White Women who aren't into black men.... at first

Depends why they are fwb in the first place. If it’s because the guy isn’t ready for commitment but otherwise the woman is up to his wife-standards, they could be in a serious relationship later. If they are fwb because he doesn’t see her as more than that there’s no hope for promotion. My brother’s relationship ended last year. After that he got into a fwb kinda arrangement. Now gradually she’s being promoted to girlfriend status, as I can see by his behaviour.

 

I get all that. My point was directed to TDK saying that men don't box women in the same ways that women box men in. I just don't think that's true. Guys often will fuck a type of woman they would never have a relationship with.

An example might be that they would screw a stripper but probably aren't going to be taking her home to mom and trying to wife her up.

 

That’s true and I think men compartmentalise a lot more than women. They have a work box, a kids box, a sex box a free time box and they even have an empty box where they are thinking NOTHING! Women are integrated human beings with fluid concepts that’s why we jump more easily from one topic to the other.

 

I would generally agree. However, it is true that *usually* once a woman has placed a man in the friend zone, she's not likely to let him progress to something more.

 

What if you are in a relationship and you meet someone who you’d be interested in if you were single but you aren’t going to end your relationship just because of that. He can be in the friend box, but doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be husband potential if ever you found yourself single again.

 

LOL you are treading into territory of why so many men aren't cool with women having male friends. Sure there are women who have men around they are dangling as backups.

I'm just really not one who's going to do the thing of keeping a guy around as a *friend* that I might be hoping for something more with. That wouldn't be good for a relationship IMO. I don't subscribe to the backup plan thing.

I said *usually* and I do get there are lots of women out there who will keep a man/men around as backups. Just not my thing. In my life men who are friends are either men I would not want a relationship with or those I have dated and determined there won't be anything more than friends.

 

Those kinds of women hate it when men do the same thing.

 

Ok well I don’t dangle anyone around. I am married and I don’t have a history of cheating or planning a divorce so there’s no reason to live under false hopes. However I do have at least one person in my friend box who I could have imagined dating if the circumstances under which we met had been different. We became good friends over time and I never gave him the impression there was reason to wait for me or anything. He’s married now. I do get your point though and if women do that it’s not cool, same goes for men.

 

One can have friends. The point is what do you communicate to your friends. If you make it clear to them that you are not available and they are still your friends then they are your friends, basta.

 

yep they sure do.

 

My primary concern with such things is the relationship rather than the friendship. I think it all depends on your relationships and what's ok with the 2 people involved in the relationship. I always wonder when people are doing this sort of thing if their spouse or s/o knows about the friendship and is ok with it. If so, great. If not....yah not good.

For me, I'm not going to be doing anything with anyone I wouldn't be cool with doing in front of the man I'm involved with. I don't do secrets. I think people do all sorts of things to sabotage their relationships. When I was married, we had friends....they were both of our friends. Any conversation I had with anyone I would have had no problem with my husband seeing/hearing.

 

Yes, I agree 100%. That’s also how I do my things.

 

I think there may be a difference in the definition of friends. If I'm involved in a relationship/marriage with a man, I'm not going to be developing friendships with other men. I can see talking with men I work with and so forth but those are acquaintances (or clients) and not friends. I'm not going to be talking to them about personal things or confiding in them in any way.

 

I have very few male friends. Those friendships are more than 10 years old and started before I even got married. All but 1 are now married. I know their spouses and vise versa. One I have been friends with since I have been 17. He isn’t someone I could ever see myself having sex with.

 

That must be strictly a white thing because I can name several rappers and athletes who wife up strippers.
You greatly under estimate the simplicity of men. Be good to us offer us peace have sex with us and that's literally all you have to do in the relationship for us to be happy with the relationship. Occupation means almost nothing unless its a job you lord over us to make us feel less than but most men can love a waitress exactly the same way we could love a doctor or even a school teacher the way we love a stripper. Women are more complex you a bunch of social hierarchy and sense of safety stuff that you need to work out when picking a mate.

 

Lmao men do that? That's truly a first time in hearing that.

 

This whole discussion seems to boil down to the age old question whether or not men and women can be friends at all. Some can, some can’t. If you can’t get over categorising the opposite sex only as 1. potential hook-up, 2. Potential partner/spouse 3. Potential back-up for either of the former then you don’t have the mindset for genuine friendships with the opposite sex. It’s a bit immature though. If either of the people is in it for motives other than friendship it’s no more a friendship anyway. I think once you have settled your relationship life you should be stable enough in your head to still have friendships with the opposite sex without any mental game playing. But it doesn’t mean that your opposite sex friends all have to be non-spouse material, that would be weird. Because after all there are qualities in friends that one could also value in a spouse. But if you aren’t going there for whatever reason, then you aren’t going there. After all we are not 16 anymore, are we.

 

I have friends who are great spouse material just not for me. What I've noticed about being in a solid healthy relationship is you truly feel settled and calm. Its rare and should be cherished its not available everywhere.

 

Yeah you see, that’s what I’m talking about.

 

The stripper thing probably has to do with the level of stigmatising in their respective culture that comes with such jobs.

Women are not as complex as men tend to think. They look mainly for love, safety/security, appreciation.