Golddigger?

I am wondering how much of this "golddigging' is actually prompted by the need of many men (I did not say all....) to flash and flaunt their assets (car, job title, money). How much is actually greed of the women and how much is a man being a fool and when the tables turn and they break up he complains about golddiggers when in reality he gladly laid out the money to boast his ego st first?
What is a golddigger? Do you men have experiences, ladies do you have an opinion or maybe ever financially taken advantage of a man? If so, why?

 

I dated a man who was considerably more wealthy than I am - and always wanted to do things and eat at places I couldn't afford, so he paid for everything. It was his choice, I never asked for anything. I don't consider myself a goldigger, but would if I had dated him specifically because of the perks that came with his money.

Someday, I hope to have enough money to worry about no-good goldiggers coming after me!

 

LOL
Welcome to the board Fnnysmrt, appreciate your feedback.

 

It's too complex to put it simple terms but men are taught work for and go after things in life, and relationships are really not that different.
For many years [I mean thousands] men have been the so called providers - although most half smart people know that's not totally true – so men [most] believe that they have to bring more to the table.

Women believe the same “myths” so they are just as guilty, if you will.

Gold diggers?

It's like terrorist versus freedom fighters.

Some people see gold diggers and some people see good old fashion values of men taking care of their women.

One thing I find funny is the “stupid men get what they deserve for flaunting their wealth” vibe.
What does a woman deserve for wearing a short skirt?

Anyway.....

 

To be quite honest, it doesn't take a genius to spot a gold diggind neanderthal. At least for me. When a man/woman demands a lot, never is accountable for his/her deeds and over-relies on the other, you have you a gold digger.

 

chigirl

Thanks for the welcome

 

Ummm I will be the first to say this, that sound like a golddigger comment, I have dated females that have told me if it wasn't for me taking to expensive places and black tie events, they wouldn't have dated me. I don't flash because it isn't worth it. Alot of women target guys that drive nice cars or where they work and my favorite the way they dress....

 

Well, maybe I wasn't clear enough with the comment. I did NOT date him b/c of his money, I dated him b/c I liked him and the money thing was just a nice extra. I would have dated him if we would have been doing more low-key things, also. As for him paying, he knew that I couldn't afford the things he wanted to do.

Hopefully it doesn't sound like a gold-digger comment simply b/c I admit that I liked the perks that came with the money, who wouldn't? But I'm not a gold-digger b/c that was not the reason I was with the guy.

As for my last comment about having money, that was completely a joke.

 

I am just saying from what you wrote it seemed that you LIKED THE PERKS MORE THAN YOU LIKED HIM. Why didn't you ask him lets do more low key things? If you wasnt on a Digging mission you would have asked him..

Sorry people I am kinda bitter right now...

 

Ouch, you are bitter... I specifically said I wasn't gold digging and wasn't dating the guy b/c of the money, but you aren't reading what I say, you're reading what you want to see. The simple fact that I was honest and stated I liked the perks doesn't mean I was there for the perks. Come on, who doesn't like to go out to eat at nice restaurants?

I didn't even know he had money when we first met, he didn't flaunt it. We dated about 10 mos, and after the 1st mo I was uncomfortable with the situation and flat out told him I felt guilty b/c he was paying for everything and I wasn't looking for a sugar daddy. He said don't worry about it, he understood I was back in grad school and things were tight and didn't really care about who paid for what. It was ironic, b/c usually I am adamant about pulling my own financial weight in a relationship, but I couldn't afford to go dutch on an $80 bottle of chardonnay and he didn't want to drink the $20 bottle.

So Finest, it's too bad you've had some bad experiences, but don't hold it against all of us! Tell you what, I'll take you out to lunch sometime and you can vent all you want...my treat of course! :wink:

 

ChiCity I think you definitely misread her first response. To me it clearly states she would have dated him regardless of whether or not he has money. So I say you need to re-read that and maybe chill a tad bit.

I've dated both, men that had more income than I and some with less. When I was younger I didn't mind paying more than he did but now I wouldn't do that anymore (with a few exceptions depending on the situation).
The funny thing is, even if I date someone who has significantly more let's call it disposable income than I do, we are still along the same lines in regards to how and where we spend our money so I never felt like I couldn't keep up and always put in my fair share. I guess our personalities and priorities matched better than our wallets which is a good thing :lol:
I definitely don't go for the flashy type of guys, the ones that wear it on their sleeve how much money they make, how educated they are etc. to me that is a big turnoff and I my humble opinion those are the guys that invite the golddigger and are partially to blame for being taken advantage of. We all have to keep in mind (even if it is at times hard to hear) we are always partially responsible for what happens to us, no matter what.

 

Totally disagree....

 

Do you disagree in general with this statement or in the context of this discussion? Just curious Do you care to elaborate a bit?
I truly think that we all control what we do and what we allow to have happen to us to a certain extend (excluding violence of course).

 

Well…
There is always what is and what should be.

What should be is: People should do whatever they want as long as it does not harm anyone else.

What is – is: People are always looking for a way to take advantage of others.

In the context of the thread [good topic by the way] I don’t think just because a person drives a car that cost $XXXXX.XX or wears a watch the cost $XXXX.XX that they “get what they deserve” when gold diggers come around.
Gold diggers set their sights on people with “flash” but to say that the flashy people are responsible is to relieve the diggers of their responsibilities.

No one can control another and in the case of gold diggers, they know what they want before anyone flashes anything.

True. If I don’t want to get mugged, I should stay out of the park at night however the mugger is the criminal not the victim.

Or to remove the violent crime factor – If all I want from you is sex [a one night stand] but I tell you I love you…. I’ll never leave you and you’re the only one for me.
When we have sex, I’m the lying one…. Not you.

 

Thanks Designer for your response, let me respond from my perspective and share what's going on in my head when I made the statement

I agree on the first part, nobody DESERVES to be taken advantage of nor do I think they are responsible. What I think is that they invite the crowd more so than subtle/ humble men and women do (I guess it would be fair to say there are also male golddiggers.... :lol: ). I also would never say it relieves golddiggers from their responsibility, they are scum, but I think it takes 2 and each controls their actions.

Also I think the flashing I refer to is more in the way a man carries himself than what he wears or drives or physically shows. I like a man with a quiet confidence, someone who KNOWS and doesn't have to emphasize his status. That kind of man can drive a Jaguar or a Hyundai, it doesn't matter. The men that are flashy in a tacky way are the ones I refer to, the ones that need the car to establish themselves, hope this makes sense...

Example, I met this man who I think was financially pretty much on the same level I am (and I am not making money like crazy, I am working hard and getting by). However for some reason he felt it was necessary to flash his money in, to me, a very annoying way. Told me he treats his ladies to manicures and pedicures, pays to get their hair done etc. I judged him as having an extremely low self esteem which he tried to cover with money. Needless to say I did not date him for exactly that reason. But if I was a golddigger I could have taken him to the bank when he was the one to open the door to it in the first place.

Now let me say if I am dating someone seriously and he decides to treat me to a spa day or so because it's my birthday or anniversary or something that is fine, very much appreciated and I think classy. However if I hardly know you and you want to play "big daddy" I am just disgusted.
That is me personally, I think I might be a bit of a control freak and I don't want to owe you anything unless I am comfortable with you, that's why I might have a somewhat stron reaction when big daddy comes my way.

As far as a lie, well that's different if you really want to scam someone you will be able to do that. Golddigger or not.

 

Chi Girl,

So a guy that likes to get his female's hair and nails done has low self esteem? Ummm, hell I go get my manicures and peds alot because I don't want my feet and hands to look busted, I feel the samething about my female, her feet and hands should look way better than mine...

To fnnysmrtprtty:

Ummm sure but let's go stag....I don't mean to be bitter but damn I'm fed up... :smt067

 

ChiCity you are taking my comments out of context... maybe you just misunderstood (giving you the benefit of the doubt) so let me try it this way, this is still a discussion about golddiggers and not whether or not a man likes his partners hair and nails done, ok?

With the example I gave I tried to point out the guy as opening himself up for being taken advantage of. In addition yes from my point of view he has low self esteem because he didn't know me but felt it was important to brag about his "generosity". I might be wrong here but it felt to me that he was trying to impress me with that which made it just rediculous.

We have this saying in Germany, literally translated it says: You don't talk about money you just have it.

 

I have seen information from studies on dating websites that show the single most important information in determining the number of replies for men from females is a man's income. Men and women sometimes lie about information on these sites. For women the biggest lie is age, You do see a spike in the number of women around 29. Men will often add an inch or two on height.

 

A few women must have really taken you for a ride. Hang in there, you'll find a winner.

 

Chigirl, I understand perfectly well where you come from and agree with your posts 100%.

I too find it annoying if someone thinks he has to flash his assets to impress me. "My house, my car, my credit card, my bank balance .... "

And I find it rather insulting if someone tries to "pay" me something in return of my affection or for the time I spent with him. My love is free, and can't be bought. I would rather go and clean public toilets than to have a man I'm intimate with paying my bills.

Maybe people don't understand what you are saying because there is a bit of a culture clash here. We both come from a country where prostitution is legal, and women here will just not accept money from a man that lightly - "if you dont want to be treated like a prostitute then don't behave like one" - and that includes taking money from men you have sex with. And men wouldn't offer money because of the same reasons. That might be different in countries where prostitution is handled on the down low.