Kristin Davis is afraid for her black daughter

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kristin-davis-is-afraid-for-her-black-daughter-under-trump-presidency_us_583593b2e4b000af95ed506b?te=TMZ

The actress, who adopted Gemma in 2011, says bringing her up has taught her plenty about white privilege.

“I thought I knew before adopting my daughter that I was in white privilege, that I understood what that meant. But until you actually have a child, which is like your heart being outside you, and that heart happens to be in a brown body, and you have people who are actively working against your child, it’s hard. It fills me with terror.”

I was about to ignorantly judge this story by the title and her being a celebrity and say she is overreacting because she is in a much better position than most, but common sense kicked in and told me to read and I understand her.

 

If you listen to the interview....she answers the questions that have been asked and comments that have been made on this forum several times in regards to how the white women on here who are mom's to biracial or black children have a different level of understanding than those who do not. Truth be told, we have a different level of understanding than the Black men on here as well.

 

Explain

 

I probably should have said "different experience". Just simply meaning that parents of children who are biracial or a different race have different experiences than those who do not. Many of the men on here do not have biracial children or white stepchildren...some do. It's one thing to deal with the world when we are dating someone who is racially different, it's another when it's your child. I can love my man with all my heart and have a great amount of sympathy and empathy and feel things deeply....when it's your child, it's just a completely different level. I am protective of my man, and again...my children are another level. I realize that most parents will say they have the same with their child no matter what the racial makeup...it's just very different.

When things happen it's difficult to not feel it on a deep personal level.

 

Sounds like more of a culture shock thing for white women with biracial children. As a black man or as a black woman, no matter who you date, your children will be seen as black (biracial or not). We aren't shocked as we already know the high chances of bad things happening to our children. So, I would agree, it is different for people who aren't used to the extreme racism, discrimination, and possible unjust deaths and imprisonment (let alone the high probably of low income or unemployment). The fear that we hold for our unborn children starts at a really early age, and is ultimately a culture shock to someone who wasn't aware of such things or prepared for such things so early. A very different experience. I suppose the main difference is the choice. BM and BW don't have a choice in the matter because no matter what, our children will be black. Which, isn't the same case for white women. So, yes, it is a different experience.

 

It would be very interesting to hear from the ww in their own experience with this.

 

Meow - I seriously doubt if you were walking around with a woman's white children (as in the situation with possible step children) they will be seen as black. There will be unique experiences with that as well. There are a few men on here who have dealt with that situation.

 

You are hearing about that. That's what Kristen Davis is talking about. Raider, Cherok33 and I (and others) have all talked about our own experiences.

BTW I don't agree with everything she said in the interview (I didn't watch the entire hour+ too). It's simply her experience though. Her daughter is still very young too.

 

Yeah I'm just saying in this thread. I have seen a few things from c33.

 

well I can talk about it. I have the unique experience of having white children and black children (not biracial). I think all parents have the experience of once you are a parent things are very different. You have an awareness and concern that is unlike any other. We suddenly become aware and more sensitive to all sorts of things: how others are driving, how we are driving, how people talk to each other, things that are on TV, on and on it goes. If you have a child with medical issues, disabilities, etc then you have additional concerns and see things from a different perspective. When you have a child who obviously looks different than you do, there are additional things that come along with that.

Was it a culture shock....in some ways. I don't think it's possible to be completely prepared for some things until you live them..and that continues as they grow and as different things happen in society. There are unique concerns, fears, and joys. I know Black men who have white children who have talked about having different concerns (etc) since becoming a father to a white child as well. They deal with the possibility/probability of people questioning their children and them, people making assumptions, and all sorts of other things.

I guess the question is more - what would you like to hear about? I think it may be easier for us to answer questions you may have rather than to just talk about it. We live it every day, we don't naturally step outside of our circumstances to analyze them, so you may get more (deeper) responses if you ask more specific questions.

 

Yeah I think it's natural for parents to get really sensitive about social activities . I remember when I brought my daughter home from the hospital for the first time. I was shaking in my boots cause people were driving fast. Now she will be driving soon and shitting in my pants.

Saying that to say this as a black father I know what my daughter is going to face and I'm shitting in my pants. For a white person it's really going to be a shock.

 

I got two stories about white parents adopting black kids....

Here's the first....

http://blackamericaweb.com/2015/01/...-exposes-racist-children-their-parents-video/

 

My comment was in reference to biological children, not a brady bunch scenario. But, I see where you are going with this. I don't date women with children (I have in the past and don't have positive experiences with it. No fault of the kids, I simply didn't agree with their way of parenting). Since we are sharing stories, I haven't dating a woman who didn't have black or biracial children, but I have been asked to pick up people's kids before, and that can be hell. When you are a black man picking up white kids for a friend, people get really frightened that you are stealing them. A few articles would show that this also happens to white men picking up black or biracial children. I feel that these kinds of fears happen less to women, but I think that is more of a societal error due to people's misandry towards men in general.

As it stands, I don't date women with kids, and I don't pick up friend's kids either. But, for those of you that do date, it would be interesting to hear some stories.

In regards to the actress, she seemed a little irresponsible when adopting a black child. She didn't seem to be overly proactive in learning about black culture, but that is just an observation and I am hoping I am wrong.

 

I do think it's different for women and men.

I would agree about the actress. I guess though I sortof have this assumption that those in Hollyweird who are doing the adoption thing are a whole different skew. I haven't been one to really embrace the adoption community in general. There is way too much veil of sainthood going on and all sorts of other weird things that I just don't get with.

 

The video doesn't work. I read the article. What did you want to talk about?

 

It's just the overall shock they got in the racism they got. I think that's the article that expressed that.

The other was about just day to day things like the hair and ect....

I think most whites really don't get the gravity of racism we get .

Like someone said not really understanding the culture of blacks.

There's a lot in raising a black child but the most important is the love and stability that a family provides but the other issues that needs to be addressed.

 

SMH. I don't what y'all think, but I'm of the opinion if a White person or couple is gonna adopt a Black child they should do their research to get ready to move to a racially-diverse suburb or racially-diverse part of the city. As soon as I saw the headline of that story, I knew they had to live in a majority-white town or suburb.

I've lived in racially-diverse suburbs or part of the city my entire life & never really had to deal with some of the B.S., I've heard some black folks deal with growing up in a majority white suburb or town.

 

Yeah I feel what you are saying. I experienced a lot but not what you see in the news.

I just think white parents need to be ready. Not just racism but just day to day stuff

 

Agreed.

The thing is that there are all sorts of resources out there too. For many years black social workers were very much against white people adopting black children. Then it became that we would have to go through courses and learn about things and now it just depends on where you are and how much money you are spending. The adoption world can be pretty nasty (to say the least). I'm probably one of the most judgmental when it comes to the issue of hair and skin. There is an amazing group of women who started a group many years ago online to help teach people about hair and skin. It started out as a way for adoptive families to learn and at this point there are lots of black moms on there who have learned from the white moms and sisters on there. Most of them advocate natural hair care and many people (black included) just weren't taught in those ways. Hair stylists aren't trained any of it in school either. I was learning about hair several years before my daughter was born.

Classes are a start but they aren't enough either. I went to every class and group I could find. Many of them were more focused on international adoption and trying to keep the child's culture alive. So then you have these families who get really into this little clique of sorts who are all about the country of origins culture. The same thing happened with people who adopted Chinese baby girls and they would have these little groups and the kid would go to Chinese school to learn language and so forth. And that's all well and good but that is NOT learning what it is to be black in the US.

I don't understand how this dad would be shocked. When I read the article what I thought was yah this is the internet and this is why you need to monitor what kids are accessing in general. To be surprised by anything that they encounter is rather stupid in my opinion. I think in that realm you are opening yourself up to any and all extremists.

 

Agreed. However, I take it a step further. When I was married and just had white kids I felt the same. When I ventured into the adoption world I just couldn't understand when people would give excuses for not being open to adopting transracially (that's the horrible term they use) because they lived in an area that would not be "accepting". I took issue with that...but my issue was -why the fuck would you be bringing ANY baby/child into that environment?!

On the other side of what you are saying, I know quite a few black people who were raised in predominately white areas some feel they didn't have to deal with as much crap because of where and how they were raised, others feel like you do.