what do white women love about black men?

We had a new neighbor move in. The other day she was yelling like crazy at her kids....going on and on about anything and everything. I thought damn those kids are awfully young to be saying all that to them. Then I found out the kids weren't even there - it was her man she was yelling at like that. He's a piece of work though. He's got a very loud deep voice. He yells all the time N this N that. Just a bunch of obnoxious noise in general. They deserve each other. Just need to be living somewhere else.

In my experience, no American black man is easy to boss around, but then I never cared to try to do so. I've never had any interest in trying to get into a power struggle with a man, control him, or mother him. I can't even imagine men I've known being treated the way I see out and about at times. I just think some get into dysfunctional relationships (maybe it's familiar?) and it's oddly comfortable or something and they just stay with it.

Seems to me there are some women who are hell bent on being like that and may or may not find someone who will put up with it.

As much as I think it's funny some of the things the guys say on here....I did see exactly what they talk about the other day. This woman I know completely changed her personality and was falling all over herself to kiss up to this white guy who came in to an event we were at. It blew my mind. On the way home, my daughter even said something about it!!

 

Interesting. I thought the guys were just exaggerating by 1000%.

 

I tend to think that too. Things like what I saw make me wonder too. If they are that loud with the sliding glass open and such, what's it like when it's all shut? Some could care less who's around or what other people may hear or see, but you know there has to be some who are more hidden and do things behind closed doors.

Oh and just to be clear, I live in a nice suburban area.

 

when you factor in how many black mothers abuse their sons, I would have to agree that it has to do with a familiar situation.

 

so sad

 

I think it is referred to as the cycle of abuse. Abusive black mother beats the hell out of the child, child cries, mother tells child cry and I give you something to cry about, child learns to bury his pain and feelings, mother later tells son she loves him, but he was bad or frustrating her (like any abusive spouse would say to their significant other), then they grow up associating love with abuse. And that is why we have so many betas and simps these days. A very large portion of raising sons, in the mind of be, involved beating the life out of them.

 

This is sick.

 

Interesting I don't agree but I see where you're coming from in some respects. I definitely got my ass whooped and hated my parents for it at the time but I will say it helped me learn certain lessons where words would have never been as effective. They were raising black kids and as an adult I now get the frustration you're dealing with a boat load of stress and then you are tasked with trying to keep your kid safe for a world that by all metrics hates them while still trying to make sure they feel loved and have self esteem. Its a nearly impossible balancing act.

 

And that right there is one of the burdens of being black is everyone thinks you're making it up because its not their personal experience. So weird when women of all people won't believe your abuse stories.

 

Yes I'm aware. And unfortunately, it makes it next to impossible to have a healthy relationship with them as adults too. It takes a LOT of work on oneself to be able to rewire all that.

 

The whole, I got whooped and it was good for me argument just doesn't hold water. Maybe it worked for you, but overall it doesn't work. And sorry but you aren't raising children yet and no matter how many you may have been around, it's just not the same as going through it all. You may be amazed at how much you come to realize about the way you were parented and how it has affected you as you are raising your own.

There is a difference between raising black kids and white kids, I won't ever say there isn't. There's a difference between raising boys and girls too. And there's a difference in raising children with different personalities. I've done (and am doing) all of those things. However, beating on a child is never necessary. There are more things you can do than just talking too. A HUGE part of it is that it needs to come from birth and not started later on down the road. It also needs to be an environment of adults that support raising children in a healthy way. It takes being proactive and taking the time and energy to do what needs to be done. It's a lot easier/quicker for so many people to yell and call names and hit, etc. It takes a lot more effort to be consistent and create and keep boundaries. There are plenty of us who may be strict but never raise a hand to a child or say demeaning destructive things to them.

It is a tough balancing act for sure. It's next to impossible to explain to children that things exist that simply don't make any sense and no matter what, it never will. Parenting is a tough job and quite frankly, an awful lot of people are really not up to it. Continuing the abuse and unhealthy cycle isn't going to help anyone though. At some point, as a society (even just in our own little circles), we need to realize how important it is to invest our time and energy in our children.

 

I understand where you are coming from and in some ways I agree, and others I do not. In your case, and in others, everything is fine. In other people's case, they end up with abusive bw after abusive black woman. I don't believe in one size fits all education nor do I believe in one size fits all parenting. I do understand that our generation toughed it out, as my black mother was abusive and my father wasn't (unless my mother begged him to beat me... which had more to do with her manipulation etc.). But, I would be lying to myself if I felt it didn't have negative affects. In addition to that, I don't believe in randomly hitting women due to frustration or because she did something I don't agree with. So, I can't imagine the reasoning behind beating some underdeveloped little child. But, either way, although I mostly disagree with you, I understand and respect your point of view.

 

agreed

 

yes or they end up abusing women and/or children.

 

Yep, very true. For some, they lash out on their spouses and children. For others they end up with manipulative abusive women, regardless of race. I think studies show that it happens mostly in lower income families and families once removed from lower income (IE. people who attained degrees, have decent careers, but grew up poor and or working class).

 

I hear you and I agree different strokes for different folks. I just know for me personally I did what I was told not because I knew it was the right thing but more because I was afraid of getting. It kept me out of a lot of trouble. I didn't get it then but I get it now there are absolutely no second chances for black people. We don't have the luxury of mistakes.

 

I'm with you on that. Whoopings aren't always a bad thing. It isn't always abusive either. Especially in this society that teaches us our "father" in heaven will throw us into a lake of fire if we don't obey, while we got low life excuses for cops that KILL black children without consequence. Please.

 

True story

 

You knocked that out of the park.

 

I understand what you mean. However, Africans also routinely beat their kids but it doesn’t lead to men taking abuse from their wives, rather they become domestic abusers themselves. There’s something else in the culture that encourages women to play the dominant roles there, I think. As for raising sons, of course they need just as much TLC as girls, and they need to play outdoors a lot and when they get older do sports so they have worked off excessive energy and are even tempered enough to be able to behave themselves.

Edit: Ok, I just read this point has been made before.