Your idealistic and realistic partner matches?

I sometimes wonder if my image of an ideal match is so wrecked by overexposure to advertising and popular culture that I don't even know what's realistic anymore. I also truly can't tell how attractive (or unattractive) I am to women.

Fortunately for me, I work all the time. So a serious relationship isn't a realistic goal anyway lol.

 

True story. I suppose we are all settling until the sex robot overlords take over.

The reality is, if you are self sufficient and your life is in order, there isn’t much a person can offer you beyond sex. This assumes you don’t want marriage or to have children of your own someday.

 

Well, I would disagree. There's more than financial exchange, sex, and raising children involved in relationships. I think many people like having someone in their lives. They enjoy companionship, relating to another, sharing their lives and themselves, someone who's there for them and who they are there for, etc. And I'm not discounting the sexual component. I think you can be invested in each other's lives and well being without it being about finances or raising children.

 

I disagree. What you are describing is a friend. Having friends to share our lives with, companionship, and who are there for you. You can also have sex with friends. In a lot of cases, the “exclusive relationship” aspect isn’t necessary. I think society has made us think it is.

 

I think friendship is an important part of a romantic relationship.

In regards to an exclusive relationship - that depends on the individuals involved. I'm an exclusive type. I prefer to be close with one person. I don't care to be as close with several people in my life. For one thing, I don't have the time or energy for it. I prefer to focus on one relationship. At different times in my life, I have felt differently. I don't feel any societal pressure for any type of relationship at this point in life.

I think people are fooling themselves when they think they are capable of maintaining strong healthy romantic relationships with more than one person for any length of time. That's often a way to avoid getting too close to another person/people and/or other reasons are involved. Some do it as a way to protect themselves from getting hurt (whether or not they are conscious of it).

 

This is a really honest statement! I think this is a factor for many now.

 

I think you would be fooling yourself if you tried that kind of relationship. But, at some point you realize that not everyone is wired for exclusive relationships. So, for them, it is ideal, for others, not so much.

Being close with one person is fine. I have found that "close friendships" (IE. Those where you can confide in someone without judgement or it being used against you), are best maintained with male friends. Of course, online, every one is essentially anonymous, so any gender will do, I guess. But, in real life, my experiences inform me to confide in my bros, and keep things casual for everyone else.

If people want to do the Poly thing, good for them. Some get into things for the wrong reasons, but the same can easily be said for the "exclusive" types.

 

I don't consider online connections to be relationships or even friendships. At best they are casual acquaintances or a starting point. I have created friendships and relationships with people I originally met online, but they have continued offline. I also don't consider casual acquaintances to be friends. That's just me. In terms of gender, I tend to agree with you (sort of) in that I also am able to confide in and maintain close friendships with men (preferably one). Which factors into why I would want to have a relationship with a man. Much like Beasty has stated so many times on here, I am one to prefer to create a relationship with a man I consider a best friend.

I've always had at least one very close female friend as well. There have been different ones at different stages of life. Most have been at least 20 years in length and never ended negatively...just some grew apart.

It sounds like you aren't able to, or do not choose to create/maintain a deep lasting relationship with a woman.

So back to the original question. What would be your ideal match? and what is your realistic match?

 

Lasting relationships aren’t a thing nowadays. Functioning relationships are so passé, lol.

My ideal match? Hmmm... I suppose an Android with safety precautions installed. My realistic match is the same I guess.

 

Good idea lol.

You're gonna need a button that opens the main circuit from the power source and shuts everything down.......lol

 

Do you have brothers you grew up with?

 

The buttons will be a tattoo. It will be on the left butt cheek. Smack that ass off... literally, LOL!!!

 

No. However, it's definitely because of the way I was raised.

Even though, until very recently, I've always worked in male-dominated businesses, I've never felt any need to compete with a man. I think that makes a big difference. I've never felt the need to compete with a woman either. But I find that often where genders have a tough time is when there is a power struggle and/or need to compete with one another. I've noticed that there are men (usually black men) who are so used to being around women who try to compete with them that they don't really know how to deal with one who does not. I've always felt that men and women are better together....that by binding their different strengths they are able to do the most.

 

So true, black women love to compete with black men and prove they don't "need them" or that they are superior, it gets exhausting.

 

Lol white women don't like weak men either step your game up.

 

Oh don't get it twisted I love type A women, I just don't like women black or white who are trying to demean you. Challenging me and being independent are far different than trying to show you up at every turn.

 

People who feel the need to compete with their partners are often insecure and wind up being abusive. It isn’t a weakness to avoid those types of women. But, no race has the market cornered on being insecure and shitty. Some people are just more obvious than others.

 

That actually brings up an interesting question. I believe it relates to this thread's topic, but let me know if it needs to be a new thread.

Guys:
Would you prefer a partner who
A. makes her focus supporting your ambitions, making you an all-star team, or
B. has her own ambitions which she pursues, making you a power couple?

Obviously you can have a mix of the two (this is def a simplification), but that's not the question here. And just so I'm clear, I mean for both options to be mutually loving and respectful.

I've got a question for the ladies too, but this post is long enough already lol.

 

Doesn't matter to me as long as she's not insecure. I will say that she should either have ambitions or hobbies. I don't care which, just have interests to pursue because I'm not responsible for anyone's happiness or entertainment. The performance ends in the bedroom.

I'm fun naturally, but I'm not going to be around every second of the day, there is always something I'm either working on or trying to figure. The work doesn't stop, I just take breaks.

 

sorry let me rephrase what I said ideally she would be pale with red hair, but realistically that's not important lol. but the marriage/kids and co habitation stands.