Maintaining Blackness

Maybe some of you black men here can relate to this. As you evolve, get your career started, move to a new neighborhood etc., your "blackness" or being real black man is questioned. Some of you like myself, grew up in low income urban areas having to constantly protect your image so your peers wouldn't think you were soft.

As your surroundings change, you become educated, attend different events with people from all walks of life. You speak differently, your perspectives on life may change somewhat. Maybe your income allows you to go places you never thought you could ever go. Then your dating options change, you may prefer a woman/man that accommodates this version of yourself. You always know who you are, and you're not totally naive to the prejudices of the world. Yet, you are torn because your family, old friends, maybe even old colleagues say you ain't black anymore.

I never understood why if a black man/ woman leaves the hood he is seen as a sellout. Isn't leaving and becoming better what we're supposed to do? I'm not saying to never help people or forget about them, but there are some who just don't get it.

An example is some of my family members who joke that I act like "white folk" when I speak correctly or eat differently lol. I may even get "Oh I can tell you probably gon date a white girl, cuz you getting away from us". Lil things as the types of music you may get into or new movies you may watch. You may get sick of Tyler Perry or typical drug dealing movies which we always rush to go see. I plan to make a part 2 on this but wanted to see others experiences.

 

Lmao fam we're black no matter where we go. You never lose your blackness anyone else who says otherwise is too dumb to converse with

 

Burned my ghetto pass years ago and never looked back

 

You are expanding your horizons, nothing wrong with that, and it does not mean you are forgetting where you come from. You can still honor your roots, but learning and experiencing new things, as adding onto what you have already, not obliterating it. I remember a poster on here described what you are describing as crabs in a barrel, or something like this, from what I got from that it meant when one crab manages to crawl out of the barrel, the others try to pull it back in.

 

Your family members just mad you out here actually doing something with your life.

 

Who gets to define "blackness"? I have met all types of different black people so far. Francophones, Anglophones, those who speak queen's English, those who speak American Ghetto English. Those who like only their own food, those who try different restaurants. So don't bother. Maybe your family lacks exposure to the vast variety of "Blackness". Tell them they aren't the ones who invented blackness. Or better, don't tell them anything at all and just do your thing.

 

Yea, blackness is subjective. I feel you though, but America will always remind you that you're black. Some people create a world for you in their minds, but when you grow too large to be contained by the world they created for you they feel threatened. Once you grow, they feel small, and they can't handle you anymore. Bears live solitary lives. They hunt and travel on their own if they're not raising any cubs. In a lot of ways, black men have to be like a bear in the forest. Live your truth and the right people will populate your life.

 

All over the African diaspora there are differences like the Africans who arrived in the Americas centuries ago and newly arrived ones of today.

 

These super-black, blackity black oil-bleeding blacks in 'Murca are judge and jury on who's "really" black. Just ask them. What's really funny is it's angry mixed chicks with their fists in the air the most

 

Mixed chicks? Na wao, you people get problems in the US of A. If I ever get a daughter I'll take her to Nigeria so she can sort out her identity w/o getting angry.

 

Yeah. Unfortunately that does happen plenty. I was that inner city NYC kid from a low income family. I always knew that I wanted better for myself and to not live wth typical inner city issues. I heard the crap when I got good grades in school and went on to college. Heard the sell out stuff when I left the inner city behind for a better lifestyle. Thankfully, I was able to recognize it for what it was.

 

Yup! (Very) sadly, that crabs in a barrel mentality is very much alive.

 

Agree with what many others have already stated. Be you and live your life. Be different! It's sad we live in a world that is constantly judging and putting ceilings over others who are not deemed worthy enough, who don't fit a certain mold, or once you finally moving up in the world, others trying to jab you for it.

 

LOL!!!!!

Funny, but so true.

 

This is so true. I feel like this now especially living in San Diego where I had to get used to living in an area where there aren't many black people. The ones here are either married and can't hang or thugs/ghetto as hell which I don't want to hang with anyway. Luckily I've always been a bit of a loner. I can hang with most sensible people. Most non black people here, have a whole different vibe about them. Cool to grab a beer with but they get hung up on weird shit like race jokes. The hood blacks are stuck in a us vs them mentality. Some of em live illegal lives. So I mainly stick to myself. Find activities that I enjoy.

I used to be depressed that there weren't many blacks I can relate to hear, till the point I thought about moving. But then looked at it as motivation to step out my comfort zone and find my niche. Now I'm cautious of the niggas I hang with cuz niggas will always jam you up. I'm too old to be angry at whitey, pants saggin, mean mugging dudes thing. Some black people act like me not wanting to be around that is some type of betrayal to the race. But I value peace and my career over everything here. You gotta be cool with being in your own and staying true to yourself. It can be challenging, but I'll find my way.

 

I totally get where you're coming from. I grew up in the Bronx, NY. I like that I was a city kid, but to me that lifestyle of many around me wasn't the way to go. By the time I was a teenager, I was very much of the opinion that I'd thrive in diverse surroundings, and I had friends from many different backgrounds, especially when I got to college. In the high school days the hoodlums in school and even on the block often had something negative to say abut those of us who took school seriously and/or stayed on the right side of the law. So, I wasn't part of the "down" crowd because I didn't cut classes, smoke pot etc. Then I was "college boy" when that time came.

As a young adult after college I really started branching out, but I still lived in the hood as I had an entry level job. Even when I bought my first car... Apparently, it wasn't cool enough. I bought a used Chevy Cavalier because it was pretty much what I could afford. So, I hear crap about how I should've bough a Maxima (and such) and hooked it up and so on.

Once I moved up to a professional level job then I really became a "sell-out" and I'd hear it sometimes when I'd visit my Mom (same old neightborhood).

Once I moved to the Wash DC area... I was all about living in a vibrant, diverse area that's not the hood.

To me it's a very sad thing that so many of us are of the mindset a black person who looks to move ahead gets their "blackness" quesitoned.

 

one question...define or explain blackness...

i'll wait..

 

Every year, you hear about some black kid who got out and went away to college. Comes back for the holidays and tries to hang out with his old homeboys from the block. Yada yada yada, drama ensues, good kid ends up dead or paralyzed. News makes a point to say good kid had no record, no gang activity, clean cut. One kid's dad was even an ex-cop. Watch the news where you live this coming Thanksgiving, Xmas season.

I think the "homeboys" be setting up these college kids

 

That's not a question.

 

I have a few thoughts on "cultural appropriation."

There's one situation where I definitely agree that it's bad: black guy does new thing X. Popular culture acts like it's bad or tacky. White guy copies X, then suddenly X is cool and amazing. A real world instance is how large butts on women were long viewed as "ghetto" or gross when it was only desirable on black women, but as soon as it was desirable on white women, too, it became a lot more acceptable.

That's definitely bad. But *in general* I don't really think cultural appropriation is bad. If Asian people listen to rap or rock music that Black people created, Black people eat McDonalds or Subway that White people created, or White people watch Kung Fu movies that Asian people created, I think that's great. I think sometimes people complain about cultural appropriation when it's just melting pot in action.