Kristin Davis is afraid for her black daughter

I think this is true of all parents though. I think we (as a society) shifted to this philosophy of kids being an accessory...something you have because you are supposed to or because you want some sort of doll and expect them to just fit into your life and not change anything. Rather than the reality of having a child changes every single part of your life and every bit of who and how you are. That it needs to be about something much bigger than yourself and even beyond your child....it's about the future and how and what they are going to contribute to the world.

If you think about that most people go into parenting as a reaction (oops how did that happen?!) or a fantasy (they want the pretty picture without what it really takes to make that happen) it's not surprising that many people are going to try to play down the importance of being proactive and learning everything possible so they are better able to navigate through the day to day life situations that they absolutely will encounter.

One of the things I saw when I was dealing with the adoption world is that many of the people are in a place of desperation when they are at that point. They are desperate to get a child. Many of them have started out wanting a clean white baby girl (there's all sorts of really disgusting things about the racial heirarchy that exists in adoption) and were willing to mortgage their homes, empty their 401K or whatever to pay huge amounts of money up front and wait ridiculous amounts of time. As they wait and the costs grow and they experience failed adoptions the desperation grows and they start to alter their parameters. First it's that they will consider babies that were drug exposed, possible medical issues, or maybe a boy, then it's maybe Hispanic, and so on. I really don't want to go there completely because quite frankly it makes me very sick to my stomach. I've witnessed some really nasty things. I've seen black couples who wanted biracial children because they wanted lighter skinned children, I've seen places basically pay families to take healthy black baby boys, all while the holy grail (the healthy white baby girl) goes to the top bidder. It's truly disgusting. The point is that this baby/child becomes a prize, an asset, something acquired and all too often a huge fantasy world is created around them. This child often comes with a job to heal the parents inadequacies and fill the voids of not being able to accomplish the most basic of human needs and abilities....to procreate. That's an awful lot to put on a lil one.

I think there are layers of issues that need to be addressed. But if people aren't willing to admit to their own insecurities and weaknesses and the reality of their issues, they certainly are not going to do anything about them.

 

HAHAHA, people are disgusting and stupid. As if there is such a thing as a clean baby. As many times as my nephew vomited on me when he was a baby, hahaha. I have heard that similar terms when I was still practicing Judaism and looking for a Jewish wife. Looking back, it still makes me a little sick to my stomach (Many of the Ashkenazi background want "clean white babies" as well). But, it is what it is, and I have moved on. The insecurities that these kinds of people (those who look at white as clean and everything else as dirty), is almost as laughable as it is offensive.

I wouldn't adopt as I have no interest in having children. But, I have heard some seriously heartbreaking stories and read frightening articles about adoptions.

 

Those classes and Internet discussions about that are so good. That's awesome.

I remember years ago there was a big debate about whites adopting blacks. A bw and I debated that. Her and her husband didn't have kids. She was against and I was for it. We talked stats and what not. She made good points....(culture and racism and so on) but my point was that no one is adopting black and they need someone to love them. Those other issues are secondary.

 

Completely agree.

However, the term "clean" is in reference to being drug free, no medical issues or birth defects....but mostly drug free.

 

Yep

I used to go into adoption chats and it was usually the hopeful adoptive moms that were in there and many of them thought I was super pro "transracial adoption" but I wasn't. I would ask them questions and talk about things with them and I was more concerned overall. I certainly do NOT think anyone and everyone should be adopting black babies/children. My point with them was as obnoxious and ignorant as many of them were, maybe they really shouldn't be adopting ANY child...I wasn't even sure a dog would be a good idea.

Truth be told though...no matter how long or how much prep and education you get, it's not going to fully prepare you for the reality of it all. I think that's true of many things in life. In many ways, it's one of the hardest thing I've ever done (and I've been through a LOT in life) and it's also one of the very best.

EVERY child deserves a good loving family. Unfortunately, the reality is that many don't get that.

 

You so right.

I look back and I saw my daughter is doing good despite me. Lol

Lol
Lol