White Women who aren't into black men.... at first

As I've said so many times in the past....I'm not going to dismiss your experiences, I just find it very sad that you have such a poor outlook regarding women who prefer black men.

See my previous post. I am one of those women who states I prefer black men and I'm none of the things you have said. I realize that may not be the typical on those sites (or in your life). That doesn't mean it doesn't exist. As with most standards, it can be a process of finding that rare jewel. Oh so worth it though.

 

Oh of course and I totally agree but with you its an exception to the rule kind of thing. Like when women tell about the incredible volume of dudes who send dick pics. That ain't my thing but I don't doubt for a second it happens all the time.

 

Thanks for sharing. I especially like/agree with the quoted pieces above.

Dating sites and apps just weren't worth the trouble for me. Come to think of it, dating wasn't worth the trouble for me LOL

 

What exactly does that mean? You haven’t found „the one” or you find the whole dating process tedious or you don’t want to date but rather just hook up, or...?

 

The only time I was talking to someone online was ages ago, when msn messenger was the hottest thing ever. He was in the US and he was black. But I wouldn’t say I had made up my mind then that I was only interested in bm. They were the ones gravitating towards me (Arabs and Indians, too, for the record. Someone pls tell me why). When we finally met he told me in the meantime he had impregnated one his classmates in college, so that was that. No more online dating afterwards.

 

LOL believe me, you don't want to sit through the full answer to that question. Suffice it to say my time is better spent on more productive things.

 

I am a patient person I can sit through the long version. But it’s up to you. I’ll take the short version for now.

 

Well since you asked so nicely...
I'll keep it as brief as possible. Partly to keep you from getting bored, partly because I'm not paying you enough to be my therapist. And I hate whining lol (I worry this will *all* sound like whining).

Background.
I turned 40 last month. I've got an advanced degree from a great school. I started a business a while back that's finally primed to take off (mo' money! mo' money! mo' money!), so I've been working non-stop for a few years. I'm over 6 ft and athletic (I'd post pics but don't wanna put myself out here like that lol). Deep down I'm a good Southern Baptist boy, so I'd rather have a wife than a series of hookups (not that I haven't done my dirt. I most certainly have).

The Problem.
I know some amazing women. Smart, fun, BEAUTIFUL, good character. Doctors, lawyers, writers, dancers, chefs, they run the gamut. Former models and pro cheerleaders. Every one of them thinks I'm great and can't believe I'm still single...but none of them would date me. They all swear I'd be the perfect boyfriend/husband...for someone else. It's been this way since high school. (I assume I haven't been being lied to by every impressive woman I've known)

I've definitely dated. And I could get by on hookups if that's all I wanted. But finding someone as impressed with me at the same time I'm impressed with her has been fruitless. I've never dated a woman longer than a month in my life.

My best guess at why is that I just can't spark the gut "chemistry" that women demand. I've gone into that elsewhere on this site.

Dating sites and apps are a unique torture. Men generally have to sift through dozens or hundreds of rejections anyway. But as a black guy in the South (who's got a history of being "too white" for a lot of sisters he pursues), it's worse. Online dating only makes people pickier. Women who wouldn't swipe right on my profile would have a great time with me if we met at a party.

When I hit my last birthday I decided I was done smashing my head against the wall. I can love life and contribute to society without the frustration of failing to understand women LOL.

There! Believe me, that's the short version lol. I cut out a lot of detail to even keep it that length. If know wanna know more, ask. Otherwise, you're welcome lol.

 

I have heard and lived this story so much. I met my betrothed through a friend otherwise I honestly believe I would have never met someone to share my life with. Dating sucks plain and simple. Like you said it just makes people pickier because the layout is no different than online shopping so people over obsess about things they'd never even think about in person like being able to wear their heals comfortably or how often a person travels. Shit that is so far down the list in terms of life importance that sounds utterly insane when you say it out loud.
Well it sounds like the other parts of your life are in order and I truly believe if you're open a great partner is just around the corner. Life tends to give you things when you're ready not a second before

 

Thank ya, my dude. Dating definitely does suck. Thing is, I don't know how open I am to it anymore. There's so much else to do! It's maybe 'cause I'm an overthinker (I've spent SO much time trying to figure this out, bruh lol), but it feels good to feel like woman troubles are 100% behind me. I'd recommend it to others, but I know it's too big of an ask for most.

 

There are some men (maybe women too - IDK) who don't seem to have a LTR until late 40s or so, or at least a really strong LTR. Now, much more so than ever before probably. But it's always been the case. It could be because (most) women don't recognize or appreciate their qualities until later in life.

Also, many people will think they are ready for something when they are not. Then they will either push it and get into something that will ultimately not work well for them, or they will come to terms with that and when they are ready, it happens. Usually, relationships don't happen at the "right times" or in the boxes people would like to make them happen. There's no formula for it really. I mean I know there are some who do follow a script and if they find another person who is of the same mind, it may work for them.

I'd hate to be a man, especially one who's looking to women in their 30's right now.

 

qaz - it sounds like you are very analytical and practical. All of which can be great things. However, that doesn't really fall into the "sweep em off their feet" airy fairy bs that so many women look for....mostly because they have been raised to do so. Often, once a woman has been through the fairytale and realized it's not all she thought it would be, she's going to be more sensible about things and (hopefully) smarter about her choices. Hopefully, she will realize that the instant chemistry is often hot but burns out quickly too. Sometimes the slow burn builds into the strongest and most lasting fire.

Part of what I see in your description is that you are lacking sight yourself. You haven't gotten to the point where you are able to see the woman you would really want. My guess is, that's partly because you haven't defined what it is you really want/need. Contrary to what most women believe, men are pretty simple beings. Usually, once they really define what it is they want, it will happen. If not, I have found it's because they aren't being truly honest with themselves about what it is they really want (kindof like what women do...but different). I know a man who will say - he's very simple, he only needs 3 things "suck me, fuck me, feed me" Now, women would find that insulting or have all sorts of things to say about it, but that's really the bottom line for him. It's not like he goes around putting that out there, it's simply something he keeps in mind. He said that when he was younger he might get allured by all sorts of things and end up in things he really wasn't wanting/needing and he realized he needed to define things for himself and that's what he came down to in the simplest of terms.

 

Stop womansplaining

 

I appreciate your insights. That's pretty much my understanding of things too. And you're dead on about us men being simple creatures lol. You women on the other hand....

 

Any thoughts? Don't keep us in suspense lol

 

You know...I used to tell you just about the same thing when you were on a kick about how you didn't want to be married and such...and look where you are now. Have to find the woman who has some sense. The thing that's so crazy about these females is that if they would go for the good guy, they usually will end up with someone who will do all the wonderful things and it's really special and thoughtful, rather than those who do things as part of their game and for whoever it is they are trying to get next to at the moment.

 

Time definitely brings perspective

 

Time difference, dearie! I was getting in my beauty sleep, not keeping you in suspense. I’ll be back soon.

 

Thanks for sharing, am feeling neither bored nor underpaid lol. In fact, I find it way more interesting when we talk about our own life experiences on here than celebrity gossip;-)
The thing is, I haven’t been able to diagnose the problem. From your internet persona I could see myself interested in getting to know you, if I were single. So assuming you aren’t hiding corpses under your bed in real life so far I can’t yet tell why your dating life stalls after one months. If you have good, honest female friends who know you well, ask them what they think. The “you’d make a great husband...for someone else” doesn’t make sense to me. Have you ever asked any of them what they were looking for in a husband for themselves?
I really didn’t date much in my life (Mr Good Southern Baptist boy will understand this: I’m basically Miss good Pentecostal girl and just found myself a brother in Christ at church and nailed him down to marry me and that was that lol) so am no expert on the whole process. Especially dating American style where I get the impression there’s some type of underlying script that has to be followed. I’m not familiar with that script.
I did make the experience for myself that I always seemed to make way more impact on men that were not German. I used to think something was wrong with me but at some point I realised our styles of approaching and getting to know someone of the opposite sex just didn’t work together (kind of like two elements in Chemistry that don’t react). Sounds weird because after all I’m also German and one should think you are rooted in your own culture and those things are automatic. Truth is, people have different personalities and it could be that your dating style isn’t what the typical American girl would value but someone else from a different background would. So travel a bit;-)!
Secondly, did you make it clear from your side that you were interested in pursuing a relationship when you met a woman you really liked? Or did you sort of just let the relationship take its course and it would drift apart?
Thirdly, as mentioned above, churches are a good place to meet people who aren’t all about the game-playing but about finding a spouse and I would want to think that there’s some sister (as in sister in Christ, not necessarily sistah lol) who would value your qualities, so make the math;-). That is of course assuming faith means something to you personally. Am not saying you should fake the faith just to find a woman lol.
It’s great that you have come to a point where you have made yourself free from the pressure of “having to date “. That gives you freedom to enjoy your life no matter what.
This is my 2 cents, not sure if it was helpful.