Friends influenced by your preference and vice versa.

Hey everyone,
I wanted to check if anyone else has experienced this. Since I let my close friends know my preference for white women, some have also admitted being more open since I brought it up.

I also have a group of black male friends (2 guys) that exclusively dated WW before me, I wasn't interested nor understood why they did, until later on. So was I also influenced by them?

Is this the same experience for WW and other black guys on here?

 

Hi! Good question…I have a close friend who is married to a Ugandan. I don’t think we influenced each other though. It was more like a similar parallel development. I do have a highly exogamous (to people
of various backgrounds) group of friends though, so I guess we did encourage each other to believe it can work out.

 

Hey Madeleine! Hope you're doing great this week.

That's good, I'd say growing up in London made being around people of different backgrounds mandatory lool.
But it's good to hear others helping each other, I'd guess it normalizes it further when there's social proof of Interracial.

 

True, if you live in London all the above is a no-brainer.
We had a school exchange with our partner school in London in year 10. Through my exchange partner I got to know a guy (her cousin). After I returned we started a harmless little high-school romance type of thing (mostly long distance, but visited twice). He was Iranian. Had a ton of issues, was better for me to get out of it. London was nice though, I miss it. Never visited again for the past 20 years.

 

High schools doing long distance ? Ahaha that's tough. You should definitely take a quick trip to London again, definitely changed since you were last here.

And on the topic, social media and sites like this probably influenced me more to be more open. It took me a few weeks, but I was able to convince a friend of mine last year to date white girls when he was strongly against it before and now he regrets not trying sooner.

 

No, high school wasn’t long distance, only the relationship was. Thankfully it didn’t last long.

That’s interesting. Why was your friend strongly against it?

 

Apologies, my spelling, I meant high schoolers* doing long distance relationships lol.
Just the racial politics, he wasn't sure it was right for him to date out. A lot of black guys share the same sentiment, worried about how their community views it, especially in America, he currently lives in Florida.

 

LOL, yeah it was nonsense.


Sometimes people try so hard to please others. My husband has a very good friend who is a Yoruba guy who was born and grew up in Germany. The man is just so German, he’s more German than myself. He always calls me Nigerian woman because I’m the more Nigerian one between the two of us lol. Even his English has a German accent. His mum brought him up (dad is late) with the idea he has to marry a Yoruba woman. Now the problem is where to find a Yoruba woman in Germany, especially in the area he was living. For him it would have meant going back to Nigeria to pick out a girl he barely knew and get married. The whole thing just didn’t make any sense. Even his mentality and culture and everything wouldn’t have matched because like I said, the guy is just too German. My husband kept talking to him and in the end he married a German woman. His mum broke contact with him for a long time, didn’t come to the wedding etc
He did a medical internship in Lagos. While he was there the mum collaborated with her people to pull all types of tricks on him to get him married to a Nigerian woman. That’s when he was already engaged to the German girl. I’m glad your family is not that dramatic.

 

ha! Honestly what did she expect? She raised him in Germany!
But she will come around to it. especially with grandchildren. Are your inlaws great with you?

And Yes my family don't care at all, except hear this, my Dad has said to my sisters they can date anyone but never marry igbo men,
He said I'm allowed to marry igbo women because. I'm a man, but he's afraid igbo families are very tribal and wouldn't treat my sisters well, that's something yoruba people share for some reason. I was raised in Europe, so I don't care for all that tribal stuff.

 

Again we see that cultural differences/similarities a more important than color.
I remember my mother used to ask me if my new bf spoke French. Even before asking me from which country his origin.

 

They have been married for a long time now, I think about 14 years with 3 kids. She’s still doesn’t have a good relationship with the daughter in law but sees the son and grandchildren every now and then.

Interesting what your dad said to your sisters. It’s definitely some tribalistic stuff because I’ve also heard Igbos advice against marrying Yoruba. At the same time Nigerians are also more tolerant with men marrying white women than the women marrying white men I think. Would your dad be fine with your sisters marrying white guys?
Yes, I have a good relationship with my in laws. My father in law is late. My mother in law and much older sister in law like me. My brother in law lives in Germany and is married to a white woman himself. So we are cool.

 

Very true. Color is nowhere near as important as similar perspectives on the world. I think people attempt to use color/race as a crude shorthand to ascertain what a person thinks on a given issue, but we're all living proof that there's no "race perspective" that we all uniformly share, even though we may have certain views in common with our own ethnic group or any others for that matter.

 

Haha my Dad would be fine with them as long as they're from good families.

And it's great you have a good relationship with the in-laws, that's the most important extended relationships in my opinion.
It's rough when families don't accept the IR, I don't think he would carry on the relationship if the parents don't like me because of race.

 

I think the preference for the parents will almost always be for a African wife.
Especially if they are muslim.
And if he has already resident status.
Otherwise a European wife is the more useful choice.