"non-interracial" White women

I know the title is corny, I didn't know what else to title it. Anywho, my question is obviously for the beautiful ladies on here.

What is your relationship with other white women who are not open to interracial relationships? I don't mean overtly bigoted individuals, I mean other white women who might not be inclined to date interracially.

Are they indifferent?

Is it cordial?

Do you think the friendship is genuine if you have one with them?

Are they more aloof when they become aware that your preference is black men?

Do they treat you any different?

The reason I ask this is because I noticed that white women who are involved with black men tend to gravitate to other white women with black men. Is it like an unspoken/unoffical sorority of sorts(not trying to be facetious)? I even noticed they seem to gravitate to other black women.

Consequently, this incites the question of the rapport with "non-interracial" white women.

 

Maybe the explanation to that phenomenon is as simple as this:
people are mostly friends with people who are quite similar to themselves. Especially when it comes to lifestyle and values.

Also, my impression is that as soon as one starts dating IR, more of that person's friends/aquaintances will follow. That has happened to my friends. I think some didn't have the guts before because they where afraid of the cultural differences, and others might just have been afraid to be the first one doing it.

 

I have many friends would have admitted that they would not get involved with a bm. I really don't think it affects our friendship at all. The only time it does is when your friends man doesn't agree with it. Then you can't do couple things and only you and your girlfriend can get together. I have 1 friend like that. Her man won't admit it but I know that's what the problem is. I just brush it off. We don't tend to make friends with only other mixed couples either. Neither my husband nor I make it clear when we first meet people that we are married to someone outside of our race. I feel like you should be my friend for who I am not who I'm married to or date. I'm sure other people have experienced other things and I'm interested to hear what everyone else has to say.

 

When I was younger most of my friends and I were on the same page as far as our dating preference for BM. It made it fun and easier, we hung out with each other, went 'hunting' together (lol) and shared our experiences etc. A few years later and a few moves in between my friends are all WW who date WM.

Do they treat me different or do I think they are not genuine?
No definitely not, if they were I wouldn't consider them my friends.
All of them however are curious as to WHY I have that preference, so when I first get to know them and the discussion comes up curiosity takes over.

I don't seek out my friends by whom they date. I am actually a bit "careful" when meeting other WW who date BM as I have (unfortunately) met some who are just to weird (talking to much slang etc.) and I guess when it comes to that I am a bit of a snob.

 

It's not an issue one way or another.

Well this may not fit since this won't be about another white woman...but my best girlfriend is Japanese and she's only attracted to Asian men (not specifically Japanese). I'm not attracted to Asian men.

I don't think it matters what my girlfriends preferences are. And I certainly don't think it's any of their business as to what my preferences are in men. The thing is though that I don't see any of their preferences (or mine) as being some racially motivated thing. We simply are attracted to who we are attracted to.

Yes my friendships are genuine....I don't bother wasting my time on any other type.

I don't really agree with the statement about women dating black men gravitating towards others. I have a black child and I have found that others with multiracial families (of whatever makeup) will sortof gravitate towards me. But I don't really see white women who are interested in black men gravitating towards me. Maybe there is more of a competition thing there? Although...I'm not competitive about such things at all. I figure the man is either going to want me or not. I'm not concerned with who else is around.

 

Thanks for your input Jacie S, I'm looking forward to other input as well.

I fully agree with that it shouldn't matter who you're involved with when considering your friendships, that's a given. However, in my personal experiences/observations, I typically see ww who may have biracial children or a black companion in the company of similar ww.

Now to me, it makes sense. I can only assume they have certain things in common from raising biracial children, to entertainment, etc. However, that seems too simplistic.

KnCA experiences seem to counter what I may think. However, Chigirl's experience is reflective of what I see.

Chigirl, I COMPLETELY agree with you concerning the women who seem to "play the role", i.e. way too much slang and too much posing. That doesn't turn me on at all. Like I mentioned before in a previous post, fellas like myself like a "regular'ole white girl" :wink: , be yourself.

Ronja provided the most logical explanation, it makes sense....but I wonder if there's an invisible cultural gap between ww who are involved interracially and those who prefer not to.

 

People have their preferences. I'm comfortable with that. I have known white women who were bigots. One even told me that she disliked blacks. But she would always talk to me. I let her know that i too have my dislikes and how i see her and others like her. i never try to out bigot anyone who does not like me. I just prove them wrong that we are all not alike.

 

I like my friends for who they are not who they date. Having said that when I first started dating my bm b/f, I specifically started coming to this board b/c I WAS looking for people who were sharing like experiences. I wanted to learn from them and get a better feel for some of the things I was going thru. Now I consider almost everyone on this forum my friend in one way or another. Our common interest brought us together, but I continue to hang around this board b/c it's fun and people are cool.

 

Thank you

About the "cultural gap", I think there is in some cases.

I would make a guess that most people who get engaged in IR-relationships, are quite liberal people. (It's certainly not the most extreme conservative ones.)

People who have strong opinions against this kind of relationship on the other hand, can be very conservative IMO. And this might be seen as a cultural gap, I'd say.

Of course there are also WW who simply don't find BM atractive. There's nothing wrong about that. We all have our turn-on and turn-offs. And women like this, I could definetly be friends with, no problem...

 

"Invisible cultural gap?" Maybe, sometimes. But I guess I just see it as a difference. I have friends who've never had interracial relationships. I also have friends who are in same-sex relationships. I don't feel like there's a gap because of it, just a difference. For the most part, it's the sort of difference that really doesn't have to get in the way of friendships.

 

Ronja, I don't consider myself liberal, but I also don't necessarily consider myself very conservative. Although, I'm probably more conservative than liberal (don't confuse that with being republican).

However, I love being in diverse company, particularly interracial couples.

 

I have experienced the same thing. I have several friends that had never dated interracially before, and when they found out I was, eventually opened to the idea, albiet sometimes with a little help from me. I would offer to set them up with one of my boyfriend's cute friends, or something like that.

When they see how satisfied I am with it, they are more willing to test the water. Which is good for me because I like having other IR couples to go out with and relate to. Plus I figure I am doing a good deed - my friends invariably thank me for talking them into it, and having more IR couples out there being seen is a good thing for us all.

 

That's welcome input Heart. I gotta believe most of us who may be involved in IR would enjoy the company of others with the same preferences/circumstances. I must say I do.

 

Its only natural to gravitate towards people who share the same ideas and interests, but I also have many white girlfriends who dont date bm. Not that they are against it, but it not their preference. But I could not have girlfriends who are intolerant of my choices. I would also introduce them to my bf's friends and encourage them to date bm.

 

I was out with a group of friends, none of whom have dated outside thier race. They were curious as to my experiences, but not in a negative way. The most popular q's seemed to be 'was he bigger' and 'did his skin feel different'? I definitely felt like they wanted first-hand experience, but I'm not sure they would go thru with it. That's not something anyone said, just a feeling I got.

 

I am a perfect example of a ww who was encouraged to date black men by a gf who was dating bm. I did finally give in when I met a bm who was soooooooo irresistably hot!!!! my friendship with her has grown stronger b/c we are both attracted to black men now. I am definitely encouraging all my girlfriends to date black men.

 

Like a proud papa, it brings a tear to the eye.

 

Chitown! I'm curious. Where and How did you and the ladies go hunting? I posed this question on the forum like, years (three-more) ago about whether white women go to places where black men hang out to meet them or whether they go to predominantly white oriented hangouts and try and meet black men on their own turf.

 

My bf is always asking me to set up his friends with white girls. I would sometimes invite a girlfriend who I know is interesred, to our apartment. Some even have white bf already !