Does it bother you when the person you are dealing with hides they like people of the opposite color

Is it actually empowering to get paid for it? I mean, does it feel that way?

 

Feminism says it’s empowering. I just look at it as quid pro quo. I was paid in gifts and items. Actual monetary exchange would probably feel different. I felt that gifts made me feel appreciated. A lot of women approach relationships with hypergamy in mind. I think it’s ok when men do the same. Especially if you are approached by someone who you wouldn’t normally date otherwise.

If someone is looking for a specific experience with you, an older woman and younger man, or some sort of black man experience, then they are treating you as a fetish. If they pay in the form of gifts and you are ok within certain boundaries, I say go for it.

 

Why should it bother me? Jus smash them and keep it pushin ... We aint wifin no hoes!

 

We ain’t husbanding no players either.

 

@Meow on the pay for date suggestion, and no free dick suggestion, my take, I would not want to date someone who is not really into me, feels i must pay them. If i date someone, i want them to be genuinely attracted to me, not someone they normally would not date but are doing so for material things or money. i don’t require love at first sight, but someone who at least likes me and feels positively towards me.

 

I understand. I think there is an idea that someone doesn't want to be with someone without gifts or happens to be with them because of the gifts. I suppose that happens, but I believe in quid pro quo. If an older woman likes a younger man, and that younger man likes an older woman, then, he can expect gifts or not. I just didn't date older women without gifts. Considering that I could have dated women my own age who didn't offer gifts.

I get what you are saying though. I think when people date, they look for the person they are most compatible with as well as potential incentives. Gifts provided incentives that were more than a woman my own age had to offer. So, I chose the older women back then. It isn't any different than a woman who has multiple options, but chooses the man who she not only likes, but does the most for her.

 

yeah, i see, i am for all to each their own, but there is just something off about quid pro quo, at some point in this life many people will want love, companionship, and i don’t think one can place a price on that, or through the exchange of goods. when all in a relationship think; just look at who can do the most for me, sounds a little selfish, but again, each his own, and i am in favor for all to make their own choices.

life can be hard and cruel, and people need real friendship, love, and sexual love, otherwise they could just go to their local animal shelter and get a pet.

dont get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with a couple wanting to get gifts for each other now and then, but when a relationship is built on that, that sounds like a weak foundation to base one on. the gift giving should be a two way exchange, one gets something for the other and so on.

i hope you gave some gifts as well, i would not be happy being the one always giving the gifts.

 

I think what you are missing here is that you are actually saying the same thing he is. You just don't like the way he's saying it and you want to put it in a nicer package.

Let's get real here. Relationships on any level, including friendships are give and take. You are with people because of certain things. Maybe you feel really good around them. Maybe they take really good care of you. Maybe they are really good in bed. Maybe they are really good providers, a great cook, take you fun places, or even give you gifts. Whatever it is that does it for you. There are reasons why people are with other people. Women tend to look for men who are going to be good lovers, husbands, fathers, providers, etc. Men look for women who are going to look good, be good lovers, good cooks, clean, good mothers, etc. Whatever it happens to be at different times of life.

The only difference in what people are doing and not being up front about and what Meow is talking about is that he's being up front about it. If you have a friendship with someone and it turns out it's all one sided with you being the one who is doing everything, you probably aren't going to stick around long. To take your stand....if you are wanting love and companionship and you are the one who is always doing the loving and offering to be there for the other person and they are not reciprocating, I'm betting you'll be gone. Every relationship is based on an exchange. Just because some people want to package it in such a way that it sounds better, doesn't mean that it's any different at the core.

You yourself state you would "not be happy being the one always giving the gifts". What you are missing is that the women he was involved with were getting exactly what they wanted from him and in turn were giving him the gifts he wanted. It wasn't that one or the other was the "one always giving the gifts". They were each giving their form of "gifts". As far as whether or not it was a good foundation....you can argue that, but on the other side is - it was honest which is a lot more than can be said for many of those who sugar coat things. And quite frankly, many relationships are built on much less.

He's simply talking about that when he was younger he got with older women and their exchange was that the women gave him gifts and he gave them what it was they wanted. Why is that a problem?

 

I think K summed it up quite well. As far as giving gifts, for some women I did, for older women I didn’t. Why? Because that wasn’t our dynamic. They wanted a young, intelligent, black man with a good body, I wanted gifts, quid pro quo.

As far as gift giving, I’ve never been opposed to it if that is what the relationship is about (exchanging gifts on holidays etc.), and quite frankly I am very good at giving gifts. But, as a young specialist (military) in a foreign country, these older women had more means than I did. So, although I could have purchased something, it would pale in comparison to what they could purchase me.

I was essentially the “gift”, more so my youth, body, and “refreshing foreign optimism”. Some women just like younger men and like to spoil them. I don’t judge, and I rather enjoyed the relationships. I’ve always been a good listener and I genuinely care (even friends in this forum can tell you that), but knowing what we want and knowing what we can give and take are aspects of a successful relationship.

I gather that you don’t care for that kind of relationship for yourself, and that is fine. I respect that, but as K mentioned, and I tried to mention, all relationships are give and take and that doesn’t mean that there is no “love/connection”. It just means that both parties are very upfront about their wants so there is no confusion.

 

Older men and younger women have these relationships all the time. So what's the problem? Too much equality? Aren't you a feminist? Lol

 

yeah, i would probably be gone as you put it, and i would prefer to get things out in the open, so yeah, i appreciate that he is up front about it. and also, i think he can speak for himself.

 

yeah we see this differently, but i give you this, you are upfront about it, as more people should be, and this let’s all involved know just where they stand. if there was some agreement between the parties beforehand, and it sounds like it was for you and the women, than that sounds ok, my biggest issue is when people lie or are not entirely honest with one another, it sounds like you at least got things out in the open.

side note, i noticed a like to your reply from R copper, he put me on ignore, so i thought he was done seeing all my posts, but he must be seeing this, to put a like on it, still finds my content of some interest. i also observed him asking about me in a thread i have long since bailed on, yet he came back sniffing around. well anyway, nothing to do with you meow.

 

nah, i am just a bit cheap, i could always just hit up my local dollar store for some goodies, if i anticipate my lover who likes things coming over

all kidding aside, yes i am, please do not twist this, and if that is how some couples want to operate, than fine, i am just saying, something does not feel right about it for me personally. i could not enjoy myself with someone knowing they might not really find me attractive but are just with me for money and things is what i am saying.

if some people, men or women are ok dating someone who might not really like them physically or mentally, but spend time either just for money and things that is fine, just not for me.

i am sure some of you here are familiar or have heard of rent a dreads and that phenomenon, well i read some women’s stories about that, and some of the guys lied, and were even repulsed physically by the women, but slept it’s them anyway for money, and the women were fooled. i am not going to be dumb and desperate.

 

All the men I knew who did this as well were up front about it.

As far as someone named copper, I am unfamiliar with anyone of that screen name, sorry.

 

I can speak for myself, but she is a friend, so I think she said it in a much nicer way than I did. I have a tendency to be blunt and overly direct in my online posts.

 

yeah, well, not all guys are honest.

oops, i meant cooper, not copper, cooper seems like he be creepin on my posts.

 

good, blunt is better than deceitful, hope you like dollar store plastic crap gifts, that is what i will get you

just kidding.

 

I didn’t date women that I wasn’t attracted to. It’s just a matter of age difference. I was in my early 20s, they were in their early to mid 40s.

For example, if you are 21, and you have the option to date 10 people, 9 are around your age, and 1 is 43. Each are attractive in their own way with winning personalities. The people around your age offer the average things, while the 43 year old likes to spoil you. You find each of them attractive, so who do you go with?

 

Lmfao, no thanks. Although I do miss water guns and water balloons. Maybe we can work something out

 

1. Why not talk to cooper himself about his creepiness or whatever he’s supposedly doing.
2. I feel similarly in the sense that it wouldn’t do anything for me if I had the feeling I have to bribe a man into a relationship (or sex) with me. However if two consenting adults agree to the arrangement they certainly know what they are getting out of it. I think it’s a totally different scenario to women being deceived into believing someone loves them but really just want to marry them for papers or money...those kinda stories.
3. I think it’s fairly normal on the forum to comment on each other’s posts and threads even if one wasn’t directly addressed. It’s basically an open discussion and everyone can put in their 2 cents or Euro or Dollars or whatever. I am also guilty of having done it before.