged it off like "you can't be serious".. I really didn't know how to react, so I just dismissed it out of my mind entirely.. part of it was the fear that for a girl to be 'interested' in me it had some elaborate, cruel joke; the other fear was given the fact that I didn't converse much, she'd get extremely bored and/or annoyed with me and be really convinced that I'm 'just a geek/weirdo' anyway..

...especially once I became an adult, not having a car for several years was a bummer, I tried to avoid being anywhere late at night (i.e., bars, clubs), since I'd likely be looking at walking home (Detroit-area public transportation sucks badly)..

--- I think getting over the potential for rejection is kind of the sticking point-- for as much as it may mean little to many folks, it's devastating for shyer types, as it comes across as yet another confirmation that people/women don't think much of you.. and there's the added risk of being overly enthusiastic with a woman who's simply being friendly/making conversation.. when that invitation to coffee or flirty dialogue is mistaken for genuine attraction/interest, that can be extremely awkward, and for many of us there's the fear of coming across as 'desperate'- on top of that, getting turned down by someone who clearly just sees us as a buddy/nice guy can have lingering internal embarrassment every time you see/hang out with them..

So, again, at this point, I wouldn't mind being approached or nudged.. :wink:

 

Hey Hype since you lived in Detroit there is Windsor Canada. Are the clubs there are as good as the ones over there?